So I got married in Dec,23 with my long term girlfriend. My mom was not in favour and sister tried for a while but then she too sided with mom and was against it.
Going against everyone, I got married amidst lot of drama. On the day of marriage as well my sister/momthsr kept asking me to come back/don’t do it/she is not good for you etc.
Worried with this, I ended up lying to them that I ran away from marriage but I finished my marriage and moved to Bangalore with my wife.
I week later, was home to tell them truth but on hearing their truth the reaction was very aggressive. They said to cut all ties. Will never talk to me and everything. Scared of this, I came back to bangalore and continued with my lie of running away.
My plan was to tell them about my marriage by saying that I am doing court marriage with same girl later this year.
1 year passed away and my sister saw a photo of my wife on Instsgram posted by a friend of hers and this made her question me again. This time she saw few videos posted by Event organisers as well and that is how she came to know of this. All this happened on 31st Dec.
I was having no response. She yelled at me.
I decided to tell the whole truth to my mom and today told this to her.
My mom asked me to not connect with her, not make her meet my wife. My dad’s annual desth rituals sre coming in Feb and now she don’t want me to be with her while doing so.
Not sure what next to do? Is this price I have to pay for choosing the lady I love?
She is genuinely good girl at heart. Supports me a lot, cares for me, respect me a lot!
I am feeling bad for bringing all this to my family and her.
All of this while I am working to build my venture.
Beyond pay grade, but I feel that you choosing your gf over family was not the wrong thing, but you lying to your family was not good, you should have been upfront from the start, the reactions would be the same but atleast they'd be aware. I guess only time can salvage this and heal the wounds.
By the way, mind telling me why your family was against this marriage.
Sometimes it takes a lot of heart to follow your heart against all odds.
If you think she is worth it, she is and will be. Parents might become frustrated out of fear of their son's future and the possibility that your mother knows nothing about her. Mothers usually come around, she will as well.
Don't lose hope. Just don't cut your ties off to your family even if they do. Make sure you remain part of your family and be there for any important events even if they don't want you to. You don't have to forcefully bring your wife initially but make sure you as a son are there for your family.
Intercaste marriages even if done happily need their own adjustments with time. The key is patience. Speaking from my own experience.
Experience is what I am seeking!
Thanks for sharing 🙏🏻🙏🏻
An additional suggestion would be to invite your mother and sister to your house at major events like festivals. They might turn it down for sometime but it might prove to be a great icebreaker in the future.
Choose your gf over a immature sister and a manipulated mother.
Hey sir, can we connect?
Gonna join our org as a fresher in July (and till then I can't have a blue tick yet 😭).
Tbh, this is not a problem. If you're wife is a nice person then there's no problem.
Your mom and sister and blind and adamant on not listening to your pov. If they can't see your wife as wife , if they can't even try to learn about your wife persona then let them cut ties with you.
Just ask them what are their points of hating your wife without even knowing her.
Tbh, in next 10 years, there are high chances that your sister will be busy with her own married life and your mother will be no more, only your wife will support you then.
Keep living your life, I know you will miss them but I feel that they are angry because they didn't get to choose your wife.
Build a future, create a good life, focus on your career, grow in your life as a couple, the right people will fall along.
Thanks!
This is what I think too. Everyone eventually will go their own ways, prioritise their lives, and your wife is the one who will prioritise you. I have seen people in my family deciding everything for me, but never seeking my input in their life. They prioritise their spouse, children etc but they never allowed me to prioritise my family. I learned from them how prioritising us done, though it was late.
THE FAMILY YOU CREATE FOR YOURSELF IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FAMILY YOU COME FROM.
Your mother and sister love you only as long as you succumb to their orders. You can sit back and observe whether the love they give you is unconditional or conditional. It is far better to have a peaceful life with your spouse as opposed to a chaotic life with toxic and heartless mother and sister. Sorry for the words. But that is how I feel. They are ready to abandon you just because you chose the person YOU would be spending YOUR entire life with? Open your eyes please. Parents are not to be worshipped, and you made the right choices so far
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