SillyNugget
SillyNugget

Marriage Advice

Met a person on matrimony. Later knew that both families know each other. I have never personally seen or talked to them before.

That person is in IT and earns good. I am also into IT and earn more than double their salary.A nice person with values. I am an extrovert. I talk a lot and share a lot about my life.But they were an introvert. They said they were putting efforts to talk more and share more but couldn't fully open up at a pace i expected it's been more than a month. They love to listen to me though. They are more homely. Both our financial backgrounds are similar. But they were bought up in a more restricted homely middle class manner and I am comparatively more modern outgoing have lots of friends and social life..they are okay with adjusting and even mentioned their liking after repeated asks..They don't have a great friends circle or a passion or ambition and more of a go with the flow type. They initiated a silly fight because of over thinking and even apologized later. But I feel we have lot of difference in the lifestyle, friends circle, ambition. I am doubtful about this alliance.

Any advice or suggestion would be great.

1mo ago
3.4Kviews
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PerkyWalrus
PerkyWalrus

@StraightSunflower analyse and ask these questions to yourself and him/her:

  1. Do you both get happiness from similar things? One can be materialistic, other may not be.

  2. How spiritual you and they are at the moment, and do they have any target in future

  3. Are you both happy settling down in a particular city (whichever you may think of)

  4. If both of you are on similar pages with respect to family planning. It should not be like that one doesn't want kids at all, while the other is die hard fan of babies.

  5. Most important question- if they are over thinkers. Are you ready (and have enough energy) to help them NOT OVERTHINK. THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE THIS WILL CREATE COMFORT. COMFORT IS IMPORTANT FOR LONG TERM HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE

  6. Type of marriage - too lavish, normal, very sober

  7. The most crucial and life changing question @StraightSunflower if this rishta works and these questions help, would you invite me to marriage?

SillyNugget
SillyNugget
EY1mo

Thanks for the questioner bro...I see many differences here itself..they are spritual and I am more or less an atheist. I want to move to abroad they want to be around family but are ready to adjust and move abroad for me. I won't say no to babies but I am okay with no babies too and they prefer babies. Overthinking is not so extreme but not sure if I am ready to manage that. They prefer indian language movies/songs/mode of communication and I prefer english for all. They are ready to try my liking but I am not so comfortable with their likings

And I have noted your name @CharmingCalmMan pehla invitation toh apko hi bheja jayega😂😀

ZestyBurrito
ZestyBurrito

I have only one thing to share, don't look at the silly personality differences if the other person is all in for making adjustment and learn about you. Learn about them too, and make adjustments like them. If you really like this person, and the feeling is reciprocated, work on how you can live a life together rather than finding out the ways it can't work, because there will be many, but if there is only a single way it can work and you think it is worth it, take that chance.

No one is perfect, and you will get to learn it. Give it some time, and don't let your definitions define what can be between you two.

PerkyWalrus
PerkyWalrus

Vo toh sb shi ha. But the question is what is her personality? As he said she likes to just listen, and doesn't feel comfortable in speaking toh fir how to know what she wants.

Baaki your point is right, but how can it be implemented if she doesn't open up hna. Ab either he needs to make her super comfortable to open up OR she needs to start speaking for herself.

Assumption : The author is male and he is talking about a girl

ZestyBurrito
ZestyBurrito

The OP mentioned that the other person is putting efforts to talk more and share, but their pace of opening up isn't what OP would like.

An introvert isn't going to start pouring out his/her heart to anyone within a month. These things take time, and the good part is that the person is trying. And OP needs to make efforts too if they want this connection to work out. In their post they have focused on the differences, their perspective and what they want, not on the other person and what is, or could be, between them.

I just don't want the OP to screw up a good connection only because that other person is an introvert, doesn't have much of a social life or friends, and has some flaws that most of us do (overthinking). That's literally basically who an introvert would be, and they shouldn't be put under scrutiny for being that way. Give it some time and see where it leads, that's only what I want them to do.

SleepyHamster
SleepyHamster
TCS1mo

It's better not to marry at all.

SillyNugget
SillyNugget
EY1mo

Why bro

SleepyHamster
SleepyHamster
TCS1mo

Personal experience. Marriage is also a scam in life. Whether love or arrange

PeppyBanana
PeppyBanana

How many people are you seeing? Why are you using "they"

SillyNugget
SillyNugget
EY1mo

Haan it's just 1.. Used they to avoid specific gender 🙂

JazzyRaccoon
JazzyRaccoon

Please don't Marry that one. People can adjust only for sometime in life and for life long. You will ruin each other. Especially it seems you are depending on they getting adjusted and no effort from your side.

FloatingHamster
FloatingHamster

Listen to your heart your inner voice

PerkyWalrus
PerkyWalrus

😳

JazzyPancake
JazzyPancake

On and all its better if you find someone who is in similar bandwidth, see him adjusting you or you adjusting to him is obvious but if it is minor then it's ok but what you are speaking is a considerable difference so better to move on buddy🙌

ZippyMochi
ZippyMochi

Make sure to meet multiple times and know each other at least 8-10 months before committing to marriage

SwirlyPotato
SwirlyPotato
EY5d

Are you a man or a woman? What does 'they' mean? Are you talking about the entire family?

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