Guilt to spend on myself

Even after working, switching, working hard all these years The only thing I have no problem when it comes to money is sending it to parents or to my younger brother who is pursuing education

Be it even a 10 rupees ice cream, guilt takes over I am at 6 YOE, earn enough by grapevine standards I still live in a PG 6k per month 4 beds in a room I had a dream of having an independent setup and a flat with monitors, a good keyboard and mouse. Tried, but couldn't get myself buying one.

Gym, food is provided by the company, cab services came recently until then I had bought an old bicycle for commute.

I do love to explore, I take my cycle and explore around the town talking with different people. The only other parties I have is when company organizes one.I seriously don't know why I am like this.

Wahi purane kapde hai mere pass,abhi tak mast kaam chal rha. And yeah I try to win and participate in companies hackathons to get new clothes.

I look ugly and don't get enough matches/attraction from the other gender. (6ft not enough muscular). All my friends are married at this point making around 40 to 50 lpa on an avg. Arrange mai bhi scope nhi, parents said no one is agreeing. Earlier I used to brainstorm with them a lot, but now I respect them whenever they take out even half an hour for me.

I really don't know where I am going wrong. Pehle to din bhar kaam, gym, diet, padhai mai chala jata tha, now it feels a lot lonely.