So i am writing this post reaching out to the world of men for help. So as we all know that as a man we are pressured to get married and start a family as soon as we start earning some money. I am a 27 year old man, who is doing decent in life. So as we are looking out for girls in this arranged marriage setup i am in talking stage with a girl. So in chat i am good and fine and i talk well. But from front i am shy and conscious as to not do anything that would come across as a creep. So i this girl let’s name her X is in a Y profession and she is in a different profession from me. So i work in City A and am also ready to relocate to city B after getting married. On one of my dates she said she had switched the company and joined another company within 15 days so me being a working professional said that you could have served a few more days of notice and tried for a different company for a greater pay rise. Look i am not aware how her line of work operates i just gave my opinion not sure what she thought she started saying of you want a higher package woman marry her. Then one day she said that you will be my second priority after marriage my work will always come first. I chose to ignore it. Then when we met after the date she tried to hug me me being an introvert and a shy person i got a little awkward hugged her back but lightly not tightly. She flipped out on me like i pushed her away and i am not interested in her. I tried to explain this to her. She did not listen to me. I have been the one from the start who has been down tooling myself ready to sacrifice things trying to make things work. She brought a gift for me i was happy and shocked and a bit confused so my expression came across a awkward to which she said i did not like it. This is how i am. I have always been an introverted and a shy person never been in a relationship in my life, so these things do not come to me naturally. I am very good at chatting and flirting on chat but in person I am a shy guy. But now i feel i have had enough of this setup i am not going to marry this woman at all because in the hindsight i am being made to look like a fool and i will not destroy my life by taking this step. This is what i am feeling right now. I need advice from men out there if anyone of you have been in such a situation in life please let me know. I am willing to listen to your advice am i right or thinking too much in life. How do i tell this to my mother? Like how please let me know because one thing i know is that i could be wrong in this but being an introvert in real its real hard to make people understand to what i mean and to what people think i mean.
Call it off. Not worth staying. One thing I believe in 'If you are not sure about it, then its a No'. You are clear about the vibes after spending time. So explain this to yourself first. Make a list of things and speak to your mom. Before telling, anticipate what could be her replies and think one step ahead to convince mom.
She is clearly authoritative. Later on she could start manipulating. From what I can understand is, her value systems are not in place when she asks to look for higher salaried partner or prioritising career over marriage. Marriage has to be more of companionship and mutual respect. No one should be entitled in any way.
As far as attraction is concerned, it develops over time, be it arranged or love. Conversation and acts of kindness & respect leads to attraction.
Stop telling yourself "i am shy, i am introverted" it re enforces that mindset even though it is true stop saying it so much, "Doesn't matter if i am shy i will still do what I got to do" . Netflix villan vibes buddy
Feel you bro if this is what happened exactly then what you are thinking is right. Go and tell this straight to your mom that this girl is quite authoritative and does not like making any sort of adjustments and in marriage both have to agree and go togather.
There are good chances of issues after marriage. She will agree as every parent know about issues after marriage can be quite a problem.
True my friend she says she is not physically attracted to me ok fine that’s her pov and i cannot force myself on her to get attracted but all this looks like a disaster in the making to me and tbh i am not attracted to her either infact when she said that her work will always come first my attraction died i have never felt that connection with her even though we have chatted and flirted a lot it still does not come naturally to me. I think i will tell this to my mother try to explain it if she listens fine if she doesn’t i am still not marrying her that’s a fact now. I won’t let my life be destroyed.
I am in same stage and whenever my parents ask i am proudly lying that i am getting 27000 per month and in this salary i am not ready to take it forward 😎
You are moving towards a cliff. Better to call it off in a way that she does place false charges of anything. You know what I mean?
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