2025 turned life to Hard Mode, have lost all self confidence.

I spent my entire 2024 building my profile, doing couple of 6 months interns, including one at one of the fastest growing companies in India, and simultaneously managing my semester, scoring decent enough(top 15%ile of the batch) but as luck will prevail out, now am going through a mental breakdown, with a re-backlog and no - placement in sight has emotionally and mentally broken me down.

Didn't get a PPO, got sold the tea that we are accessing our requirements, will reach out closer to your graduation date, and for the re-backlog exam, what I felt that I wrote enough to pass turns out that the professor might have a grudge against me.

About 35% of my engineering batch has at least one backlog, and authorities tried their best to clear it last semester, but I have lost confidence that I'll even be able to pass that, citing the grudge and the fact that 10% of my batch has a backlog in that exam.

The exam is scheduled to be conducted in June, with juniors ( I don't have a problem with that) but it will take 5 months to release the results, and I will most probably miss my convocation. Though I am eligible for grafting, this delay might destroy that as well.

This is the only subject I failed throughout my course, and yes I admit I am damn bad in that and not putting in enough effort, but am mentally drained from this, plus no placement and a family issue make it even worse.

The placement story has been reaching out to people mostly early-stage startups, and it's either of the two responses, can't predict our requirements 6 months in advance, or travel to Bangalore for the next 6 months, which isn't possible for me.

Have family responsibilities, gotta take care of them for at least the next 3 months, and don't want the uncertainty of giving 6 months of offline work to be rejected again, if it had been remote would have done that.

Life has automatically turned to a hard mode, out of the blue. All the troubles, aligning at the same moment, this anxiety has affected my BMI and appetite. I just keep crying in my room, always in fear of all the last 3 years of work to end up with no job and degree.

The only motivation I have - is “You can’t connect the dots looking forward but backwards”.Hope everything will take a turn soon.

Somebackground: BE in Civil Engineering, from one of the top colleges of India. Represented college in Hult Summit Boston'24. Mostly worked in Product management - have launched a business and scaled to EBITDA +ve with first intern. Worked with the leadership team on user experience, improved KPIs and A/B testing with the second intern.