Help me make sense of this
You meet new people - on some you cringe, some are boring, some intrigue you, some you respect, and some are intimidating It is the intimidating lot that makes me jhzdgfhfghsjj (how do I explain this) I feel small infront of them, even though I am not in the same room or face to face There's an unknown fear, it feels you have to prove yourself to them (for no reason) Somehow our brains put them on a higher pedestal for various reasons - it is different reasons for different people Why why do I have to feel like this? How do I get rid of it?
I kind of get what you go through. The thing is we are programmed now to see great moments and achievements on social media or when we meet them, and our surroundings have made such behaviour patterns within us, that we instantly get impressed by the person's way of talking, achievements and what not. Because first impression is the last impression.(Nope, never).
Second, it is because of our naivety and unawareness of ourselves that we find ourselves constantly comparing ourselves to others, thinking they have done such things but in comparison to that, I have done nothing.
So, quite a few things here: First, comparison of our abilities to others, second, putting people on a pedestal higher than what they actually are, third, underestimating ourselves which further leads to overthinking and inaction and messes up with brain by creating scenarios which are actually not going to happen.
Solution :
1) First, take control of yourself. Realise you are living through life and everyone has their own challenges in their journey. For e.g: Someone is very responsible towards their family and work due to their challenging circumstances and you had a rather balanced mixture of experiences, then it's okay. Understand, you bring something unique to the world through your own experience, your own voice, your own creativity. Nor everyone has learned everything, neither everyone is master at everything.
2) Develop a character where you work on yourself by delaying your reactions to instantly either get impressed by the person or judge them on any kind thing they are sharing with you. It's a very difficult skill to listen to others without judging them and getting ourselves affected through their reactions. The key is to understand them while keeping yourself aware of your senses/emotions as well.
3) Try to know yourself better through meditation, being out in nature, sitting with yourself idly, journallng down your thoughts. Remember if you struggle to stay with yourself, then no matter who you are with, you will always feel inferior/ unrestful.
4) No one is sharing their failures with you. So, remember you are just seeing a fraction of themselves, not as a whole. But you see yourself everyday, being clumsy, failing in following something or being happy and satisfied in achieving your goals. So, you have a complete view of yourself. And that's where you make wrong comparisons by belittling yourself and giving others a higher pedestal.
5) It's easier said than done. Believe me, I have had my share of experiences with people and it gets hard to let that feeling go away where you feel like inferior or your unrestful thoughts roam around every night with you while lying in bed. The simple solution is: Give yourself some time. It's not a competition, it's life. And everyone has got their own set of question papers. Someone may be earning crores, and you are earning in just initial lakh figures. Does that make your struggle unworthy? No, not all.
I get some of the things that goes on in the world when we see people but think it like this, there would be someone around in your life thanking God for you that yes, you are in their life. It could be your parents, your dog, , your cow whom you feedback everyday while she comes at your door, your neighborhood, or any stranger whom you have helped knowingly/unknowingly bringing a smile on their face.
So, don't sweat on this stuff, happens with everyone. Thing is, whether you want to work on this or not. If yes, you will figure yourself out eventually. Gradually but definitely. So trust yourself more, your instincts more and work on yourself. All the best.
BiryaniEnthu
Stealth
12 days ago
Man this is most wonderful explanation I have come across on being secure in yourself.
This is very helpful!
Thank you for taking time and writing this @SpeedyConstellation
See more comments
When we embrace who we are instead of what others want us to be, I believe we open ourselves to real relationships and real happiness. There is a quote-āIf everyone is pleased with you, either they are lying or you areā. Prove yourself to yourself and people who matter to you, not others. Feeling small in front of some people I guess everyone suffers with considering the LinkedIn and Instagram times. One can take this as positive and improve oneself.
BiryaniEnthu
Stealth
12 days ago
I agree, might as well take a look of my life from a different perspective
This is an *extremely* interesting question, Biryani.
Just thinking aloud (relating to my own experiences): maybe it's due to the fear of causing disappointment by not living up to (possibly unreasonable) expectations? Not being able to live up to those expectations may have the possible consequences of being denied opportunities or being excluded from a community, or indicating shortcoming(s) in you and making you question if you were as good/special as you were told/had believed ā that you were pretty "normal" after all. That would explain having the need to prove otherwise.
Although that would beg the question, why would this fear exist at all? The answer to that, I believe, may lie in the fact that we're fundamentally social beings, with a strong desire to belong. Not being able to fit into a group would've historically led to ostracization/abandonment, and thus possible death, so this fear may be deep-rooted in our brains as a survival mechanism to help us conform to the laws (both explicit and implicit) of a group.
This instinct may not be as useful in a modern society though, now that it's possible to survive independently due to an abundance of resources and access to basic necessities being dependent on entire supply chains instead of being controlled by any specific group that one is part of. This allows the luxury to attempt self-reflection, and to realise that even if you're not living up to someone's expectations, you have the option to seek the company of other individuals/communities where you will.
Or better yet, that maybe you're not obligated to conform to people's arbitrarily placed expectations and fit in at all ā you, as an individual, have the first right in setting your own standards for yourself. This realisation, along with being more compassionate towards yourself, can lead you to a greater acceptance of your flaws and limitations.
BiryaniEnthu
Stealth
12 days ago
Our brains are wired that way, it takes effort to change. But 100% agreed, will do
I have never been intimidated by anyone, but I have sure wanted to be like a certain type of people. People who had close friends, could go out with them, for whom these friends will be there at the drop of the hat. It took me a lot of time to understand why did I feel this way. And I realised that I was coming from a place of abandonment. A result of the life I had lived.
So when I wanted to be like someone specific, I would try to bring them down from the pedestal I had put them on in my own head, and on which they were actually put by others. I don't mean by insulting them, I mean by observing them and my thoughts. They were just human, and I was only looking at the part which I lacked.
I learnt to not be territorial for the bonds that I make. I have good friends, but friendships deepen when you water them, spend time with your friends. I can't do it with how my life is right now, maybe I will be able to have great friendships later on. I know I am a nice person, but I don't know how to sustain friendships, there is a world out there for me to discover, and I feel like a baby, afraid but eager to know.
I don't know if my comment helped you at all, but one thing I have learnt is that most of the time it's not the person, but something within you that makes you feel a particular way.
BiryaniEnthu
Stealth
12 days ago
This is helpful, guess it is us and not them making us feel like so
ChefGroot
Stealth
13 days ago
This feeling is common maybe, I do feel same way when who seem more accomplished or confident enters the room. Mostly self comparison, fear of judgment, trigger this feeling in short imposter syndrome kinda.....
What helps maybe...
Change of perspective, everyone got insecurities. Meet with that person more often as more we get to know him/her will result in no fear of judgment at least. And comparison parameter will be reduced to some extent.
Like in many of my cases there so many peoples from which I got impressed easily and started feeling small in front of then, later on when I got to know more about him/her or can say get exposure abt that person find out theyāre not as different from me...
So this fear of judgement, prove yourself feeling was automatically gone
BiryaniEnthu
Stealth
12 days ago
Yea, they are humans too. Same as us
Nothing to add.
On a side note, just know that you donāt have to be intimidated by meš @BiryaniEnthu
Maybe try introspecting your insecurities. Often, the need to prove yourself stems more from internal fears or insecurities than anything the other person is doing or saying. Pause and reflect on your insecurities and ask yourself as why you feel the need to seek their validation, and what youāre hoping to gain from it.
Try focusing on what makes you valuable and unique or your strengths, and remind yourself that you donāt need to prove anything to anyone. Remember self-worth comes from within.
Not sure if I answered your question or not.
BiryaniEnthu
Stealth
12 days ago
Insecurities šŖ Too many!
You answered, something we avoid to accept but know deep down
Discover More
Curated from across
