Org: We need someone who thinks outside the box.
Candidate: Can I work remotely then?
Org: No, you must be inside our box, thinking outside the box.
Candidate: So, can I set my own hours?
Org: Absolutely, as long as they start at 9 AM sharp and end at 9 PM, with mandatory overlap from 9:01 to 8:59, covering daily catchup and occasional, seasonal and rational hackathon/catch-up work on weekends
Candidate: Can I use innovative tools? Propose new ideas?
Org: We’d love that! Just submit them through our 12-step approval process, get unanimous support from the board, and then we’ll file them in the suggestions folder, which we ceremoniously burn every quarter
Candidate: Can I dress casually?
Org: Dress however you like! Just remember, we have a strict no visible tattoos, no jeans, no open-toed shoes, no hats, no bright colors, no turtlenecks, no jerseys, no sweatshirts, no pullovers, no shorts, no tank tops, no sandals, no flip-flops, no sneakers, no hoodies, no graphic tees, no leggings, no cargo pants, no yoga pants, no overalls, no bandanas, no headbands, no skirts, no dresses, no capes, no costumes, no pajamas, no athletic wear, no leather jackets, no denim jackets, no vests, no ripped clothing, no sheer fabrics, no bold prints, no statement jewelry, no excessive accessories, no heavy makeup, no neon colors, no mismatched socks, no visible undergarments, no body piercings other than earrings, no strong perfumes, no funny socks, no slogan shirts, no cultural attire, and no anything that could be considered remotely fun or expressive...
Candidate: oh so.. pants and a plain shirt?
Org: Precisely! But make sure the shirt is not too tight, not too loose, not too short, not too long, no patterns, no logos, no buttons that make noise, no pockets that bulge....
Candidate: So basically, you want someone to think outside the box, inside a box, with the lid taped shut, buried underground, while we're chained to the walls?
Org: Exactly! Welcome aboard.
