Sorry if this is the wrong board to post in, I'm desperate. Should I be honest about my past struggles of depression/addiction with recruiters while explaining the 4 year gap in my resume?
[TL;DR former National quizzing champ dropped out of B. Tech in 2020 during peak of addiction and depression . Got over it and sober in Jan'23, resumed college and completed my B. Tech in Feb'24. Picked up coding again and feel ready for a job now Should I be honest or lie about the gap? Been ghosted my few recruiters whom I was honest with.] JS developer here. I used to be a decent student, public speaker and one of the best quizzers in the college scene (former National Champ). But I never addressed some traumatic events that took place in my life before I turned 16. My depression took refuge in substance abuse and I abandoned all studies/career prospects during the pandemic. Eventually after 7 years of using, I got clean/sober in Jan'23 and resumed my studies. I earned my degree but on paper it took me 8 years to complete a 4 year B. Tech (2016-24). Reasonably I get asked about the gap in my academics by hr/recruiters whom I push my CV to. I've been dead honest to them about my struggles with mental health and addiction in the past. And I've been getting ghosted. (It could be because of skill reasons on my part but I'm not even getting a feedback). Should I not tell recruiters the truth about the gap? Should I leave the addiction bit out? How should I word it? I've never held a real coding job before but been slogging for the last 6 months to get better each day (my github and projects will reflect that). Please help me out with all your valuable suggestions. If you're a tech recruiter let me know how you would perceive my case.
You don't have to. They are not your friends and you don't know how someone might take it as.
You have been brave enough to come out of it but unfortunately not everyone will see it.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thanks for writing back Sir.
How would you suggest I explain the gap then?
Would it hurt my job prospects further if I make a thread on X/LinkedIn about my addiction recovery just to put my story out in the universe?
I'm in two minds about it.
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I highly recommend that you stick with the truth, I believe you are a hero and you have fought all odds to come out of the past. If I were to interview you I would have been really happy with only one question for which you should try to see how you can articulate it.
Recruiters and managers are not really bothered about the past what would really want to know is will you go back to where you came from? They need to understand if they can trust you.
Now with all this in mind frame the response, you should start with what went wrong, what happened, your inner realisation and then your fight against the addiction and then close it by mentioning why you will not go back to your past addiction.
I am sure you will do great things in life, do not hide anything from the hiring team, money, role, promotions will catch up in the long run.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thank you so much for your words.
As for what went wrong, I faced molestation at the hands of an old tenant at the age of 7. This crippled my confidence and I could never stand up for myself. I was bullied everyday in school basically till I was 14. My parents thought it's very usual and I took it likewise. When I found freedom in college, I fell with the psychedelic crowd. I started using cuz it gave me a sort of relief from my thoughts that I had never felt before. It became the only way I could feel good and I thought I had found my cure. It took me 7 years of using, a lot of counselling and a few fellow addict friends dying to realise that using is just a false sense of well being. And that it'd be very selfish if I use my past to justify ruining my future. I have a 10 year old sibling who was becoming aware of my habits and that was the rock bottom to me. I knew I had to quit. The biggest realisation is that if one part of your body is hurting, then you don't hurt another part of your body to distract from the earlier pain. And that forgive yourself like you forgive other people. As for why I can't ever go back, I'll loose everything, maybe even my life if I relapse. I cannot justify making my parents cry anymore just cuz of what happened in my past.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Just felt like reciprocating your comment off the top of my head. I'll work on it and prepare this before every interview.
MightyLazyGeekStar
Stealth
6 months ago
99 percent of folks be it recruiters wont consider your profile. That is the harsh truth. You need to find that 1 percent who is willing to give you a shot despite all your past. Forget targeting MNCs, try connecting with folks with similar background like yours and something will work out.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thanks for writing back man. All suggestions are valuable to me. When you say connect with people with similar background, do you mean former addicts who are working in tech now? It be so great to find someone like that to look upto but I couldn't find anyone. Hence I posted here.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Are you a recruiter Sir?
If so, would it help if I post a thread about my struggles and recovery on X/LinkedIn just to put my story out there?
I had made a lot of IRL connections with corporate employees overnight when I won the National title few years back. It was on tv and newspapers too.
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I can empathise with you. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2013. Didn’t have a formal job till 2018. I was always upfront about my fight with depression, for me it has not really gone away but I handle it better. I am still on medication.
I had rather work with someone who understands my struggle than who scoff at it or judge/make fun.
I started from scratch again in 2018 and now I am at 5 times my CTC that I drew in 2018. Don’t worry, be truthful, focus on your fight to overcome, achievement is an achievement be it in personal life or professional life.
All the best.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thank you so much for writing this Sir and sharing about your struggles as well. I visit a therapist every month (want to visit every week but it is expensive) and will probably have to for the rest of my life. Great that you've 5X-ed your earnings too. It makes me belief that things can be better for me too in the future.
Hey bud, Recruiter here. I am proud of your resilience and decision to turn your life around. But take it from me, your story will be appreciated only after you’ve tasted success. Recruiters on face might tell you you’re strong, but internally they know hiring manager and current teammates will not accept you hence they reject you. Recruiters are a reflection of where they work, and not themselves. Making skill as King would make our life easier instead of following diktats of degrees, gaps and pedigrees
So as Gupchup said above “I had a health reason which took me 3 years to heal from, but now I am well and I completed my degree and here are my projects/github.” You say the truth without divulging details and you don’t owe the recruiters your personal health records. You don’t owe that even to companies. Just get that first job, work your ass off on it, after a couple years start writing and posting on mental health (it’s popular because everyone struggles with it in secret). Recruiters throughout your career will ask for that gap, and your answer for atleast first 5 years should remain the same. Once you hit lead level, you can tell your story without a lot of blowback because you’ve shown through considerable amount of work and years that you’re a productive member of society and corporate.
I know this means you’ll not be living a complete truth, but think of your 10 yr old sibling. Wouldn’t you want to show them you’ve changed in actions over time than hold on to your self sense of truth? We do everything for our family and loved ones. If SE intern roles open up in my company, I’ll DM you (we covert to full time if you do well). Prove the world wrong through actions over time! Wish you my best 🤗
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thank you so much for blessing me with your know-how, Rangolibaba ji. I really needed insights from a recruiter about the psychology behind the scenes. I was really confused as to what tactic to adopt while explaining my gap. Things are clearer now. Indeed getting recruited is much much more important than getting my story out at this moment. I'll do my best.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Even if that referral doesn't come along, I believe you've helped me already.
TOTORO
Stealth
6 months ago
Hey. I also have 2 years gap due to depression but I never share this. I always give them cooked up reason that they would accept. Truth be told, corporate is not about honesty. Especially mental health reasons still are a taboo.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thanks for sharing your personal experience. Mental illness is not well accepted in 3rd world as of yet. Gotta work around it. Hope you're doing better now.
BearBear
Stealth
6 months ago
Apply in startups they don't care about these things
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Yes applying to startups for sure. Any experience is worth in gold to me. Thanks for your word Beyblade and Vghu.
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Mental health issues are a red flag to any recruiter, manager, etc. Never reveal that stuff to anyone work related.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Yes, noted Sir ji. Thanks for reaching out.
Tell them you had to take a break from studies because of some personal reasons but then later you made the decision to get it finished.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Yes this seems the logical consensus in the community. Thanks a ton!
Everyone gets a second chance, it is great that you are working extra hard to make it work. What is past is past, so don’t cry over spilled milk. Recruiters will definitely ask you about the gap, you could say that you had personal reasons and that you don’t feel comfortable talking about it. Wish you a bright future ahead.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
I appreciate your kind words Sir.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
If recruiters don't persist with the questions if I say I'm not comfortable and projects and code can speak for themselves, it'd be the best case scenario.
ScaredBlow
Stealth
6 months ago
Here do a simple thing. Stop giving a fuck about recruiters. Pick up a famous js open source project. Like node js or react. Spend some time understanding the project. Make important contributions to the project. Once you've done share it on LinkedIn. Write a blog about it. Then write up on LinkedIn you're looking for job. This is what I have done. If you're looking for js developer pick me up.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thanks for the suggestion man. I'm learning some backend along with applying for frontend. I was thinking of at trying to some open source contribution if I kept hitting the wall with recruiters.
2020 was a fucked up year and so was 2021 with entire nation on it's knees begging for oxygen. Use that to your advantage.
If anyone asks for the gap - covid hit me and my family severely. There were some severe health issues and even post covid, recovery was slow along with mental health at not it's best i was needed back home to support my family ad needed time to recover my health. Hence there is a break.
I didn't want to be a product of my circumstances so as soon as I recovered my health and family was stable I went back n finished my degree. Urge them to test your skills.
Your health and building self confidence and financial independence is most important. Sharing your story can happen once you are secure and happy . Job market this year is bad for everyone, pick your battles.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thanks much Sir. Yes, getting a job is more important than getting my story out right now. You even cooked an excuse on my behalf that is very sweet of you.
Time to tell the world my story - I'm a madam. Not a sir. Lighten up. Beat the crap out of this system, rooting for you @neverlookingback97
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EdibleHaste
Student
6 months ago
Dude the only thing that matters is professionalism, the gap can be explained with family issues (make an excuse) and get to work.
Nobody needs to know about private matters like addiction, it comes off horrible when it comes to the working environment in the company.
They are your colleagues not friends, talk about work and nothing else
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Last line really resonated with me. Thanks for sharing.
"I had a health condition that took me a few years to recover from, but now l have completed my study after becoming fully fit."
Stick with the truth but don't get into specific details, unless asked.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thanks for wording it out for me Gupchup. I'll keep that in mind.
It's only a matter of your first few years in the job. Stick with 1 job for, say 2 years and no one will care later.
Go for hackathon , coding competition , internships , selection based out of skills not only on profile.. search smartly.
Share your story but , you won't get that much help . Reach out CTO from startup give your possible solutions. To their product / service.
I am sure, Job will not be big Task here ..only reeaching out , and breaking barriers is.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Hey, thanks for writing Numb_Nerd ji. Appreciate it !
WolfgangMozart
Stealth
6 months ago
No, never. Admitting mental health problems will not do you any good. Make up another reason, like physical problems from an accident, or family issues. Good luck!
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Hey thanks for writing Sir.
In corporate world most of the things are not in black and white. Most of the times you need to convey your message without being direct. You need to be diplomatic and that's not just acceptable but is actually what's expected. Because that shows how you will be able to navigate your way when working with colleagues in your team, other teams, management and customers. You don't need to lie but you don't need to go into the specifics also. You can just say that there were some personal issues (as suggested in other responses also) which resulted in a gap but all has been sorted now. If the interviewer asks for details you can simply say that that's too personal to talk about and you won't be comfortable revisiting those times. Say all this with total confidence and a slight smile which projects confidence. If the interviewer doesn't come back means the company doesn't have a good culture and not worth joining. Any mature interviewer would hardly go further once you have said that it was for personal reasons/some personal situation. He/she would be more interested in how you project yourself, how do you handle the questions, your communication skills, your ability to learn, technical skills and most importantly your behavioural or soft skills. Majority of questions in an interview do not have any right or wrong answer. What's assessed is how you handle the question. In summary, go with confidence (even if that's an act), talk confidentl and use diplomacy to navigate and you will succeed. Best wishes.
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to write this TYBT ji. I really needed a confirmation from a recruiter's POV. You cleared up some confusions of mine which I hadn't even mentioned in the original post. Speaks for your experience in the game. I'll try my best to embibe the advice in my body language and behavioural answers.
wolfenstine
Stealth
6 months ago
There will come a time when you'll be able to own it, talk about it freely, the world would look at you as a warrior who overcame the demons inside. But all of that looks good in hindsight. Unfortunately while you're still building yourself to be something- the world is infinitely cruel and mean.
Until you reach that day, be super protective of whom you trust, even with your friends, forget about random recruiters. You'd know one day that you can now freely talk about it and not give a fuck about what people say. Ironically at that time everybody would be empathetic to you since you'd already be successful.
Today is not that day. In words of SRK - First become rich then become a philosopher 😅😅
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Have you been told that you have a way with words wolfenstien ji? The truth didn't sound harsh the way you served it. That SRK quote will stick with me forever. Thanks sir.
Congratulations on your 1+ year of sobriety bro. I was in the same boat as you in college. Passed in 2020, continued to abuse weed to the levels I'm scared of myself, until mid 2022 when I realised it's enough.
My depression was eating me inside out, but I had to come out of the vicious cycle of loving weed for it being the only escape, and hating myself for ruining my present due to a load of childhood traumas.
If u like, we can connect on discord as I don't have enough grapes to dm u here. Share your CV, so that I can apply for a referral in my company in the future. Right now there are actually no open positions, but it might come sometime later this year
Stay empathetic to yourself, you got this...
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Hey big ups on quitting cannabis man. Cannabis addiction is very underrated, people almost don't consider it real. Feel free to drop your discord even I don't have enough engagement for DMs.
BitterPill
Stealth
6 months ago
Please don't worry about the recruiters / companies that aren't mature enough to appreciate your story. I completely understand your dilemma and the challenge with this situation, but stick to the truth. You will eventually find the right fit and it is just the beginning of your career, a little time lost on finding the ideal fit won't matter in the long run. All the best! I am certain you will do well, just stay focused and work towards your goals with sincerity!
neverlookingback97
Student
6 months ago
Thanks for writing. I'll keep your words in mind.
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