Why not be like this... 
 1. You may not get time as you need to invest time in the relationship  
 2. You tend to eat out more/ party 
 3. No motivation as you have already found someone. It is not about taking the other person for granted but changing priorities.  
  
 Why do it after breakup... 
 1. It helps boost your self confidence/ ego 
 2. You are hurt and angry and want to make the other person regret not being with you. Looking good is an important aspect of that 
 3. You need to find someone new/ have fun!  
 4. You have more time and your priority is you, not your partner

Software Developer

I wonder what is it that cause they guys and the girls to transform aesthtically wrt to clothes, weight loss and hair etc post breakup?   It’s not just limited to breakup but divorces too.   Is it ...

Welcome to Ask Grapeviners's Private Community

I wonder what is it that cause they guys and the girls to transform aesthtically wrt to clothes, weight loss and hair etc post breakup? 

It’s not just limited to breakup but divorces too. 

Is it because you want to put yourself out there again?

Plus if you can be like this then why not be like this while you were with the other person? It’s like not giving your 100% at first and then going about it. 

What are your views?

Transforming Post Breakups

Growth Manager

Transforming Post Breakups- Grapevine

Does hitting the gym after a break-up really help or is it just a fad? How exactly does it help ?

Data engineer

I always wonder how ppl find it fun/ entertaining/ ok to be in casual relationship, fwb or just for timepass. 
Does it not feel cheap? 
Does it not feel gross?  Sort of modified modern prostitution. 
Does it not feel like being used/ taking advantage/ emotionally drained? 
Does it even feel safe- like a host of std will get exchanged.. 
What about the false cases if the others decide to charge with post breakup? 
How do ppl even take it so casually?

How do folks be ok with casual relationships?!

Frontend Engineer

A friend of mine was dating a girl, convinced his parents to offer marriage. But girl chickened out last minute, married one her father had chosen. This really fucked him up, he was determined to get married anyhow, whom didn't matter. 
1 Yr later, found a girl parents found, got pregnant before first anniversary. Over 3 years, their marriage has seen divorce, domestic violence and 5 star hotel celebrations (oscillated to extremes of good and bad)

I'm seeing another such case.
Office colleagues were dating, he proposed marriage, she declined. He said stuff that shouldn't have been said, she threatened POSH (did not complain officially)
2 months later, he has found someone to marry through arrange marriage route 

Break ups are bad, but half of the problem were you. Instead of working on that, people take it on ego

Rebound marriages are the worst

Consultant

Sometimes people use certain people for the transient phase to heal themselves and then move one once they are able to rediscover themselves. 
While this may not be purely intentional at times, this does leave a sense of worthlessness in the other person's soul. And then the person feels "used" and breaks other people's heart and the cycle continues.

It can become a vicious loop if things are not clearly communicated.

How do you figure out if someone is genuinely in or using you for rebound ?

The girl I’m dating is a perfect match but she doesn’t care how she looks. She could easily be 8/10. She has poor dressing style and awful eating habits so she started becoming fat. How do I ask her to change without breaking her confidence and heart? I really love her but this could be the deal breaker.

GF Doesn’t Care About Her Looks

maybe you love her for yourself, not for her 
  
 if you have those issues with her, no you don't love her

Senior Software Engineer

Grapeviners, can you, with all honesty convince a non-believer like me into getting married and having children. If you do, my parents will send a million blessings your way. 

About me: 
- Female, 28
- mostly introverted, very selectively extroverted
- single and normally attractive
- Jinxed when it comes to relationships
- Financially independent, Net worth: 1 cr
- not bragging, but I'm decently intellectual and I can have smart conversations

My reason to resist marriage is: I'm scared it won't work out and will cause bigger problems than being single. Have seen too many unhappy marriages in family and friends. Dating scenes in recent times have only made things even more unimpressive.

Convince me to get married

After a few failed relationships, I had an arranged marriage (at that time, it was just to fulfill what my parents wanted). She was a very conventional girl,, never had any relationship before. I was scared going into the marriage too. 
  
 5 years later, she is the best thing that has happened to me. She helped me explore things I never would have. She gave my life a different perspective. 
  
 I'm not saying just because it happened to me, it could happen to you too. I'm saying unless you take the leap you'll never know what you're missing out on.

Software Engineer

Founder

Welcome to Confessions's Private Community

Hi everyone, I am a 24F. I have recently come out of a situationship, actually I was forced out of it because of his commitment issues. It feels horrible to force myself not to talk with him like we used to , though we are still in speaking terms.. Now I am in a constant dilemma whether to hope that he will commit or to move on. Because of this I lost interest in everything.. even eating twice a day is feeling like a lot of work..!  
Any solid advice will be helpful, Thanks..

Nothing Interests me anymore

Perception of what it means to be successful, clearly changed over the years

I'll start - shifted cities, didn't work out, had to shift again xd

What is a stupid thing you've done in the name of love

Generalist

I'm amazed at the ease with which women straight up remove photos of their exes from their profiles right after a breakup.

No consideration for memories or feelings. Clean slate, next bakra please.

It's not like people who know her personally don't know he didn't exist. It's just better optics for their profile so that newcomers don't look into their exes and "past mistakes".

Out of sight, out of mind, literally.

It's weird how teeny tiny apps have deeply changed and created said and unsaid rules in online and offline societies. 

The best part? They're free to use and dispose of, much like humans and relationships these days.

I was a self professed tech loving nerd who is increasingly becoming luddite and tech hating. So many beliefs being questioned everyday. Just trying to detach myself from what I can now.

What do you think about Instagram and how it affects behaviours? Any particularly good or bad ones you'd like to share?

Wouldn't it be nice if real life were like an Instagram profile?

Product Owner

Like you genuinely go ahead and love someone seriously and they just leave. How did you come out of it???

Fu** this

Women who have rejoined rat race after pregnancy 

I have ultimate respect for you. Pregnancy is not easy. Post paturm is not easy. Working a job while having a new born baby is definitely not easy.

But if your answers are about this, rather than the skills I am hiring for, how do I make a judgement if you can do the job?

I think bit of it stems from them feeling left out, guilty of taking a break. Why can't they view it as a challenging phase of life and focus on their individuality.

Easier said than done, but sincerely HR who doesn't know if I can hire you

Hiring Observations: From newbie recruiter

Welcome to Data Scientists's Private Community

I just found out today I’ve been cheated on by my long term girlfriend who I lived with. Turns out she’s been cheating for a few months but she’s only just told me now because she’s fallen out of love for me and she’s fallen in love with him, so she’s leaving me for him.

She says I neglected giving her the attention she needed because I was so focused on work I forgot to do the nice things for her like bring her flowers, or take her out for dinner or to just show her how much I loved her.

Even though I’m so heart broken and haven’t stopped crying, I do forgive her because it’s true my work hours were bad and because we lived together I kept thinking in my head “it’s fine, ill make it up to her next time”. 

Plus, I was planning to quit my job once bonus comes at the end of this year to find a more chilled job so I could spend more time with her, I truly am ready to leave my job and that was my plan so I was just holding out until then. But now I won’t have the chance because she said its too late she has already lost interest in me and loves him.

But this guy is a software engineer at a FAANG company earning 60-70L a year whilst only having to work 9-5 so he’s richer and has more free time to give her attention. Actually she said he only works around 3 hours per day, he does around 1 hour in morning then 2 hours after lunch and for the rest of the day he’s free to spend time with her, and his company doesn’t notice or mind. So this guy earns almost 3x my compensation for only 3 hours a day meanwhile I’m working 12 hours a day 

She would sneak out whilst I was at work to go on dates with him or round his house and then she would come back to my home in my bed in time for when I arrived from work so I wouldn’t notice. 

Now I feel really broken, I’m in no mental state to be working I can’t think about anything else I have deadline for work today and I’m just sat here crying writing this post. I know men are meant to be strong and hold our emotions together but I really am sad.

I want to ask for 3 days sick leave at work but I don’t know if this normal and acceptable to do? Given most sick leave would be for grievances like the death of a loved one etc.

or am I being a cry baby and I should man up and continue to work?

Data Scientists on Grapevine: Should I Ask For Sick Leave After Being Cheated On

Stop comparing yourself with the new guy, take a few days off and go on a vacation. Given that she lived with you, it must be a strong connection which would take quite a long time to wear off. You'll learn to live with it in a few months. All the best and take care

Business Analyst

Product Manager

Welcome to Indian Startups's Private Community

INR 10-13 lakh spent per wedding in India. 
Average annual household income is INR 4 lakh. 
Assuming 2 households spending, it's 1.2-1.5x their annual income. 
Assuming only the girl's family paying, it's 3x annual income. 
It's absurd how much people love to spend to feed and entertain the people they never want to see in their lives again. 
Also absurd, no big startup in this space. Why is no tech bro/gal conquering the wedding space?

Big Fat Indian Wedding

The weekly why are we not exploiting the wedding industry with some useless startup is here

Is it just on this platform or irl as well?

They won't point out insecurity in men, but rather help him device a breakup strategy
Men feeling sad or down are advised to go on treks???!!
Beer won't solve everything, and you know that

Men give such shitty advices to other men

Fairy Tale Expectations -

Movies and novels set unrealistic expectations for marriage. People expect a perfect life and avoid dealing with real problems together. Thanks to internet - Real life communications made it more complicated

Individualism - Selfishness:

Building a strong marriage takes lot of compromises and time together. Many people love to spend their time with ofc colleagues, but refuse spend with family. Two jobs in single family, built a confidence that money can save you from all problems

Too Many Choices:

Thanks to internet and dating apps which made it easy to meet new people. This literally gives  confidence to leave relationships without fear of being alone for lifelong.

Bad Habits:

Alcohol, weed, and drugs are normalized, but they destroy a person’s inner self. When you lose yourself to these habits, it’s hard to be a good partner because it gives you confidence to do every shit

Late Marriages:

Marrying at older age often means having rigid mindsets. It’s harder to adapt and change, which can hurt the relationship.

Why most of the modern marriages are failing?

0. Try to have a call/video call before the first date. Always take their phone number/insta id before agreeing to meet, plenty of ghosters and shady folks these days.

1. Always try to meet outside for the first date. Don't go for drives. Those kinda dates almost never end up going well in the long run. Ask to meet halfway, don't go out of your way just to meet someone.

2. Don't meet someone with the expectation to start dating or getting married right away. Get to know them as friends first. Everything else later. 

3. Date for 2-3 months at least before committing to be exclusive, don't rush into things and keep your options open. 

4. Do not go for dates when you're feeling down or depressed. Meeting a stranger most likely won't help, it'll only distract temporarily.

5. Draw up a list of things you want and don't want in a partner. Should have at least 5-6 points on both sides. Pointless to date without knowing that much, but the list will also change with time. 

6. Keep an open mind, try to be empathetic, and have fun. Don't compromise just to please the other. Learn to take a stand and draw boundaries from the start.

7. Use protection always, no matter what. And also have some self defense prepared just in case (for all genders).

Having met hundreds of people through dating apps in the last decade, these are a few rules I formed for myself over time. Hope they help :)

Dating rules 101

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