A combination of happiness and stress is making me slow at a new job I joined. How to improve ?
I have gone through quite a lot of things in a very short amount of time in the last year or so.
I don't want to go through all the details. Around 3 years ago, my father had a lot of huge loans. In order to pay those, I had to take multiple loans over time. Soon, there was a point when the EMIs crossed my salary and I was not able to support for a few months. The phone used to keep ringing non stop and collection agents would come home.
Additionally, I was in a job where I did not get the promotion that I deserved, and the constant anxiety made it hard to focus too. There was a lot of politics in that particular team and I was put into PIP.
However, problem solving has always been my passion and something that I have been able to do without worrying about other things. I regularly participate in contests and I was able to get a slightly better job quickly in around 2024.
The job was better, but they had lowballed me based on the market situation and the salary was still not enough to pay the EMIs.
Suddenly a whole host of things happened in the last few months.
An ancestral property got sold, allowing me to close many of my father's loans and some of mine.
I was able to get a new job at a new level.
My parents got divorced
My father had a heart attack, but he recovered.
I usually have a positive mindset so I feel happy his surgery was successful and happy many loans are reduced rather than sad at why I had loans or why he had a heart attack.
I now joined a new job in 2025. However, there was no break time in between my previous job and my current job.
Most of the time, I feel such extreme relief and happiness at not being under a huge loan and having EMIs much lower than my salary, at getting a new job and then some stress over the parents' divorce (though I am happy it's amicable), I am finding that I am not able to focus much at work.
My emotions often oscillate from extreme relief to extreme happiness to slight stress, that when I sit at the computer, I am seldom able to focus at work or get to know the new architecture. I was so used to having the huge burden of the loans that I feel very free at closing many of them.
However, I noticed I am working slow and avoiding doing the work. Even if I sit and open the IDE, I soon get distracted and start thinking of other things - either the happiness or the stress. People in my company are starting to notice that I'm slow.
I want to speed up before I get into any trouble. I do want to do well at this job. I want to fix my focus and was wondering if anyone had any tips for this.
To be frank, if you ask me how I feel about programming - I love doing it, when it is for myself. I don't like doing it for a corporate role. I don't like the meetings, the jira tickets, the code reviews, the appraisals, the access requests and so on and so on. I am thinking I don't enjoy what I do as much and got disillusioned by the politics at the previous job where I got put in PIP because of politics. I don't want to stretch myself too much or compromise health like I once did, but I do want to coast along at a speed nobody notices. It's just I feel extreme emotions of happiness or stress or a huge flood of relief after standup and it's making it hard for me to focus, even when I try to sit with an IDE.
One interview, 1000+ job opportunities
Take a 10-min AI interview to qualify for numerous real jobs auto-matched to your profile 🔑
Bro, after what you went through, if the impact on work performance is the max you’ve let it affect you, you’re extremely strong
With that level of maturity and willpower, if I was a betting man, I’d bet on you hitting it out of the park in the next few years
Sorry for all you went through. Tough times create tough men, you’re an example to learn from!
Contrary opinion: vacation will not help. Once you join back, you will feel the same rush of feelings you are going through with the added expectations of teammates of good deliveries. Now, what should you indeed do (in my opinion):
- Having gone through something similar myself, where my performance was down, I was not able to deliver on stuff and questioning myself in a loop while fearing being fired, I can tell you this recovery will span months!
- You need to keep injecting yourself with positive thoughts, take a step back, acknowledge the situation you were in, and how things worked out well. Keep reinforcing the same, relive your down moments and if you could go through it, you can do this too.
- Focus on immediate deliveries, your first short term focus should be to do enough not to get into PIP. Put other things aside, ensure your current commitments are not faltering. Set the minimum threshold to be out of PIP and focus on being there first. Once you solve that, you would see the path lit up eventually.
- See if you can save emergency funds to give you a run for 6 months. Worst case if you are put into PIP, you would be good for 8 months (assuming 2 months PIP). Try feeding this back, in these 8 months, if worst comes to worst, you would still land a good job. This would help you ease out the pressure of delivery.
- Take time out and do activities which made you happy as a child, could be as simple as a walk or listening to music or talking to an old friend. Once we get too deep into corporate shit and life, we miss out our viewpoints as a child and start planning life rather than living life.
Since you are already seeking out support, it’s a good sign that you acknowledge the problem, and I am sure that you will work it out! Kudos to your efforts and recoveries.
Hmmm, I think you need to close your tickets this sprint and take a vacation and go travel for a week and return back rejuvenated
Only three things..
-
Therapy - talk to a therapist. Just the exercise of talking it out clears your mind, and you'll thank me for this alone. Earlier, people were paid to use their body to work, now it's mostly brain. You gotta keep it in shape to perform well. It's how a knowledge economy works.
-
Exercise - Very underrated. Increases focus.
-
Meditation/morning walks without any devices - when you walk, you think. When you think, you dissipate excess mental energy that would otherwise interrupt you during the day.
I hope these help.
+1 @Tjravi
I'm really sorry you're going through that. You seem to have PTSD from family and work situations, these can be incredibly tough to deal with. Have you been able to talk to anyone about it—friends, a therapist, or someone you trust?
Prioritize yourself, corporate often have employee assistance programmes for counseling. I recommend you try that.
You are self aware! It is a big step in itself. Take one day at a time. Follow the above suggestions by @tjravi
Something I can relate to. I have been through similar situations. These feelings I have experienced in the past. What helped me were 2 things: 1.) Travel break 2.) My hobby (Playing Cricket)
2nd helped big time.
Also one suggestion. remember that you still have to clear some more loans. This job will help you close them. Let this motivation drive you.
Dude you are at Microsoft. It's more or less government job level security and work pace. Relax and smell the roses. Go on vacations and learn to unwind. Talk to a therapist if need be. Don't worry about job security.
Hey Buddy!
First of all you're doing great, never forget to tell yourselves this.
I have also gone through a family tragedy which has forced me to give a considerable amount of my time and energy to the things which were not caused by me.
I can completely relate to the sudden influx of emotions which you can't control, the inability to focus on one thing without being worried about the things going backstage.
One thing which has kept me going is the belief that one day all this will be over for good and I won't live with the regret that I didn't fulfill my responsibilities. I have tried vacations, parties etc. They're all short term solutions, these things will stay and we need to accept them as they are and still do our best.
I know it takes a lot of courage to put this all out, feel free to reach out to share anything because I'm in the same boat.
Hopefully we can get past it.
God bless
🫂 I understand the part of having to support family and becoming their last string of hope to come out of the loan hell. Even I'm in the same situation right now some financial mistakes were made by my parents and now I have taken it upon myself to pay off the dues.
I have a younger brother he's working too but I don't want to diminish his future by sharing the load. I have not been a good son so I have taken it as my way of apologizing to my parents that I am not what they wanted me to be. After 3 years the loans are still being paid I have not enjoyed my 20s not even a single day, all I wonder is when will it end man. But as a man we cannot even talk about it infront of anyone other than these platforms.
I'm tired actually tired of trying to build a financial safety wall around my family and they think I should now get married and I don't want my future partner to stay put on their aspirations because of my decisions but I don't want to be alone as well. The thought was crushing me everyday of 2024 and then by the end of 2024 I realised do I really want anyone to be with me and then thing kinda sorta got good. Got an offer which will be giving me some breathing space and not be constantly be thinking about how would I manage the next EMI.
And last week I just took a week off and slept like a baby for 14+ hours a day it was as if a big burden has been lifted from my chest. Workwise I was in deadlock of the same situation I was losing focus but now I'm locked in again maybe your mind got some freetime and it's recuperating from all the stress.
Stay strong brudda us sharing this incident would help someone in the future who is going thru the same situation and give them strength that this too shall pass.
You need to take atleast a small break. Plan one for the near future (within next 1-3 months). The planning itself will keep you occupied & in a positive frame of mind. Give yourself at least 2 weeks of vacation. I would strongly advise you to go out of station to a calm place & enjoy some peace and tranquility.
If you do decide on taking a break, do not make the mistake of squeezing in some hectic tour please, it defeats the purpose & you won’t feel any better.
To improve :
- Do 1 hr of something you enjoy for just yourself like playing ps5
- When working put on headphones and listen to anything that helps you focus
- Use a stop watch ⌚️ to try pomodoro technique : deep work for 25mins , take a 5to10min break , repeat
- Don't dwell on the past, focus on the present and future, you'll invent sufficient reasons to worry that spur you into action
- Enjoy the relief you feel, share it with someone close, drink to it , make it a memory you can go back to.