I'm struggling with my relationship with my father. We're a family of five - mom, dad, wife, son, and me. There's a lot of love, especially from him towards me and his grandson. He'd do anything for me, truly. Everyone love him, but his anger issue no one can stand him....
He gets really fired up sometimes, and it creates a tense atmosphere in the house.
Couple of days ago we have small family function, our budget exceed And he was very angry he just started blaming us , I already tall you we just don't have to invite so many people.
It's not like we talked to him,,,but it doesn't work...sometime I feel like I should move another city as job excuse I don't want to leave my parents....I don't wanna my son grow without him.I don't know how it will shape our relationship.
First of all it's good you are being this patient and don't want to leave your parents.
Check with your mom when she is alone and try to dig deep about this anger issues, make a journal about him and mark entry whenever he gets triggered, write when he got triggered what was the intensity of anger, what made him angry, what he did before getting angry and after getting angry.
You might find patterns in his anger, this patterns and information from mom others might reavel deeper reasons for his anger, then you can work on resolving them.
Just an observation from what you have written,this might not be reason giving example for clarity, he got angry because you overspent, he might have overspent in his days and he is feeling guilty about it and doesn't want you to make same mistake
We often overvalue our parents because we have lived with them all our lives - but just like any other human beings they are flawed and imperfect. Living separately does not mean one doesn’t love them- if that were true then women should not be asked to leave their homes after marriage.
Anyway you have mentioned you don’t want your son to live without him. Why? Would you rather he is subjected to violent and unpredictable outbursts. Your duty as father and your wife is first for the child. Rest everything is temporary in this world. You asked for our opinions and I have shared mine- some people get offended when hearing about their parents- I hope you are the sensible one. Good luck!
My dad is the same. Even heart attack didn't change him completely but he's trying to improve now after a close brush.
Try to get his health checked up and use it as the reason to try and practice staying calm in situations.
Why not talk and reason with him. Make him understand that you fear the person you love when he gets angry. That you wanna move away just because of this reason. That's there's better way to convey things and getting angry isn't good for anyone, let alone him. If he truly loves you all, you owe it to him to try and reason with him
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