Decided to live for the day from 15/02/2025

As someone who has not been living for the first 30 years of life, I on 15/02/2025, decided to live. For all the past years of my life, I had living with fear. May be its my anxiety trait or the unexpected events happened on my life, i never enjoyed life. I was all in fear or preparing for future.

School days were too pressurizing that my present life. Death of mom turned things upside down. I was 11 at that time.

After that was my sister's multiple bipolar relapses.

All these may seems silly or i may seems like the complaining guy but that is fine.

From class 10, i was always preparing for future. When i was 10, i was prepare for entrance and once in college, it was cool but i did nothing. Never had a confident, as i was too skinny at that time.

I never had good friends in school. At least at college time, i had some. I never felt that i belonged to somewhere. Nor nobody noticed my presence.

Once out of college, it was for a job. Grinded 2 years to get into nit trichy but on the 2nd sem, covid hit and came back home. Covid was a hard hit for our branch placements

Finally managed to get a decent job as developer. Being into IT, it took 6 months to understand what is really happening.

Then it started to prepare for next job. Once i got into job, i started getting the fear of being financial instable. I had serious salary issue in that company which made me realise how insecure my job and my life was.

Its just one fear after the other.

Came to bangalore last year. I have 0 social life. I am constrainting myself as i feel i am a boring or its the fear of being rejected from others. I had faced the same in school days where i dont belong to any groups and all alone. May be its the same trauma still in me.

Currently, i am worried about my future, my financially instability, whether i will have a good life whether i will be laid off and the list goes on.

I never lived in present.

Entire 20s was spend on getting a job and i waited to enjoy life after getting a job when i have a job but after getting a job, its just another reason.

I was very sacred of talking in public and always been in my comfort zone.

If you ask me why i am writing this, i know there will be alleast one who is in the same path.

Things i have decided i will be going:

Doing things that scares me Take as much as rejection as possible. I am taking rejection as a reward. Stop Rushing Leaving Till which are not in my control. Maintaining a balance in everything. Talk to strangers Running 5 km daily Improve coding skills. Stop thinking about past

I have 0 social life now but will improve it by the end of this year.

I will make sure that i belong to somewhere and i do have my people.

No MORE WORRYING HAPPY LIVING MAKE FRIENDS LIVE A LIFE

I will posting on 31/12/2025 will all the acheivements and on how i lived my life this year