Hi, I work at HclTech with in-hand around 60K I have personal loan and parents took homeloan for house construction. We are still repaying it.
My concern is my marriage is fixed and girl is not working and she is not sure if she works after marriage. I have my own life goals and dreams, staying in Bangalore and hustling day and night. I am not yet ready for marriage but my parents are not listening (society pressure).
This marriage expenses end to end coming on us. Girl family is asking for luxurious events and we are unable to do. We already taking loans on our farmland for this marriage. I am begging my family to give me 1-2 years I will save money and we can plan it later. Nobody listening. I talked to the girl and requested her to cancel this wedding but she is not doing it. I told her I have someone else in my mind but still she is not believing. She says I should talk to her parents. that I can't do (I said I will talk to my parents you convince yours) Now marriage date is nearby she is not receiving my calls nor responding to my messages but talking nicely to my family members. She even lied we are talking daily and getting along well.
I am BTech in Mechanical, she is Msc in physics. I tried hard in my initial days of career to become software engineer but I couldn't so I am dreaming to have partner in software field. I wish to come out of this financial trouble and live a peaceful life. I am not materialistic but she is I live simple life she is classy I am introvert she is extrovert I don't have friends she has lots I like to stay in home she loves to explore
She says "I know how to handle you" Whenever we talked in phone I was always acting as red flag so she get scared and cancel the wedding but she is not taking anything serious.
Is this my fate? Am I born to suffer? Will she understand and stays with me after marriage?
I asked her to cancel till last moment if We gets married I am not going to leave you till my last breath.
I am way younger than you. so, my advice may not mean much to you but mana kar do, abhi shaadi se pahle tum log ka ye haal hai shaadi ke baad sirf room partners who hate each other ban ke rah jaoge.
And about the red flag, jhut bol rahe to tum log ek dusre se, boundaries respect nahi kar rahe, communication hi band kar rakha, ab isse jayada kya chahiye.
Ghar walo ko news dikhao thoda ki kya ho raha hai marriage me aur usse bhi baat na bane to mujhse baat karao mai baat karta hu.
Achcha, toh Yeh job chalu kiya hai kya tumne ab ?
Sit with them .Be form on your decision.if they still didn't agree.Book some hotel be there for 2-3 days. tell themm you will not come until they can el ur marriage. Girl is not listening before marriage she will make ur life hell afterwards
Bhai, 32 saal ke ho, abhi bhi apne liye decision nahi loge toh kab loge?
Ouch!
@ElonMast please don't generalize.Each and every human being different and brought up with some different values in the society.He is not able to deny completely due to the imbibed values and societal pressures which may not be same for everyone.Depends on lot of factors like small town,metro etc
If you can’t stand for yourself, no one else will. If you remain a coward, whole life someone will keep controling you, today your parents control you, post marriage your wife may control you. You are acting like a Robot, try to act like a human!
Tell your parents you aren't marrying and go to another city for a year and two. Tell them - if they want to set marriage they can, but you won't be there
I said my parents if you are marrying me for society then tell to society that I got married and staying in Bangalore. I won't come village. My dad was very angry and was about to take wrong step so I agreed I told them if you feel happy seeing me suffer then go ahead. Now they went ahead and marriage date fixed
Let's consider your options:
You marry, you'll be facing both financial and mental pressure. Cuz you said the girl's family is educated and well off so she will want greater life quality than what you can for your current CTC. You said you are in debt already and that is going to increase the pressure on you. If the wife isn't going to work then the workload is all on you and when you get back home, you'll face taunts at the very least, disrupting your time at home. And if she later cheats/divorces (which I suspect may very well happen considering why she is still adamant on marrying you despite your refusal and your financial condition) then you will be done for.
Be a disappointment for your family and hope for the best that they don't off themselves. Tell everyone that you aren't marrying and distance yourself (very important) till things calm down and upskill to earn better. Payback all the debts and don't let the marriage happen if possible.
Find another woman who is ready to work and marry her instead of the current one. Compromise on her looks/age but don't compromise on her personality and career.
Also, if you read it so far - Ask your parents if there is any other reason why they want you to marry this particular woman?
And I am surprised that the woman's family is okay with a guy who isn't interested in their daughter. It seems to me that there is a hidden agenda behind this one, please be careful
Bro you are 32, you need to be more strong and take your own decisions so you can live your life This marriage is not going to be a success from any pov. You need to take a stand and decline it straightaway instead of hoping for her or either of the family to do so.
I did bro. I called for a family meeting my family and all my sisters came. I put my points infront of them and informed how this marriage not going to work. In the end they said everything will be good after marriage. She can adjust....
Good that you did that.. But there are multiple ways to say the same things and you need to understand the difference between them
Be more stern and primary decision make about this
Sorry if I was rude, but you need to understand that it's a life changing decision that you are looking at and therefore it should be 100% your call
How did you even agree to this girl? Did your parents force you to get married in general or get married only to this girl in specific? If it was an open option you could have gone ahead with someone else by simply rejecting this woman. When you're unable to save much, going ahead with someone who doesn't have a job and doesn't wanna work either is like walking into a bigger trouble along with your already existing troubles. And since you're living in Bangalore once you have kid (again I'm expecting people around you to pressurise and you falling for it!) your expenses are going to multiply from there.
You're also telling us that she's materialistic and classy. How do you plan to satisfy her wants from here?
You're 32, not 24. Take a stand and walk out of this. Be the villain once. You need to be happy in the long run and not satisfy people around you just for today. They are not even going to be there around when you suffer few years down the line.
Bro your situation is just like me 😔, I suggest take your time, after parents when anything happens, they suggest adjust, give time to each other which is most stupid advice, don't want to say but these parents make your life hell just because to satisfy society ego
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