Love marriage in different religion
I (28, Hindu Brahmin) am in love with this (30, Sikhni) girl. We are together in relationship from last 5 years. I am trying to convince my mom for marriage but she is not getting convinced. We have being in relationship for very long and she(girl) has waited for a very long time for us to get married. Everytime I talk to my mom, she says, you get married but don’t involve me. Girl’s family came to meet my mom, there also my mom denied. I said that I want to get married to this girl only. Girl’s family they are trusting me to get married to her only. They didn’t resisted much. I and girl’s family decided to get married in December, and have planned everything. I hve invited only my friends and girl’s family is also having few closed relatives. My mom is still not getting convinced. She is not talking about marriage at all. What should I do? On top of that my sister, is saying that I am rushing into it. Though it is clear my mom is not going to be convinced. What should I do? Getting stressed a lot. Anyone else who faced the same, going through it or anybody else who can share their pov or any idea around what should be done?
DesignTinker
Stealth
10 months ago
Only a granddaughter/son change her mind now buddy.
Gossipking
Stealth
10 months ago
Dadi aap yaha!!
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Marry the lady with pride. Be assertive.
This is not DDLJ where she will accept.
Fun fact : Ours is the generarion that actually tries to cajole our elders. Previous gen toh seedha bhaag jaate thhe ghar chhod ke.
But be financially and emotionally ready to face consequences which involve complete boycott from probably your family.
Your mother may come around but later.
xgrapeviner
Student
10 months ago
Yrr see .. the thing that matters is respect… if you’re financially independent that doesn’t give you permit to do whatever you want.. but since this is matter of whole life you should try to every extent ..
she will eventually agree … nothing is more important than you for her.. but the one thing she’s scared of .. about the girl.. if she is good for you or not..
This is emotional blackmail by the parent in the name of respect. 5 yrs is enough to whether they are good or not for each other.
President_Trump
Stealth
10 months ago
I don't understand this mentality of parents. We spend our entire lives doing everything as per their wishes, from choosing our school, subjects, degrees, and professions to our jobs. It's even more challenging for girls. I have a friend (female) who pursued engineering because her parents wanted her to and in the same city where her parents' relatives lived because they wanted to exert control, saying that relatives would take care of her after her degree. They even asked her to work in the same city. After doing everything according to their wishes, when you finally want to do something for yourself, they outright deny it. Don't you think sometimes we should rebel and ignore all their demands?
I would say that I know you respect your mother, and you've done your best for her in the past, and you'll continue to care for her in the future. But this time, if she isn't convinced, ignore it and marry the girl you love the most. Everything will be okay in the future.
Qwerty2398
Stealth
10 months ago
Family is our safety net. Do copy everything from the west. They have great social safety net options, we don't. if he goes ahead and marries her he will regret it in 2 years. 2 years , is if he is lucky.
President_Trump
Stealth
10 months ago
Why would he regret it? He loves her, and it is as simple as it looks. Isn't he allowed to choose what he really likes once in life? If it fails, what's the problem? Don't arranged marriages also fail?
Get in a room with your mother. Try to sit down and have a conversation. See if the points she raises are reasonable. As long as you have a counter, reason her with it and say that doing all this is gonna make you happy and thats what she wants too!
If the questions she raises are unreasonable / orthodox that don't sit well with you, then I don't know, maybe just make her realise that this is your life and your decision and you would really appreciate if she supported you.
At the end, it's your life, your choice. Just be a bit gentle about it, but stay your ground
Reassure your mom and provide her with reasons why this relationship is important to you. Keep discussing your feelings and give her time to understand. May not get sorted immediately, but sometimes, parents' concerns can ease with time. That is the only way now.
FindingHorses
Stealth
10 months ago
Try to get ur sister on ur side that's the best way. Let her meet her. Once u meet things change
EarlGreyTea
Stealth
10 months ago
1. Explain to her that you've spent the first 28 years of your life with your mother, and you couldn't be happier or luckier that you could do it with the person you love the most.
2. Then tell her the next 50-60 years (2x of 28), you wish to spend with the person who makes you as happy and loved as your mom did.
3. Explain her that you have a choice now: to spend twice the amount of time (60 years) with a person you love or a random individual. Ask her if she wants to see you happy and wishes to continue seeing you happy when she is no more.
4. She'll have your answer
Builderboy
Stealth
9 months ago
Tried! Tried every logic in world.
Emotion >>>> Logic 😭
The pain that you are going through will be a minuscule part of your overall life. Remove expectations and be present with the girl who is trusting you.
People may come, and people may go, but life goes on forever. It's true for mom, dad, wife, didi, behen, HR, CEO, everyone and anyone. As naval says, life is a single-player game.
So do what you think is correct at the moment. That's all that matters
Builderboy
Stealth
10 months ago
My dad passed away 3 years back!
Ajmonk96
Stealth
10 months ago
Indian parenting are worst, most of them comes and start bragging about the money they spend, and all that stuff, just like raising cattle.and they justify it in terms of love. Just imagin if india was rich and gov can take care of all ur education and health what these people can brag about.
xgrapeviner
Student
10 months ago
See i presume youve tried everything from your side,,
I will suggest asking your Maternal uncle(Mama) or Bua to convince her or anyone with whom your mother shares great Bond and can’t say no it might take time .. but see there are high chances if someone from your mother’s family tries to persuade her..
Builderboy
Stealth
9 months ago
Time is something that I am running low on. We fixed the marriage. I tried this. But they are changing their stance then and now.
Mxmaster
Stealth
10 months ago
I went through a similar struggle—both our families were super traditional and not on board, giving us a tough time for over three years. After a lot of drama and threats to cut ties, we got married. Things were rocky, but six months later, they started to see how happy we were together. Fast forward two years, and now our parents actually get why we stuck it out. They're cool now, even taking trips together, and it got easier for our siblings and cousins (inter state and inter community). I guess at the end of the day, all parents really want is to see their kids happy. They might be scared of what's new or worry about gossip, but your true loved ones stick around through thick and thin. Anyone who bails over small stuff wasn't really there for you to begin with. Just hang in there with patience and hope. Keep the trouble causing relatives away from family for a bit, be respectful, and reassure your mother. Good luck.
Builderboy
Stealth
10 months ago
Thank you for sharing your experience. Hopeful!
If you have given her at least a couple of years, then go ahead. Else wait
samosa
Stealth
10 months ago
convince your mom to meet her, let them have a conversation, that conversation might be eye opening either for you or your mother
also, if your relatives from your mother's side are convinced then take their help
Builderboy
Stealth
9 months ago
I tried doing this few times. Not much help out of it.
My maternal side people are not coming up as supportive.
Just let family and friends know you are getting married. Their stress comes from having to tell family members. You do it for them.
Leobaby
Stealth
10 months ago
You're lucky to find someone in today's toxic era. Go for it. Family will eventually pave the way.
Randomnumber
Stealth
9 months ago
Why do I feel that a new product related to story telling is being tested out here ?
have you asked your mom about what exactly wrong ?
Issues might be one from caste, age gap, religion.
I feel like out of 3, 1 will be the reason for rejection. Figure that out. Try to convince her, if it does not work, bhag k shadi kar le bhai..
Builderboy
Stealth
9 months ago
My mom comes up with one thing or another everytime.
Sometime she will say, I an not stopping you another time is like I don’t like her.
Numerous reason but none are at core or standing long.
DesignTinker
Stealth
10 months ago
*can change
