How do you make friends at the age of 33?

Dating is next to impossible, at least finding friends you can be yourself with should be comparatively easy?!

I am 21 years old. I have good offers (20lac+) from good companies, but I am not happy. I always feel that something is missing in life, I don't know what and why I feel so. I tried to get in a relationship, but whenever I express this feeling, things get bad between both of us. I really want to love and get loved. I have been living my life alone for about 3 years now. I want to make friends, and I want to be in a relationship, but the last 3 years have not been nice to me because of which I don't like going out and having fun. I was in a depression and a workaholic nerd for the past years and feel that now I have got wired in such a way which is not letting me have fun and enjoy life. I find myself lonely. Whenever I don't have anything to work on, I get anxious, and I get this question, what am I doing with life. Maybe I am feeling lonely while writing this post and may sound little gone case. Open to your suggestions, do share your stories if you have been through this phase. Is it normal to feel like this?

Most of us on Grapevine, working in corporate sector might make decent chunk of money if we keep grinding for a decade or two but very few of us would have the social capital (or as they say “networking” in our corporate jargon). Increasingly realising that the society respects the business owners or govt officers more than any senior leader in an IT firm. There is no social recognition for corporate folks. It might not be relevant for young folks as they still have some residual social recognition of the family for now, but what would happen after a decade or two. Most of the corporate “friends” are no longer in touch except for very rare ones. How does one build a social circle after 10-20 yrs in corporate? Would like to hear from folks above 40 yrs if they’ve had similar thoughts and how are they managing? Also, What are some ways one can start building social circle overtime while doing a corporate job? PS: I am referring social capital as having a certain level of stature in society alongwith deep connections with some people living around you who can help you in need or can expect something from you. This is different from LinkedIn networking where primary expectation is referrals.

Acknowledge Your Feelings: Accept that you are lonely or have a monotonous life and you need to make the change. Don't hide behind "I'm an introvert", no you are just lazy and you are ok with living the shitty life, you just want spoon feeding, nothing else. Be Open to New Experiences. It's all about initiatives, you have to take risks and put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Do following at least once per week: Have lunch/dinner/ outside your house. Watch a movie in the theatre instead on your laptop. Work from a cafe. Talk to a stranger. Play a sport/game, you don't have to be good at it. Many people just play for fun. Find events:Just google "events near me" or "events in bangalore" etc. Give priority to physical in person experiences instead of digital ones. Explore your surroundings, go for a walk in the morning or evening, take out time, talk to your neighbours. Reach Out to Colleagues or Alumni, we all have active fiends, get in touch with them. Take Classes or Workshops, even if you are not interested. Don't hesitate to spend money on experience, see money as investments, not expenses. Don't self reject: means don't think about what would happen and just at home, anyway you aren't doing anything. People took initiatives to start groups & clubs, either start one for your area of interest, or join one. Practice Self-Care and Stay in Touch with Loved Ones: you know what that means. All this would impact your personal & professional life as well. You will stop blaming your job/manager/colleagues and accept that you were the problem, it's your choice to change your life. If you don't do any of this and still cry about your life, hope you know that "nobody cares about your shitty life, nobody is going to come save you, you are on your own and survival of the fittest". If you don't put in the effort, you deserve whatever shitty place you are at. It might not be as easy, but don't let yourself take advantage of you.

What started as an Instagram-inspired social experiment has turned into a startup idea. (Refer: Men https://grapevine.in/post/808462ef-8ae0-4269-aaa3-c683ba1194bb and women https://grapevine.in/post/6bcaeffa-0cac-44a2-98a5-fc7a14786e85 survey) Few observations: 1. Our generation has moved on from orthodox thinking (baring few people) to more emotional compatibility 2. Men have more worldly expectations, while women seek spiritual features; none are right/wrong as long as they find each other. 3. Very glad that no one 'expected' the partner to take up gendered roles as dictated by society So, coming to the matchmaking platform. The idea is to have all aspects of life considered - personality, profession, family, demographics, physical attributes, etc. and have a weighted scale against them. Though I have my doubts here 1. An Introvert will need an extrovert to seek them but will be drained of social battery later. How do they match? 2. Physical attributes pull down people who aren't confident with their looks; that doesn't relate to how good/bad they are as partners. But without pictures, it will be a risky surprise element. 3. Prevent parents from creating accounts on children's behalf. Probably a social media log-in Share your thoughts on the compatibility algorithm and the problems we may face. P.S. I am not a techie, will need someone to actually build this. Will take care of marketing. Let's help someone find their soulmate ❤️ P.P.S. If this takes off, I will change my username to TimaSaparia

Hey Folks. Here for some advice… Context: I’m 37. MBA+Engg Grad working. Big Blr Startup. Good Role in Biz. Married (Started dating 12 years back & then got married). I’m an extrovert/fairly social (Mostly hang out/around other people/friends around a similar life stage - age/work). Most of my friends from School, Engg & B-School are all over the place (we meet once in a year types), no one in Bangalore. Hanging around with people at work is not something I like to do more than once in a month. My wife, on the other hand, has a good set of friends, with whom I hang out quite regularly (guys & girls). For a while now, I’ve been thinking of investing some time into making friends/building relationships outside of my social circle (Not that I’m looking to cheat on my wife, but then sometimes it’s good to hang out with people who aren’t your partner’s friends or are already part of your existing work/social circle). In short - I’d like to meet unconnected new people. And I’m realizing that at my age, it’s not so easy to do so without seeming creepy. About a year back, I met an ex-colleague (28F) over drinks (She was in town and asked if we could meet) - Super attractive and smart. It has 12+ years since I’ve randomly met anyone from the opposite sex alone for a meal/conversation (outside of a work meeting). At first, it was super awkward - uncomfortable pauses, loss of words, asking dumb questions, etc. Luckily, in a bit, alcohol kicked in and then it got much better… We still text & meet if we’re in each other’s cities with some time to spare. That’s when it hit me that I was good at making small talk, but have no idea what to talk about when it’s someone who’s some 10+ years younger. Seems like another generation (which it probably is)… While I felt so, I must also admit, I had a great time to be honest - the conversations were energizing/different and to be honest, a tad exciting too. 1/2

Context: I am a software engineer with 4 years of experience. Everytime I work with a bunch of engineers (Especially Indian Startups). Most of them are workaholics. They are just working for some company full-time. They are interested in learning more about technology, making jokes about technology, following technology news, etc. That is it. No social life. (Especially after Covid). No skills in any other part of life. Their comfort zone is so small that they have developed a lifestyle of working, sleeping & watching something on laptops and that's it. They make an excellent salary but don't do anything else. Every time I meet a 35-40-year-old software engineer, it is just a physically unfit guy with an arranged marriage who is boring as a brick.

Nowadays, it is difficult to maintain friendships (old friends) as many are pursuing dreams and for that one has to shift for other countries/state and the rest busy with there jobs and family business. New friends are difficult to make where people already have there groups of bunch of friends where they don’t want anyone else to join (old friends groups) & also as the smaller groups are easy to manage and for execution of any plans. While growing up due to change in habits (smoking, drinking, etc) of our friends we did lose few.. and now they don’t call me up for any plans! So, basically i am left alone with nobody by my side apart from cousins of same age (more or less)! Most of the time, I spend my day working on my business.. or at times, working out or reading books.. But at times, i am left alone with my own thoughts and that feeling at times is exhausting and frustrating and sometimes this loneliness becomes toxic! Can anyone help.. how can we make friends in midst of all this?

I have recently stopped smoking and I never liked drinking anyways. Do you think there’s a way to hang out and network with people without doing these things?