Loosing a parent

To the people who lost a parent young( I'm 24), how are you coping the loss? I lost my dad 2 months back. It was sudden. I'm still in shock. Many of our peers don't understand the feeling we are going through. How did you find your support system?

I am 28 M. I was born in a poor family and to make matters worse my father was diagnosed with a terminal illness when I was still in college. As if watching my father dying was not enough I came to know that my mother was having an affair with my father's friend. I never caught them but I saw their whatsapp messages. My father eventually succumbed to his illness leaving the family responsibilities on my shoulders. I never got to enjoy college. My first paycheck was spent on the medical bills and subsequent paychecks were spent on clearing my brother's education loan, paying back relatives (we borrowed some money for my father's treatment) and just taking care of my family. I want to get married but honestly I don't have any money for it now and I don't want to take a loan. I never had any relationship. It could never become a priority. And it's not about just sex. It's something deeper. Maybe intimacy, maybe human touch, maybe something else. I don't know. I tried hard to focus on my work and hobbies but It merely proved to be a temporary escape. I don't even know why I am narrating all this to a bunch of strangers but then again aren't we all in the same boat at the end?

I’m a very private person and I was a bit confused whether I should write here or not, but anyway. So, day before yesterday I was sitting on my chair after dinner and was thinking about my life and what the hell am I doing. I realised that, Saala bachpan se aaj tak race me hi bhaag raha hun. Pehle school me 1st, 2nd, 3rd aane ki race me. Then acche college milne ki race me. Then uske baad acchi job milne ki race me. Then uske baad agar ladki chahiye toh uske liye bhi ek race hai (Don’t have a gf, plz don’t take me wrong, it was a realisation) My current daily routine is like this: Wakeup everyday, write code, go gym, dinner, and then sleep and repeat this cycle everyday. School ke dost peeche chhoot gaye, college ke dost apni life me busy ho gaye, colleagues se main zyada baat nhi karta and main akela padh gaya. Feels like life is not intriguing anymore, it has no spark left. Its so painful to live everyday. I feel like I don’t want to live any more, I want to die but I can’t cuz of 2 reasons. 1. I’m the only son of my parents. 2. If I die like this, then I won’t be able to come out from the birth cycle. That’s it 🙏🏼

2 years ago my mom left me as if I was not needed. She always had in mind that her son is everything. I felt so bad and I used to talk less with her . But I used to always cry about why I am not needed. Today my mom is no more and I feel so bad that I couldn't do much 😭.

MOM said this line to me, today again. There have been countless times, when I have heard this from throughout my childhood. And then, people ask me why you don't love your mom. I don't feel bad anymore as I have accepted this sentence for life. But it made me understand that, words like these can kill anyone's self confidence, moral and belief to stay alive. I am thankful to my mom, that she made me strong enough in my early days that when someone says anything harsh to me now, I don't give a fuck. Guys, always be wise to choose the words you speak to someone, even if you are in immense rage. I am using this platform to share this, because I can never tell this to anyone else. Even, I haven't told this to my girlfriend who has been with me for the past 4 years. SPREAD LOVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN ❤

With zero finance and not single interview call I really deciding to end this journey on this planet. Come on don’t label me coward ending own life needs huge load of courage too. This is also help my family to get the Life insurance money and continue their normal life at seems to only option at the moment.

Posted this in Deloitte private group, sharing for everyone to see the reality of Deloitte: Last year, I worked the hardest I had every worked. I had the most toxic environement with my client and my team. I still stayed extremely quiet and silent, continued to work through some of the darkest days in my life. I thought of offing myself atleast 2 times in the last year. I was given a 16% hike which was the highest in my entire team. I was not happy. The reason was that my mom was extremely sick last year. I sent my sisters money to take care of her but she had severe upper respiratory distress that had made it's way to her lungs. I could only meet her last Diwali. I was completely torn when she left us forever last February. I had to man up and act in accordance with what society expects from me. I did not cry at all, I finished her rites and came back to Gurgaon. My girlfriend has been a solid support to me. She has been my rock through all of this pain. But my only regret is that I didn't see my mom more often. I have gotten my hike for the hard work. Was my mom really worth 16% hike? FUCK YOU DELOITTE. I AM LEAVING SOON.

I am a fresher doing b.tech in cse, I don't have a job right now, my previous company declined thr joining due to which I was not able to apply for other jobs coming on campus. My friends got job somewhere, I feel very disappointed in myself and I can't see my family lower their expectations in me. Mentally I am not in the state to do anything, I think my life is falling apart although it didn't even start. I am lacking motivation, I cry all the times thinking what will happen now. My father is retired, he's getting old, I want to give him that luxury and things but I can't get success thay easily. I am struck at the lowest point in my life. Even my friends are not helping me. I don't share my feelings with anyone. I don't know what to do should I look for a job or start preparing for MBA or MS in USA. I know this point came in life of many people, please help out I can't see myself going anywhere.