Thursday thoughts

To your friends, peers and family.

I’m a very private person and I was a bit confused whether I should write here or not, but anyway. So, day before yesterday I was sitting on my chair after dinner and was thinking about my life and what the hell am I doing. I realised that, Saala bachpan se aaj tak race me hi bhaag raha hun. Pehle school me 1st, 2nd, 3rd aane ki race me. Then acche college milne ki race me. Then uske baad acchi job milne ki race me. Then uske baad agar ladki chahiye toh uske liye bhi ek race hai (Don’t have a gf, plz don’t take me wrong, it was a realisation) My current daily routine is like this: Wakeup everyday, write code, go gym, dinner, and then sleep and repeat this cycle everyday. School ke dost peeche chhoot gaye, college ke dost apni life me busy ho gaye, colleagues se main zyada baat nhi karta and main akela padh gaya. Feels like life is not intriguing anymore, it has no spark left. Its so painful to live everyday. I feel like I don’t want to live any more, I want to die but I can’t cuz of 2 reasons. 1. I’m the only son of my parents. 2. If I die like this, then I won’t be able to come out from the birth cycle. That’s it 🙏🏼

We all be here, nominating each other in bank accounts life insurance and what not What's the legal recourse?

So, my friend's parent passed away due to cardiac arrest. He is clueless about his dad's policies, savings, stocks. Not that they're strapped for cash, but he'll be spending months sorting through this mess. My father caught wind of this and sat me down. Turns out, he's already got an excel sheet with bank acc ids, nominee names, mother's financials, shared on the google drive. That's when it hit me - that my father has accepted that he's old, anything can happen at any moment. Couldn't focus on the convo after that. My mind kept playing out weird scenarios, and damn they're all scary. I guess that's life? We'll all go through losing someone close eventually.

https://collabfund.com/blog/a-few-things-im-pretty-sure-about-0923/

Was thinking about our lives. Ever since you are in school, you have something to look forward to. When you’re in 1st grade, you know next year it’s 2nd grade and so on till you finish your undergrad. Suddenly, you could be everything or nothing at the same time. Those who are good at this game of eternal growth end up grinding their lives away in the PCM -> Engg -> B-School -> Consulting hell loop. Weirdly, the determinism in growth fades away suddenly and you see people finally pursuing diverse fields. Then, the realisation kicks in. You’ve been conditioned to chase eternal growth. That is what brings meaning to you in every part of your life. Today has to be better than your yesterday, or else it feels like you’ve failed. I wonder how sustainable that is but till then we will continue to throw our youth away. My 2 cents: You have a brief moment in history. Don’t spend your 10 years of prime in doing things that don’t bring you any joy. Don’t make the same mistakes all of us make chasing joys because others are chasing them. Find your own meaning to this eternal growth.