Software Engineers Community

by MeanKid58

a year ago

Crush on my teammate is affecting my productivity

I have a female coworker of mine with whom I have become very good friends with. We talk a lot during office hours. I feel very happy around her and i am able to express myself the most in front of her. I keep thinking about her all the time, even when i am at home, during weekends. However i feel that she only thinks of me as a friend and nothing more. This is based on signals i picked up during various instances, conversations we had. This thing breaks my heart. Also since I dont have a friend group as such to make weekend plans with, i mostly keep thinking about this during weekends sitting at home and this shit has been hurting me a lot. Seeing my other friends insta stories is a final bullet which further pushes me into depression. Sometimes i just feel like being open about this in front of her but then this could take a very bad turn if things dont work out in a happy way. I also cannot completely avoid her since we are in the same team and same project. Can someone please help with how to deal with this?

bottleofgin

YC Backed Startup

a year ago

First of all uninstall instagram. I have done it and it helped with my social anxiety.

Gonedalf

Stealth

a year ago

PilasticSearch

Cred

a year ago

See more comments

AliveYouth71

Stealth

a year ago

Either propose or stop the friendship. No point suffering like this. Most likely u'll be rejected based on your comments but it'll atleast clear your mind

namespace

Hardware stealth

a year ago

Isn't it against hr policy to propose a colleague ?

DownUnder

Walmart

a year ago

The only policy that exists in the office is against PDA (public display of affection). No one is punishing you for having a relationship in the office with your co-worker.

AITookMyJob

Startup

a year ago

Either rizz her up or shut up bro. Stop daydreaming.

Dara

Swiggy

a year ago

This is completely fine. There are two things. One is clear things out. Instead of overthinking, just ask her out.But if you have to be open that things can go in a different direction. Also do not be desperate, that's the killer. Second thing is focus more on your passion (not work related ).Lastly talk to more girls. (This boosts your inner confidence if you are an introvert)

LooseGoose

Stealth

a year ago

This^, also uninstall Instagram. Best therapy ever. Peace of mind is better than yoga.

rageremix

Vymo

a year ago

Don’t shit where you eat, cause this sounds like attraction to me. If you have fallen for her that’s a different case, but that’s not the point here. I don’t know how to make friends, cause it happens unknowingly.

namespace

Hardware stealth

a year ago

I might be wrong but I think, she might be one of the few female friends you have, and this might be one of the reason for your attraction/affection towards her. More over lack of friends group is keeping you unoccupied. I suggest you to Uninstall instagram Engage in sports or gym or Join some coaching classes(ex:- arts, dance, language learning, martial arts etc..) Keep yourself occupied and get to know about yourself

average_gym_bro

Intel

a year ago

You are in my dream company bro

ElephentKnife

US Based Startup

a year ago

If you are sure that she doesn't have any feelings towards you, try to forget her. If that isn't happening, move to another company, otherwise it's gonna affect both.

EarlGreyTea

Stealth

a year ago

When you're not in office working, Keep yourself busy by - 1. Hitting the gym/Going for runs 2. Hanging out with friends (without alcohol at this time) 3. Speaking to parents more 4. Speaking to your college buds more 5. Trying a new hobby Keep yourself busy so that you don't have time to think about her. And lastly get out of Instagram. That's the worst platform you can be at this point in time.

Gbdgchu

InMobi

a year ago

Just discuss your feelings with her. If she doesn't respond favourably, be mature about it and continue being yourself and don't break her trust or make things awkward. If it is meant to be then all will work out eventually. You might think it's easy for me to give this advice. But I've been there - expressed my feelings and didn't get a favourable response initially. I didn't break her trust and continued to be the person she looks up to and after three years, we got married. So cheer up. 🙂

shinigami

Stealth

a year ago

This generation is doomed

zuck

Startup

a year ago

Just ask if she wants to hangout for the weekend

GlassIsHalfEmpty

Stealth

a year ago

Life is too short. Minimize the regrets. Take it slow with her to know where you stand and who knows, it might turn into something long term and beautiful. Be mature though to not feel dejected if it doesn’t turn out as you want it to be.

ShivBaba

Adobe

a year ago

Ask her out. But also be prepared to lose that friendship with her. Been there, done that.