Just wanted to write
I have never had any friends except in my college. Everywhere I was the most silent person. Honestly I try to socialize and get one friend always but as soon as someone else comes then they start making fun of me and slowly I start getting alone again. While they continue to grow their friendship. This has followed me everywhere - in school, in college and now present. I am just surprised that why am I always able to secure one friend and then lose only when someone else joins. Why do always they make fun of me only. If they had balanced behaviour like making fun of the other in our trio then maybe I might not have felt alienated. Never had any girl to talk as well. It simply hurts man as we are human beings "Social Animals". It's our genuine habit to socialise. But I am always left rendered alone. No one celebrates my birthday. You know out of these years there had been only one time when I was called in a birthday party that was when I was in 4th standard. Even my roommates never included me in their birthday party. Hello was from my child school days only. Like he once himself told me that he and his friends never considered me for inviting into birthday party as they felt uncomfortable as they were not toppers. I had not asked for any explanation nothing. Man this just kind of brought me to reality. In my professional world also this continues. No one celebrates my birthday though they cut cakes of each other in office. Also no one asks me for party as well. I am too much alone and alienated. I just don't know how will I get out of it.
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This just might be completely useless to you but I will just talk about this anyways. Hope it helps you somehow. I had a habit of keeping one friend in school and nobody else. I would very closely evaluate his character, and then decide "Yes, the guy is perfect". Then just try to do everything with the poor guy. One day he turned around and said "Why do you have to follow me around all the time! Find something to do!" Similar incidents kept happening to me throughout my school and college life. My academics also were declining parallely but not because of this. So I completely lost my sense of purpose because I was not a good student anymore and I thought noone would want to be around me now since that's the only thing I had of value. Spent years in hell, isolating myself from other people, indulging in a lot of self destructive behaviour. I skipped classes, stopped picking up phone calls from my close family, drowned myself in getting distracted from reality however possible. I just thank God that my mind somehow kept me scared from drinking and smoking. I would have killed myself with those habits. I stopped looking for my people and tried to accept people as they came. Till I randomly came across some wonderful people, among them this wonderful lady I am going to marry. I spent years trying to find my people. But they found me. Sorry for this long verbal vomit. I don't know how to help you. But I hope you find happiness.
Thanks and happy for you
Stop worrying about "Log kya kahenge, and be the loudest guy in the group.". Then see the magic. Easier said than done. Equally, it's just as simple as flip a switch on how you can show your otherside. Easy. Try it
Thanks
I had a meltdown today thinking about the same thing. I can relate to every word you’ve written here. I’ve never celebrated my birthdays either, even during college. It has impacted me so deeply that I now dread my birthday and start having anxiety attacks as the date approaches. I understand that you shouldn’t have expectations from others and that you should do things for yourself to stay content and happy. But no one talks about the immense mental strength it takes to do so, and eventually, you do get tired.
I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m exhausted from having to provide for myself in every way. There comes a time when you need a genuine friend or companion—someone who can simply be there for you while you take care of yourself. In every phase and situation of my life, I’ve found myself fighting alone, and honestly, it’s very exhausting. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but this is exactly how I’ve been feeling over the past couple of weeks.
I can also fully relate to you. All your words make proper sense and is important. Wish we all get good fortunes and social circle. Maybe on your birthday donate some food to needy as this really helps and releases something inside our body making us happy. It is definitely better than feeding fake friends.
I think you can relate to this: From my school days till now. I'm always the most silent guy, had little to no friends, in my school days I had only 1 or 2 friends but I wouldn't call them friends because they used to make fun of me when they were with the other guys, that bothered me a lot. Then in my 11th and 12th standard, I got only one friend who is still my close friend. In my BTech I had 2 friends who are still my close friends. In my MTech there's only one person that I talk to that's my roomate and no one else. In my job, no one is my friend.
Pretty much alone my entire life, the major problem for me is I can create a bond is only me and someone else is there, but if there's already a group formed, then I'll never be able to become friends with anyone of them because that intimidates me.
If you wanna hangout then I'm up man, it'll nice to meet with someone new and who went through something similiar situation like mine
Hope you get proper social circle. Thanks for replying. I just wanted to write so had made the post but still I will message when suitable
Bro I'm sending you a chat tell me your birthday will wish you no matter what , I'm same like you no matter how much I effort do good things nobody acknowledge, nobody except my family remember my birthday,nobody even care about me ,tell me your date I will do ,if you need party I will organise one for you.
🫂
Can i know ur bday so that i can ask party by sending cake☺
Hi thanks a lot. I had made this post because I wanted to write which is true. But birthday party was one of the examples of showcasing I am alienated to that extent. I thank you for helping me not feel alien in this case but main point of this post was to explore why do I lose friend. Why am I not able to keep them. Thanks again.