My Journey as a Feminist in Bangalore
I’m 35 years old woman, living in the vibrant city of Bangalore, and I work in a non-technical role. I’m also a feminist who has made the conscious choice to remain single. Yet, beneath this strong exterior lies an internal struggle that I need to voice.
I’ve fought against societal norms at my home that try to dictate a woman’s worth. It took me 3 years to get them to agree to my MBA.
But life has a way of challenging our convictions in the most unexpected ways.
I was diagnosed with infertility in my mid 20s. Took many doctor opinions but IVF is gonna be a very low chance affair for me.
The news hit me like a ton of bricks, shattering parts of me I didn’t even know existed. It made me realize that marriage and children were not for me, I never anticipated that the inability to have children would affect me so profoundly. But here I am, grappling with the reality that a choice I thought was mine to make has been taken away by forces beyond my control.
The feminist in me screams that I don’t need to conform to traditional roles to be fulfilled. But the woman in me mourns the loss of a possibility, of a path not taken. It’s an emotional paradox, this clash between my principles and my biology, leaving me in a state of inner turmoil.
In Bangalore, a city known for its progressiveness yet deeply rooted in tradition, it’s tough to navigate these feelings. On one hand, my professional life is thriving.
But despite my professional success and independence, I can’t ignore the societal whispers. Some days, I feel incredibly strong, embracing my choices. Other days, I feel a profound sense of loss. I’m learning to accept that it’s okay to have both feelings coexist.
To anyone facing similar struggles, you’re not alone. Our strength lies in acknowledging our pain and supporting each other.
Meri maa abhi 58 saal ki hain, unhone apni life me wo sb dekha h jo aaj kal ki mahilaaye socch ni skti, wo pddi bhi ni h jyada pr unhone humme pddaaya sbke against jaa kr … unko duniya walo ne pariwaar walo ne kya kuch ni khaa… maara hain … gaali diya hain…paise bhi ni the humare paas pr wo kbhi haar ni maani… mujhe lgta h feminism word me ldkiyon ko mislead kiya h abhi… depress kiya h… galat disha me le jaa rha h… ye mere personal experiences pr based opinion h sbka alag ho skta h… dhanyawad
World is not black and white. Not his comment is. Rather he is providing a perspective in the most respectful way
@well_wisher , what's your right to calling me out on it? Be humble enough to acknowledge someone's pain. You are hiding behind your mother's skirt.
My nephew will see me as a strong women for my times.
@Careless_whisper I am a man still I understand what you are going through. It's not your fault. If we men would have used our power of "being man" correctly and respected women and giving them the right care ; Then no women would have ever thought of being feminist.
I understand, the way you said, sometimes you question your life choices. At the same time it is equally questionable what we men did to women which made you and many like you to go on this path.
Now what can we do? Does taking this blame alone solve it?
No. This is not enough.
Rather we need to change ourselves. Both of the genders need to slowly move towards the right direction which aligns us to our internal happiness.
For men reading this, if you don't want this to happen -
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Man up - Take responsibility of yourself, your family, especially the children and female in the society. Don't be lazy. Earn well and have big heart to support your family.
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Control ego and power dynamics - Your wife/sister deserves equal respect as much as you. If you are supporting them with money then that doesn't mean you are superior. Your wife is there to heal your mind and heart after a long tiring day which can't be done with any amount of money. So, she deserves equal respect as you do.
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Women need to be protected, but learn to make balance between protection and freedom - Yes, we men are protective and caring. At the same time, this has led to women feeling "restricted". This has to be solved by letting your daughter/sister/wife have the freedom while also being protective in the right manner. Talk to her about what can go wrong and find a middle way.
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Learn to understand emotions of women - Women don't speak everything they think. So it's your job to understand that. If you like women to be "shy" then you have to be one who understands "her unspoken words".
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She is a human not an object - Learn this, she is much more than sx. She is Your emotional support, your companion, your best friend, your emotional teacher and all time supporter.
Learn to associate women with these roles rather than just sx.
For women -
Firstly I am not instructing you how to behave, rather I believe this would be good for you and you may start following the below as per your understanding and acceptance.
- Don't take decisions based on where you get more attention - You already know what is right and wrong. The social media has made us think "wrong is right", but internally all women are intelligent and wise enough to know what is right.
Wearing short clothes to get attention makes you attract wrong crowd. If you want good people in your life who respect you think of such small choices. Wearing for comfort is good, wearing for attention isn't.
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Think long term - Yes, you have seen your mom's or relatives mom's having bad time. Hence, your long term approach has became to become self independent. This is really good. At the same time, every man you see around yourself is not bad. Maybe your husband would be a good person. It's good to be self independent, at the same time if the husband is actually nice then it is a wise choice to take a decision between family and carrer.
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Follow your hobbies and passion : This will help you feel good and not "I just sit whole day in this house and I don't have anything good in my life".
Honesty, sitting on couch and being at home. Being able to do home chores, cooking food is actually a privilege.
To feel it like a privilege And rather than a burden, have a hobby and do what you like.
- Associate with high quality men and break away from toxic ones after 1-2 chances :
The more you stay with toxic men, the more you give the signal "it's okay to be toxic and abuse me".
In starting if you feel the person is not right, move away and see from distance how this person is behaving. If he seems well then it might be a mis conception. Otherwise, move away from that person quickly.
- Wait for the right person to give you all facilities, comfort and love :
Don't go on dates with every other guy just to have food or experience a elite place. If you focus on yourself, and upgrade your mind, body and soul then you will get a man who would give you all that elite comfort and peace.
Lastly, @Careless_whisper a lot of respect to you for being transparent and honest about your both feelings. More power and peace to you 💐
Your post confused me a little. What does infertility or living alone have to do with feminism? Why is it a clash between your principles and biology? Are you confusing
"I'm happy alone, I don't need men or children"
with
"There's a discrimination in society on the basis of gender that needs to be addressed"
Both are completely different.
Lol
@SlimDozen Arre app toh kaavi nikle 🤌🏽
Shukriya
