I like this girl who I've been friends with for over 5 years now. My intention is to have a long term partner, ideally leading to marriage and I want to be clear about this upfront. She meets most of my non-negotiable criteria that I want in a partner, is nice and I think we are decently compatible. She's in my thoughts more than enough for me to know that I really do like her.
I was in a relationship with another girl for >4 years, but we broke up about a couple of years ago. I was very sure that I was going to stay with that girl forever and the break up was extremely unexpected. That also created a lasting fear of rejection in me about trying to find long term love, which is why I'm also a bit afraid of approaching the current girl.
We also have tons of mutual friends and are decently good friends ourselves, which I don't want to ruin in case things go south after I approach her.
I'm ~25 right now and wish to get married before or around the age of 26.5-7. Considering that, this might be my last shot at finding long term love myself.
What would you do in such a situation? Any tips for me in what I can do?
Buddy,
It's been half a decade, long enough time for compatibility and stuff.
It's time for you to ask her out on a proper date and discuss those things with her.
Your PTSD is understandable, rejection sucks.
But if you don't face it head-on and waste even more years in a fruitless relationship, then you gain nothing.
Hope you understand :)
Just ask her for one or two dates, and then decide mutually what you want to do
No harm in trying. If it doesn't work out you'll still be friends.
Its 5 years... My advice is go head on...
I would say go for it. Same thing happened in my relationship. Friends with a guy for years and then he approached me. Yes, at first I felt betrayed but then I agreed and we dated for a while. Now we are happily married.
The fear of losing out a friend is true. But hey, you will never know until you try.
Be very clear in your mind that she is what you want as a long term partner because if that is not the case and you give this a shot, you will lose both friendship and a partner.
Once you have that sorted out, talk to her about your feelings. Tell her why you want her as a partner. Ask her if she is down to try for a couple of dates and give this a try. Be very clear that if this doesn't work out, she can walk away and you are absolutely fine being a friend then. Most people are afraid of losing what they have before trying something new. Assurance of that not happening goes a long way instilling confidence in you.
This approach worked out for me. So hoping this works out for you as well. Good luck and happy dating!!
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