The happy seed

Ive lost interest in everything in life. No hobbies, no friends, no office. Only work or babysitting. I keep on searching for things on amazon that would make me happy! I find nothing! I earn good but I don’t understand how to spend it( filled my kids toy room but now its too much toys for me to manage) Anxiety , panic attacks and stress! I really keep worrying what would happen if i get fired . Ironically I worry where to spend when I get salary. I feel I have zero wants except basic needs. Maybe I just want a peaceful life without stress. I am so confused.This was what I always wanted, fat cheque ,fancy title and a lovely kid.But I am unhappy! Drowning in responsibilities, in sesrch of happiness, in search of me!

I’m a very private person and I was a bit confused whether I should write here or not, but anyway. So, day before yesterday I was sitting on my chair after dinner and was thinking about my life and what the hell am I doing. I realised that, Saala bachpan se aaj tak race me hi bhaag raha hun. Pehle school me 1st, 2nd, 3rd aane ki race me. Then acche college milne ki race me. Then uske baad acchi job milne ki race me. Then uske baad agar ladki chahiye toh uske liye bhi ek race hai (Don’t have a gf, plz don’t take me wrong, it was a realisation) My current daily routine is like this: Wakeup everyday, write code, go gym, dinner, and then sleep and repeat this cycle everyday. School ke dost peeche chhoot gaye, college ke dost apni life me busy ho gaye, colleagues se main zyada baat nhi karta and main akela padh gaya. Feels like life is not intriguing anymore, it has no spark left. Its so painful to live everyday. I feel like I don’t want to live any more, I want to die but I can’t cuz of 2 reasons. 1. I’m the only son of my parents. 2. If I die like this, then I won’t be able to come out from the birth cycle. That’s it 🙏🏼

Was thinking about our lives. Ever since you are in school, you have something to look forward to. When you’re in 1st grade, you know next year it’s 2nd grade and so on till you finish your undergrad. Suddenly, you could be everything or nothing at the same time. Those who are good at this game of eternal growth end up grinding their lives away in the PCM -> Engg -> B-School -> Consulting hell loop. Weirdly, the determinism in growth fades away suddenly and you see people finally pursuing diverse fields. Then, the realisation kicks in. You’ve been conditioned to chase eternal growth. That is what brings meaning to you in every part of your life. Today has to be better than your yesterday, or else it feels like you’ve failed. I wonder how sustainable that is but till then we will continue to throw our youth away. My 2 cents: You have a brief moment in history. Don’t spend your 10 years of prime in doing things that don’t bring you any joy. Don’t make the same mistakes all of us make chasing joys because others are chasing them. Find your own meaning to this eternal growth.

Pursuit of happiness via acquisition of material wealth or The stairs to nowhere. Travelling through these suburban areas of karnataka has made me realise that once a person acquires adequate means to beat absolute poverty, and consistently keep his head above the surface, his distress is only a function of the depth of his relative poverty. However, as we acquire greater wealth and move to higher stratum of the society we get in touch with wealth that was previously unimaginable, and the depth of relative poverty is renewed, resulting in further aggravation. The accomplishment of man becomes the cause of his distress, for the pursuit of wealth for happiness is a folly. Money can at best buy freedom (and for some unfortunate ones, deprive them of it). Happiness comes from within, and not via the bugatti you ride in. Pursuit of wealth is a worthwhile goal, but pursuing happiness via wealth as I have learned to my detriment is simply, a staircase to nowhere.

Drop the one small thing that made you feel good today. Often we look for “happiness” while we rush through life like there will be time later to pause and enjoy. Little moments should be cherished and enjoyed - makes the day to day more meaningful. Mine: 1. 5 small red roses and 3 white roses in the balcony. Waking up to that felt good and makes me smile today. 2. 5 minutes in the balcony and the morning sun. therapeutic!

We evolved to live in small tribes and now live outside of our natural habitat, in an advanced civilization. One effect of this mismatch is that there are a bunch of things that feel dangerous to us that aren't actually dangerous, leading us to be way too risk averse. Like: - Asking someone out on a date - Trying something new even though you'll suck at it at first - Quitting your job to start a company or try a career in the arts - Putting your real voice out there on controversial topics For primates living in a small tribe, rejection, embarrassment, failure, and criticism posed actual material dangers. These things are not dangerous today, but our software hasn't been updated. So we miss out on living our best life, hiding in the 1-4 zone of the danger scale. In a world of overly risk averse people, the epiphany that the 4-7 zone is actually a safe place to play is a superpower.

One life, a million dreams

The past year has been the best! I'm engaged to my long-term partner, making the first person I loved, my last. I'm working in my dream company and dream role I've finally moved out and have a healthy distance from my controlling family I wish I could say all of the above but you know what they say "You plan. God laughs' My life has become a joke. After years and years of nurturing my relationship and working on myself, I've achieved nothing personally or professionally. Being an overthinker, I'd detail everything from plan 'A' to plan 'Z' to ensure my dreams come true. I had an extraordinarily amazing relationship but when it came down to marriage he didn't have time to even think about it. I have a brilliant resume filled with distinction grades, extracurriculars, and leadership roles, and yet I couldn't score an interview let alone be shortlisted for any role I wanted. With no choice, I'm stuck in a job that I absolutely hate and have no interest in! And finally, after 26 years of living with my family and growing up to be a responsible adult and doing everything and more, they ask me, they still think the worst of me, call me names, hardly acknowledge my presence, and make me feel guilty for barely living my life. I'm honestly so emotionally drained and feel like my whole life has been a struggle, hoping for things to get better someday. But all I feel is stuck. Everyone around me is moving on with their lives - getting married, moving to a new city/country, getting roles in dream companies and I'm nowhere close to anything I want. Being a practical and logical person I would usually not take advice from random strangers on the internet but I'm keeping an open mind and I'd love to hear your thoughts on my depressing life! 💔 People below 25 yrs don't bother commenting, unless you want to start a crowd fund for my therapy. P.S. The last para is a joke. Don't come at me about it in the comment section. I do need therapy though, but can't afford it. Not from an experienced psychologist at least.

I’ll start first: “The greats never sacrifice the important for the urgent. They handle the immediate problem and still make sure to secure the future.”

Life has become so dry and meaningless nowadays. Struggle connects us on some level. I’d love to hear your stories of struggle and how you overcame it. Here’s my story. I studied B.E for 7 years because of backlogs. Every year was a new batch, no friends. Extreme depression, humiliation everywhere. Isolated myself from an extremely judgmental society. Confidence had no meaning in my life. Somehow struggled and cleared all the backlogs. Studied programming and web design. Started working for free. After 1 year, first salary was 2k per month. Then 18k. Then 30k. I always felt dumb because of the backlogs. Want to rectify it. So went to the US with the only admit I got. Studied my ass off. GPA 3.95. But I was broke again. Cried my eyes out multiple times because I had no money for food. Couldn’t tell this to parents. Found a job later after many many applications. Happiest moment of achievement was when I bought my first 43 inch LED TV. With my own money. Current pay: over 2L / mo.