Any DINK couples in their 40s? How do you really feel?
Dual Income and No Kids sounds very attractive but advice from people in their late 20s and 30s is probably too biased to be considered sound advice.
Wanted to understand how couples who took that decision in their 30s feel today.
Do you regret it? Do you feel purposeless? Do you feel lonely? Do you feel the FOMO?
And so on.
Great question. I am eagerly awaiting answers.
I am still in my 20s and cannot comprehend DINK couples.
Of course they are free to do whatever they want. But I personally don’t want to die before having the privilege to raise a child.
Raising a kid or kids is such a noble thing to do. How can people link finance with children? I agree with the whole inflation and expensive education but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have kids. Learn about personal finance. Learn to earn more it thats what makes it easier.
What’s the point of life if you just live for yourself? Don’t know what culture influences this DINK and all other crazy acronyms.
@MattGray So true. Liberalism has messed with everyone's brain.
Degenerate behavior leads to mental health issues Mental health issues lead to finding instant gratification Instant gratification leads to poorness Poorness leads to more degenerate behavior like DINK
And the vicious satanic cycle goes on and on and on
Why is every degenerate thing in today’s society linked with liberalism? 🥹
I am a 37 year old female and my husband is 40. We were unable to have kids through normal ways and chose to not go for continued IVf after the first one didn’t work. We found IVF to be too draining emotionally, physically and also financially to a certain extent (although that was not a major extent) . We were also ready to take that decision to be a DINK because we felt that we loved each other and found our life fulfilling with each other, family and work. Having a child would have been great but I personally agonised over this decision for many years in my early 30s because we have been told that if you don’t have kids ‘you will regret it later when it’s too late 😅😅’ happy to report years later that we don’t regret not having kids at all - and we don’t think we will feel differently many years later too.
I don’t want to compare but I love the freedom we have, the time available to us and yes if you are choosing to be a DINK find something that you can help nurture. Could be your startup, your work, an activity or hobby but most of us have a nurturing gene in us - need not be fulfilled only by having kids
Beautiful perspective! What do you guys do to satiate the nurturing aspect ?
Not a couple, and definitely not a DINK yet.
But I admire all those who chose to be a DINK consciously.
Nothing more important than being financially well-off and have ample peace of mind.
@Gems_Bond Don't you think this type of thinking is a bit selfish? I mean our entire bloodline fought hard for us. They worked hard for us. Thousands of generations of humans reproducing has led to our birth.
True dude to a great extent but today human population is massive by all measures.
And few people consciously opting to lead a better life instead of producing won't really take human population southwards.
We were a DINK for a very long time and then had a baby. So far we have never regretted a single day after having the baby. It has been a pleasure to see him grow into a young adult. Now he has left home and we cherish his accomplishments Our financial situation did not change much after the kid, but we matured a lot as persons by raising him.
Controversial answer alert.
I met my husband right after college, and have been together since. He's always had a dream with kids in the house, although his thinking was later in life. I was sure that we'll deal with fertility problems and either remain a DINK or just adopt. I leaned towards adoption right from my childhood, but my spouse and my parents (not discussed with his) were not so supportive.
My thoughts were more like, go through so much tension to have a kid, do 10-12 scans, fear for the baby's health and your health.. Everything for what? Bring in a child in our country where the rat race is already crazy? Their generation will also have to compete with AI replacements. You constantly worry about their safety.. If it's a girl child, then it's worse. The country is still pretty dirty. Infra is still sad. I don't see the point of going through so much effort.
On the other hand with an adoption, you'll always know that you have given the child a better life than he/she was about to have. The child is already in the world And has no one to love, care, and treat them for. The child doesn't have to come from your womb. You can love it unconditionally nevertheless. So yeah, I'd say if couples are open to the idea of adoption, take your time, be a DINK. You can always adopt ❣️
Thank you. This is a beautiful answer. Not controversial at all :)
Personal take- I am in my early 30s and have 3yo daughter.. I have few friends and relatives who didn’t choose to have baby (or could not because medical reasons) but now regret for that decision. Main reason I found is their loneliness and monotonous life. The reason people gave early is that bringing up child is expensive or don’t want to bring kid in this fucked up world is total bullshit. They just don’t want to take responsibility in that phase (which is perfectly fine if it’s their choice).
But now they spend lacs just for IVF or any other fertility treatment which could have funded their kids education till 12th at least. Just like we want grow in our career, take next role, and feel fulfilled in every phase of it, raising a kid is almost similar. It’s like it’s ok if you want to stay in same role, but it will get monotonous for sure.
This is just my take, others might feel different.. all I can say is raising kid feels so fulfilling
Bad parenting is more prevalent than good parenting.
Let's people take their own choices. It is worse to have a child who has to go through child hood trauma.
That's because people like to blame everything on others. There is no perfect parenting and I think as long as parents are making sure their child can reach young adulthood safely, there are things that the child has to work themselves as well. This has created useless pressure on people aspiring to be parents who are supposed to conform to the BE media shows (send kids to schools with horse riding facility, set them up with Harvard MBA by money even if their kid is a poor student, pay for costly dancing classes which yield nothing but a useless tiktoker).
Expect parents to be perfect, government to be perfect and society to be perfect and keep finding flaws in them to hide one's own shortcomings and materialism is a new type of entitlement which only evolved in 2000s and beyond.
Absolutely correct @Demon
I think there is definitely some Darwinian element to this. People who are too lazy to improve themselves and be good parents end up playing victim by blaming the whole world. The next generation is better off without their genes anyways.
As a DINK, you will find it difficult to relate to your friends who do move on to the next phase in life and become parents.
Their kids will rightly be their top priority and they won’t be able to spend as much time or money with you hanging out. Budgets will be tighter for them because they need to pay for those expensive schools, or they’ll head home early because the kid needs to sleep. Even when they do hang out, they will prefer other families because childcare is easier that way.
Also as others have pointed out, as parents your friends will grow up a lot. They will likely become more mature; they have to, they have a family depending on them now.
Your good friends will still be in touch with you, but it won’t be the same as before. It’ll start with a few peers, but in a few years you’ll find almost everyone has a kid and you might feel left behind then.