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Guilt to spend on myself

Even after working, switching, working hard all these years The only thing I have no problem when it comes to money is sending it to parents or to my younger brother who is pursuing education Be it even a 10 rupees ice cream, guilt takes over I am at 6 YOE, earn enough by grapevine standards I still live in a PG 6k per month 4 beds in a room I had a dream of having an independent setup and a flat with monitors, a good keyboard and mouse. Tried, but couldn't get myself buying one. Gym, food is provided by the company, cab services came recently until then I had bought an old bicycle for commute. I do love to explore, I take my cycle and explore around the town talking with different people. The only other parties I have is when company organizes one.I seriously don't know why I am like this. Wahi purane kapde hai mere pass,abhi tak mast kaam chal rha. And yeah I try to win and participate in companies hackathons to get new clothes. I look ugly and don't get enough matches/attraction from the other gender. (6ft not enough muscular). All my friends are married at this point making around 40 to 50 lpa on an avg. Arrange mai bhi scope nhi, parents said no one is agreeing. Earlier I used to brainstorm with them a lot, but now I respect them whenever they take out even half an hour for me. I really don't know where I am going wrong. Pehle to din bhar kaam, gym, diet, padhai mai chala jata tha, now it feels a lot lonely.

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by PunyBlame

Rakuten

Making 78L at 32, but I feel like an imposter. Is this normal? (Self-reflection + seeking advice)

I think I'm losing my mind. I'm a 32-year-old guy in tech, graduated from IIIT Delhi, earning 78L annually, but I feel like I'm fooling everyone, including myself. It's as if I'm constantly waiting for someone to burst into the office and shout, "Hey, fraud! We've finally figured out you're actually useless!" I know it sounds like I'm humble-bragging, but trust me, I'm not. This feeling is eating me alive. Seven years ago, I started as a regular software engineer. Somehow, I kept getting promoted. Now I'm leading a team of 15 people, handling critical projects, and sitting in meetings with the higher-ups. But every time I'm in those meetings, I feel like a kid wearing his dad's oversized suit, pretending to be an adult. I work my ass off - late nights, weekends, you name it. But I always feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water. When my team comes to me with problems, I'm secretly panicking, thinking, "Why are you asking me? I'm as clueless as you!" The worst part? Everyone around me seems to think I'm some kind of wunderkind. My boss is always praising me in front of others. My team looks up to me. Even my parents are bragging about me to all our relatives. But inside, I'm constantly terrified that I'll make one tiny mistake and everyone will realize I'm a fraud. I see my college batchmates on LinkedIn, and they all seem so confident and successful. Meanwhile, I'm here, earning more than I ever thought I would, but feeling like I don't deserve any of it. I can't even enjoy my success. I bought a nice house last year, but instead of feeling proud, I keep thinking, "What if they fire me tomorrow? How will I pay for this?" It's like I'm waiting for everything to come crashing down. I know it's ridiculous to complain about a high-paying job when so many people are struggling. But this constant fear of being "found out" is driving me insane. I can't even talk to my friends about it because they'll probably think I'm just showing off. Has anyone else felt like this? How do you deal with feeling like a fraud when everyone thinks you're successful? Is this just part of adult life that no one talks about? This is what eats me alive during weekends, realised it's Friday and panic typed this here