Guilt of staying away from ageing parents
It's for the people who stay away from their parents for work.
How do you deal with this guilt of leaving your parents behind when they need you the most? Also, if you have done something regarding this, please mention.
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Have a 24 hour caretaker for them...try to automate their tasks, payments on your mobile.
Whenever you go home, just don't stay at home and build relationships with old friends, relatives and local folks. Seek them for any emergency and in return help them and their family such as financially, children's employment etc. in whatever capacity you can.
No guilt, they are happy in hometown and don’t like to visit me.
I’m happy here because I know they won’t accept my lifestyle or me.
So it’s fine, as long as we all are happy
Or maybe this is just what you tell yourself as you shirk your responsibility to be with your ageing parents. But hey, whatever floats your boat.
Lol🤣 well they asked to leave but people may not be part of each other lives and still care.
I still do everything to make their life comfortable but thats it, the only thing I can do is, spend money.
But not all parents love their children and one has to live with it. The sooner the better.
This is a real thing man I am increasingly realizing its really not needed Everyone just copies each other, but to be honest, it should be a unique decision to us
Some of us have parents who have always supported us, add to our life, and I do want to spend more time. I’m actively trying to optimize for being colocated as I build ahead in my career.
Let me tell you a story. Its a long one but lesson for most of the folks:
Its during vaccination time around may 2021. I went for my first dose with my wife. There was a long queue. Most of the elderly people were already done with their 1st dose during that time.
A old age uncle was sitting beside me. I just casually asked "uncle why you didn't took the vaccine when govt specifically open the window for elderly people first"??
He told due to some personal reason he couldn't come. Then after 2 mins he asked me "beta where do you work"?
I told him I am working in a MNC/soft eng/doing wfh.
After listening to this he started speaking. Believe me I didn't utter a single word while he was speaking.
"Beta i have 2 sons. Both are having same age as of yours. 1 is in Germany and another one is Mumbai. None of them is ready to get married. We asked them to get married so that we can atleast see our sons family getting expanded. I know both of them are staying in livin relationship. We don't have any issue with that also. But atleast get married"
Then he continued:"my wife got heart attack in the month of April this year . That why I couldn't take the vaccine at that time. I have high bp ,high diabetes. I have struggling to get her a bed in cardiology department in Delhi. Some we got the bed and my wife got treated.
Now she at bed rest. It was very difficult to manage everything as i am old. We have a made for everything. She was hired to cook 3 meals. But she cooks only once or twice. We can't complain as we rely on her.
I have asked my son that we can move with them.But they declined."
And then he started crying
"Both of them are saying we will send you money.but it's not the money that we want!!"
And his vaccine turn came and he said good bye to me.
I moved back from US to India just for this reason. I was questioned, criticized and ridiculed by my colleagues and friends for doing that. It's been 6 years since I came back to India. My wife and I are doing everything we could to take care of our old aged parents. Many times, we pondered over what we lost... the US life and irresistible dollar income. We continue to hear the stories of our friends buying home in US, getting citizenship and so on.
Only thing that kept us going is the self satisfaction of being there for our parents when they needed the most.
I am glad that you listened to your heart than to your surroundings
Same except I did not leave lol. For me covid was boon bringing wfh(touchwood).
There are ways to approach this. If your parents are open minded and not v dependent on you for their daily tasks, then most of their needs can be optimised. If they are in a condition that you need to be there for them physically then work and life needs to be adjusted. Perhaps asking them stay in same apartment complex helps a lot!
They aren't dependent physically yet, but the current rate of ageing will make them dependent in some months.
If you can, go back to them.
Covid made me come back and now I don't want to relocate. There's no point earning lacs when you can't be there for your people
We at home, just chat about everything and anything. I have come to realise our parents are much cooler than we knew them during school time
Covid actually was a great reset to this race.
My father unexpectedly passed away within months of me moving to a European country for my Master's. Even though my mom was also working at the time, she was due to retire in the same year.
I decided that I will come back after my master's even though I knew job search was going to be difficult in India due to the nature of my degree. I did move back and I apart from a few moments haven't regretted my decision one bit.
My mother' health also deteriorated just few months before covid and luckily covid led to wfh and I could be with her during the time. It was a very difficult one year after which her health improved. I am also thankful to the universe that I could be with her during the terrible second covid wave (we weren't affected).
I consider myself extremely lucky with the kind of love, support and encouragement that has been provided by my parents throughout my life. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't bring myself to let my sexagenarian mother take care of herself and depend on a cook/maid/driver for her with day to day chores.
It doesn't always mean that I will have to compromise with my career. Now, that I am moving to a different city for a better job, I plan to take her with me once I get settled.
Take care of your parents folks! You will not find anyone who will root for you and love you the way your parents do!