How to help parents?
My Father is a businessman, he worked hard throughout his life & luckily all of us (siblings) did good in their life. Everyone is on their own now.. Sisters are married & well I am outside trying to be something.. and my parents are at Home..
My Father is still doing his business but it's not running too well. I try to explain them that there's nothing to get stressed.. you know, just earn enough, have fun, travel, maybe go to temples, take it slowly. Luckily we have enough funds to survive & even live a good life. But somehow he's in pressure always. He hates the idea of being retired (which is pretty much understandable) He's like - why I need to retire.. this is not my age to retire. He's 58.
And I'm fine. I have nothing against him & his work. Do it. That's fine. But don't take stress. That's not good for his health. I'm actually scared about this.
Also both of them are alone at home. And I'm usually tense about them. How they must be feeling. The loneliness. Boredom. What if they get sick. What if something happens. Etc etc. I don't feel good, when I see how they worked hard all their life & now when it's the time.. no one is nearby..
I can definitely ask my parents to shift with myself, but my own life is pretty much volatile rn. I wanna stable in a year or two.. then maybe we can.. but for now I'm not sure.
So I'm asking here, What can I suggest my parents to do? What businesses they can try? How can I keep their life fun, exciting, engaging? How can I comfort them to not take stress about work.. and take a bit rest in their life?
Any help is appreciated. Thanks.
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I am a bit ultra sensitive about parents related things, so I would like to spend sometime and share my 2 cents on this.
Very first thing, stop asking your parents to retire. Because dealing with a major life change like retirement can take a toll on their physical and mental health, weakening immune system and negatively impacting life.
Also asking parents to relocate at your workplace city is not recommended, they built up their social circle where they spent their whole life, and nothing can beat even your 5cr luxury apartment. They may visit and stay with you for a month or so. Take their consent if they like they can stay with you, but DO NOT insist. They might say yes against their will.
What can I suggest my parents to do?
Give outside support even if it's in loss or not making much profit. See if they need a bit financial investment to ease their business. Sacrificing a bit here worth the happiness of your parents. Caution : Avoid "Why" on losses. When on holidays spend sometime with them on their business and partner there.
What businesses they can try?
Have seen parents not changing their business at this age, check if the change of business is required then support them. Seek their suggestion if they are planning to expand.
How can I keep their life fun, exciting, engaging?
Visiting them often is the best you can do. Take them somewhere on vacation. Bring them at your place and talk about your accomplishment.
How can I comfort them to not take stress about work… and take a bit rest in their life?
We often forget "Don't worry" is not remote controlled function. Always understand the stress reason first and try helping them there.
Have huge respect for people who care about their parents. So virtual 🫂.
This is 💎
Thanks for a detailed answer.
-Stop Asking to retire. I never asked them. When I say him to not take stress, he feels it's not his age to retire. But I understand your concerns and that's why I do want something to keep them busy.
-Relocation
That's their preference. I heard you, will not insist, at all.
-Suggestions to parents
Can you explain/rephrase? Give outside support?
-Business
I don't think they wanna change/adapt. Nor looking for expansion as it usually require more man power & energy.
-Fun, exciting
Thankss I often forgot visiting them could be a good option too & selfishly sometimes only thinks about how I feel with them, not how they might feel.
Vacation is good - Can you suggest some places?
🫂🫂
Again thanks for a detailed response & I appreciate the time you took. Reading my own posts right now feels like rant in some paras.. Still thanks for being generous🫂
With limited experiences but i was in similar situation and after returning back noticed some peace on their faces.
- If possible try remote opportunities, which possibly would require 10 to 50% travel depending upon your comfort or domain,
- Seeing you grow in front of their eyes is the best thing for any parent, keep that vibe even if you are not doing so well,
- Own the responsibility to take care of bills of necessities your parents,
- Gifts not that costly but what they desire would make them feel you care and is joyful,
- Let them continue their business as usual but try to add a helper and technologically aid can be added depending upon nature of business to ease their work,
Hope this post will add meaningful value.
- Got it. At the same point I feel like moving out from Home.
- ❤️
- Yess yess🫂 4 Thanks, I have ignored this I guess. Will definitely check out.
- Yeah. And I feel bad when I can't help him much, sometimes because of my busy schedule, sometimes because I forgot. And I feel terrible about it.
Yess your comment was meaningful ❤️🫂
Occasionally visit them. Do FD on their name, that pays out interest quarterly, they will little less tense.
I wills till be waiting for opinions from others.
Thanks @Dekisugi
Fortunately (touchwood) we are lucky enough to have enough funds to survive, we do have FDs, investment, own house & pretty much everything (ofc there's no limit to wishes). Still will try to understand where this stress comes from.
And will definitely try to visit them once in a month or so.
Thanks for your response.
One point, parents are adults. And they will eventually find ways to cope with retirement. Retirement isn't end. It's a transition to different way of life. My own dad remains busy in retirement everyday since last 7 years. You are overthinking. What would help is constant conversation with your parents.
How much r u earning and giving to parents