[Ignoreable] Rant about life so far
I have always been amazed by looking at people super successful and early achievers with all the materialistic things in life within their 20s/early 30s.
From people earning 3 lakhs/mo at the age of 25 to people getting selected in IPL at the age of 13 for crores...things have been extremely different within the last 4-5 years and it never ceases to astonish me.
I somehow have always stayed in the back and never could catch the train to any of these great things. Not sure where I lacked or what did I do wrong since career started. Now at age 28, I am still as confused as I was during my engineering. Developer to product manager to startup enthusiast to suddenly looking for chill govt jobs...my mind's race around condition and confusion never seems to end. I definitely want to be very big and achieve huge things in life but the path, the mindset, the vision are missing. Also my mood and boredom kills it more...where I get bored easily of things.
This year so far has been the worst on the top of that. Being forced to relocate to blr in the middle of family emergency health crisis, to finally coming back to home again within 7 days from relocation, then losing dad within next 7 days, handling everything afterwards, arranging and doing all the rituals, managing work in between, staying put with the incident, handling mom, relatives, resigning from the job to get time for myself and do the pending family stuff, starting to fight legal cases regarding house, everyday visiting court and coming out super angry, running daily to banks and etc for name/ownership changing formalities, looking for jobs out of FoMo, losing 10 kgs within 2 months, losing sleep, sanity, becoming restless to finally getting a job, relocating to Mumbai and starting to hate it within 1 month, despising Mumbai and already thinking of quiting without any option at hand on the 2nd month of joining...I seem to have lost total control of life and things around me.
I am not aware anymore what I should do or whatever I am doing is right or wrong...I am running on autopilot and starting to not care about whether this company fires me or not.
All these burning issues at home, family, my career, confusion about career, extremely big aspirations, grief of loss, goal to be the provider of everything to mom and the urge to be really successful with all the luxuries and materialistic things of life to show mom and the challenges...it doesn't look like there is an end. And all these are becoming too much to take on/handle.
For my entire life, I have never had accepted defeat or shown vulnerability. I don't like admitting or accepting when I am having a hard time, rather try to soak it all in and come out of it to feel the sense of achievement, glory, strength, heroism (in my own eyes). But this time, not anymore. Why am I admitting it this time?
- Identity is not revealed, 2. If I don't vent out, I'll probably faint and collapse in anxiety attack, 3. I am not feeling like doing anything despite shitload of pending work, so why not document this somewhere and also see what people think after reading it
Best, Nobody important
Tough guy, I wouldnt have survive half of this
Thanks, you are kind. I wouldn't want you to go through any of these.
You are going through something very overwhelming. If your financials are sorted, take a break. Cliche advice but try to meditate a bit for your mental peace.
Mate- this advice is true. meditation is hard. Its really really hard to keep your mind in control
Not necessarily meditation, but start doing something that positively impacts your life. Be it eating satvik food mindfully, or hitting the gym, or running. Try to fill the parts of your life you have control on with positive things that can help you get out of this mental rot.
Do whatever works for you positively, and even replace them with something even better if you feel so as time progresses. You've been a strong person, and remember that "This too shall pass." May the force be with you!
I had been in a similar stage, have taken a year long career break, didn't thought about the length of the break when I had resigned. I had lost the will to live, lost interest in everything. Was undergoing therapy, It helped a lot, had burn out, severe depression, extreme anxiety so much that I couldn't even go out. Was chained by my mind, my room become my prison, mental one. Due to anxiety couldn't even go to gym, the only place which brought me happiness. Just wanted my mind to stop for a few seconds. Meditation really helped and exploring the deeper questions of life made me realise a lot of things. Have made a lot of lifestyle changes lately, that really helped.
I would suggest to start therapy it will help in processing a lot of things and handling emotions, past issues which will help gain clarity in setting new course. I have been reading a lot lately which really helped me. Some books that I can recommend
- Grit
- Mindset
- The gifts of imperfection
- Radical acceptance
- Maybe you should talk to someone
- When breath becomes air
- Man's search for meaning
- Meditation
Every single line you say, feels like it is describing my current story!
This is extremely accurate and directly helpful! Thinking of the break actively but stepping back worrying about challenges of getting back again into the workforce.
Will need to do lifestyle changes for myself too. And therapy...hmm. Maybe it's time to give it a shot.
Thank you! This is very insightful!
Join Iscon and do radhe radhe 🙏 Your all confusion has one solution
What if he's not a follower. We do need to a dislike button.
Appreciate the suggestions! I am not an atheist, I believe in god. But I think only devoting time for that might not solve this, until I get the fundamentals sorted first. There are pending self works and god will also only help when the person puts in effort for himself. I am trying to cultivate that willpower and vigor to get interested in fixing myself
🫂
🥂
ये वक्त भी गुजर जाएगा
🥂
All those people earning 3L/month or having all the material pleasures will not have the mental strength that you possess. This will make you strong inside out and will take you long distances. Sort things out one by one and know that you CAN and WILL sort em all out
This is underrated
Felt like someone pressed the reboot and restart fresh buttons together! Thank you! 💪
Go see a doctor of psychiatry and try counselling with psychological professional. Need to find your root cause first and then act on it how to untangle the mess. Most of the people are not happier these days if not to the extreme level like you. Cheers brother don't give.
Thanks for the suggestion bro! Parking it for now, will try to sort things on own first, maybe a bit of an attempt. If still doesn't help, then this one is the way. Cheers 🥂
Also remember, you have and are going through a lot dude, you need to be proud of yourself for being this brave. With so much things to handle,ofcourse your Brian will be tired,we are only human after all. Everyone's journey is different and this too shall pass. Just dont sit at home/office,you need to go out change a few things for your state of mind to change.
Where is the will to go out or do things...lost the liking for things only