I have always been amazed by looking at people super successful and early achievers with all the materialistic things in life within their 20s/early 30s.
From people earning 3 lakhs/mo at the age of 25 to people getting selected in IPL at the age of 13 for crores...things have been extremely different within the last 4-5 years and it never ceases to astonish me.
I somehow have always stayed in the back and never could catch the train to any of these great things. Not sure where I lacked or what did I do wrong since career started. Now at age 28, I am still as confused as I was during my engineering. Developer to product manager to startup enthusiast to suddenly looking for chill govt jobs...my mind's race around condition and confusion never seems to end. I definitely want to be very big and achieve huge things in life but the path, the mindset, the vision are missing. Also my mood and boredom kills it more...where I get bored easily of things.
This year so far has been the worst on the top of that. Being forced to relocate to blr in the middle of family emergency health crisis, to finally coming back to home again within 7 days from relocation, then losing dad within next 7 days, handling everything afterwards, arranging and doing all the rituals, managing work in between, staying put with the incident, handling mom, relatives, resigning from the job to get time for myself and do the pending family stuff, starting to fight legal cases regarding house, everyday visiting court and coming out super angry, running daily to banks and etc for name/ownership changing formalities, looking for jobs out of FoMo, losing 10 kgs within 2 months, losing sleep, sanity, becoming restless to finally getting a job, relocating to Mumbai and starting to hate it within 1 month, despising Mumbai and already thinking of quiting without any option at hand on the 2nd month of joining...I seem to have lost total control of life and things around me.
I am not aware anymore what I should do or whatever I am doing is right or wrong...I am running on autopilot and starting to not care about whether this company fires me or not.
All these burning issues at home, family, my career, confusion about career, extremely big aspirations, grief of loss, goal to be the provider of everything to mom and the urge to be really successful with all the luxuries and materialistic things of life to show mom and the challenges...it doesn't look like there is an end. And all these are becoming too much to take on/handle.
For my entire life, I have never had accepted defeat or shown vulnerability. I don't like admitting or accepting when I am having a hard time, rather try to soak it all in and come out of it to feel the sense of achievement, glory, strength, heroism (in my own eyes). But this time, not anymore. Why am I admitting it this time?
Best, Nobody important
Tough guy, I wouldnt have survive half of this
You are going through something very overwhelming. If your financials are sorted, take a break. Cliche advice but try to meditate a bit for your mental peace.
Mate- this advice is true. meditation is hard. Its really really hard to keep your mind in control
Not necessarily meditation, but start doing something that positively impacts your life. Be it eating satvik food mindfully, or hitting the gym, or running. Try to fill the parts of your life you have control on with positive things that can help you get out of this mental rot.
Do whatever works for you positively, and even replace them with something even better if you feel so as time progresses. You've been a strong person, and remember that "This too shall pass." May the force be with you!
You should start youtube livestreaming and talk about these things only. A lot of people will relate and will eventually build a whole new career for you.
Great advice
Hey, that was a smart idea!
I had been in a similar stage, have taken a year long career break, didn't thought about the length of the break when I had resigned. I had lost the will to live, lost interest in everything. Was undergoing therapy, It helped a lot, had burn out, severe depression, extreme anxiety so much that I couldn't even go out. Was chained by my mind, my room become my prison, mental one. Due to anxiety couldn't even go to gym, the only place which brought me happiness. Just wanted my mind to stop for a few seconds. Meditation really helped and exploring the deeper questions of life made me realise a lot of things. Have made a lot of lifestyle changes lately, that really helped.
I would suggest to start therapy it will help in processing a lot of things and handling emotions, past issues which will help gain clarity in setting new course. I have been reading a lot lately which really helped me. Some books that I can recommend
Join Iscon and do radhe radhe 🙏 Your all confusion has one solution
What if he's not a follower. We do need to a dislike button.
Big post rant !!!
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