Seeking advice from married individuals who have/ want children
I’m 26 right now. Should I start looking for partners now or wait till around 30 once I’m financially stronger. Currently 22lpa - Mumbai
Find a suitable partner and marry ASAP
Bro @boredcoder can you elaborate a bit more 😅
Once you start looking for partner it might take a time, you might find each other on first day or after couple of years, anything is possible.
So if you feel you are ready for marriage then start hunting.
If you don't do anything stupid financial position will be fine.
If your partner works then you will be able to grow financially better also.
@Jack3d If you think you are financially stable(This might vary from city to city) with sufficient backup.Then, I think you should get married.
Remember,that once you get married you are not the first priority anymore it is expected that you have to full fill your wife's wish be it materialistic or anything else.
It's a bonus if you get someone who makes you their first priority(Those girls are rare).
Most of the girls(who are younger) available in the market are immature since ,and it will take for them to adjust.
And yeah guys don't marry mature women who are older than them.
The bottom line is don't marry someone who treats you like an ATM machine.And kick you down with words when you are in the struggling phase in future.
Thanks @Welt_yang ! Reasonable advice ⬆️ yeah, the risk for getting tied to diggers will always be there! Any advice that can help me find the right person? Also how are we defining financial backup here? Plus any advice on top your mind will really help a lot 🙏🏼
Hey I am 26 too,work as ml engineer.Make little more than half of your salary as in-hand. But I live in tier - 2 city ( working remotely).
I am targeting to have 7-8 Lakhs in liquid fund + health insurance for my parents (This money is only used in case of health insurance). Medical bills are a little lower in the city I am living in compared to metro cities .
I am planning to have at least 1.5 years of runway.(Since I spend around 20 thousand rs [ration + rent]) so I need to have an additional 2.5 Lakhs.
This to me is a financially stable amount in the current city I am living in.
Make sure your partner understands your mindset. If I want to get married I would let her know all these(of course I won't disclose the number).
I was concerned about landing a bad girl too,hence asked advice from grapevine member who was undergoing painful divorce.
Here are his points :
Weather it’s an arranged marriage setup or love marriage spend some time before committing atleast 3-4 months, this will give you ample opportunity to check the compatibility
Have self respect and boundaries check if she is respecting you more than love. Love will come and go if she is not respecting you then pretty soon the marriage becomes toxic
Stay far faaaaar away from fake feminists. Also check if she is playing victim card to get her way or being a girl card for not being nice , it’s a huge red flag .
Check if the mother is overpowering the father in any and everyway like the father has no voice in the girls family,,, please stay away from these people else the girl’s mother will be very interfering in the marriage . Have seen this pattern in many places
And definitely no for the Ones who call themselves as dad’s little princess.. these girls are mostly narcissists and don’t care about you
Stop bending over butt to make her happy in the beginning itself. Check if she is also making equal efforts to make you heard and efforts to make you also happy.
It's the ideal age. Don't delay it more now. I got married at 30 and I think I've wasted my twenties on things that didn't really matter.
@inr Can you tell on which things you have spent your 20s that didn't matter ?
Out of curiosity, are you able to still do the things you enjoy at 30? Context: I love working out, going on run, trekking and also going to raves. My potential partner might not be into those things. I don’t wanna delay marriage but also don’t wanna let go of my hobbies because my other half won’t like it
Marrying now or later doesn't have to do anything with your finances. Yes I agree that there will be lots of ups n downs with the finances marrying now but if your partner is also contributing towards it anyone can be happy 😀. Additionally every year salary also will increase n you can plan better.
I would suggest taking another year to think over the marriage n kids. 26 is early to judge in terms of planning for marriage or kids. Jyada load abhi mat le be, kids will happen perfectly!
Thanks bhai. It’s just I’ve heard that people become rigid in their own ways as they age so finding someone will de difficult in late 20s and beyond. Love marriage looks difficult now so will have to look for arranged
🤣 nothing like that, even when we were kids we were picky about many things. Now unless anyone staying alone definitely will become rigid about things, how they want to keep the house, whom n when they want to meet, what they want to do over weekends etc. You need to communicate n meet new people this will help to balance in your professional n personal life. Start traveling alone in solo a lot!
Start getting ready . IMO getting married or a long term companion is good around 26. You can spend some great time travelling together, explore the life together before u start thinking of kids. By the time kids chapter gets started, u both need to have sufficient memories that give energy and fulfillment for next 10 years of raising kids part of life.
Understood! Thanks @VolTa_musk so I guess 29-30 should be good to start thinking of the first one?
That would be a good time considering u dont feel the societal pressure of crossing 30 without kid and kid would be adult by the time u r 50 + and start having some good time with ur kid then and u have energy then.
Marry within next two years and plan a baby till 30 years of age so I can enjoy baby childhood while you are young. Marrying late without any reason is not ideal .. no match is perfect. You have to value the relationship than it becomes perfect.
Thanks @Ankitsharma appreciate it. Do share some more wisdom and advice if you can :)
28 to get married n 30 to have kids. By the time you retire kid will be employed.
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