Restrictions on Daughter/Girls
I was out with a friend, she was telling me how her parents have messed up her life and try to interfere in all aspects of her life. Her bachelors was in her home city, so anytime she wanted to go out other than college hours, there was proper question answer rounds. Where, who, when, what time you will return home and her father used to pick and drop her. To avoid conflict she restricted going out. After bachelors they didn't allow her to pursue masters out of India. Then when she convinced them to allow an MBA in another state, there were constant calls and video calls just to make sure she was in her room. But that stay away from home developed her a lot, I can see that. She is more mature now and confident. Now she lives in a metro city, is financially independent but still has to update any plans to her parents otherwise they make sure to make a ton of calls to her and her roommate. She can't be outside home after 9 9:30. She has a vc from home around that time. Infact she got a call when we were out. I understand parents want to protect her but at what cost. I asked her to set some boundaries and to push back, but she answered its no use and would only lead to more restrictions.
My point is first, is it so hard to push back parents who are so controlling and ask for some space, second now that she is financially independent, there wouldn't be any consequences right, worse comes to worse a break of communication
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You can’t understand their parents fear and protection.. That’s how the society has in India.. please don’t misunderstand their parents don’t pollute her mind. I
This is what you call good parenting. People in GV, who are now parents, learn from them.
People who say understand it from parents POV are grossly justifying abuse and gaslighting. Obviously nobody accepts that they are unreasonable or bad. I have seen parents appreciating or doing it themselves, what they restrict for their children.
Yeah I was about to say the same. Being protective comes with being a parent, but what was described is literally choking any ounce of freedom away. Just shows that not only do they not trust her close friends, they don’t trust her first and foremost. It’s a difficult line to balance but this sure isn’t it.
In cases like the post mentioned the intent is to protect virginity and/or keep the girl aside for arranged marriage.
Ikr… Iface similar situations but I do get where the parents are coming from as well… Ek point ke baad kitna Sunna hai voh khud decide karna padta hai
Haa wahi, parents pura control krnege toh banda life jiyega kab
Yes, it is hard. I have seen that with my friends as well. The more you push back, the more parents start to doubt there's something going on that's not "sanskari" and then the question answer just becomes more like interrogation and trust issues. This is why, most women try to get out of the house, city, state, country. But, the parents still try to control their lives as much as they can.
Is it fair? No! Can we do something about it? Really depends on the parents and how much open minded they are to give their children the lives they wanna live and how much they don't give a damn about society.
Are the parents entirely at fault? No, they have grown in such a backward society where they are conditioned to patriarchy and men above women and men controlling rights of women. They have also seen how less women actually do get supported if something goes wrong with them and how most men go Scot free. So, sometimes, they do this thinking they are protecting their child.
Can the child do something about this?
- Learn to live with it
- Find a compromise with the parent(win-win)
- Go against their wishes and dominate the narrative ( the hardest thing to do, would be against parents, society)
Learn to live with it. Thats the biggest problem. My post was exactly to understand how people live with it. Because when I put me in her place, I couldn't imagine what would I do
Okay, So now people started thinking that, once you're financially independent you can take most of your decisions on your own. Good keep doing it... There is a difference between being financially independent and mentally mature. A mature person could be financially weak, and a millionaire could be mentally immature. I know parents keep alot of restrictions nowadays on daughters and every girl says why not teach their sons? We can't teach snakes that don't bite, we will teach our friends that don't go to snake or stay away from them. But yes, everyone wants freedom, take it... And enjoy, after 20 years you will understand and same cycle continues generation to generation
So you feel that whats happening with the gal is right?
Oh god. Why can't these people see it and still want to confine women in the name of safety. It's like putting a beautiful bird in a small cage. Yes there are predators outside, bigger eagles which will kill the bird and hurt it so badly but having wings and not flying hurts more deeper then ever. Before you imagine, they get older and they will realize why was I on cage all my lifetime for an eagle that may never would have come and realize all those birds of the same age freely spent their life in peace and experienced all of it and she lost her life in the name of safety. It's like locking yourself in house all day thinking a Tsunami might hit you.
I have seen a similar situation albeit with a boy. His parents used to constantly call him and he started ignoring their calls after a point. Now they would call me, a flatmate and ask me to get him to talk to them. This was when he was financially independent and living in a metro city. Not a pleasant experience at all. And I believe the situation for girls would be even worse than this.
Surprising this happens with boys too
I have heard much worse stories than this. This is nothing compared to that. I have seen girl who were not allowed to pursue college degree, not allowed to go to work outside. Basically she cannot travel anywhere on her own without any guardian appointed by her parents. Even much worse, they are marriage first minded. Girls married before they hit 20 or 22. Basically a born maid and slave. What's even more crazy is? Most of these girls, they don't even know they are being kept ignorant. They live their life thinking this is how a girl should live.
I know one of the girl, well manner, good behavior. She's good educated , earning well. But she doesn't want to work in any company above 15km radius. She always take her Mom's decision where to work or not. Even she wants to meet to anyone she always come along with her mom.
What should I say ? She insecure about her life decision or her mother is insecure about her...
Everyone has different perception about their life.
But that's her choice right