I am 27 and my parents are now starting to look for someone in the caste. However, due to financial issues, they are not actively looking right now. Me and my boyfriend are clear that we wanna marry each other. His parents also know about me and keeps inviting me in their important events. They give a lot of importance to me. Here, in my family, nobody knows about him or about or the fact that i am dating anyone. But they are not clearly talking to me about marriage stuff. They are looking for someone in caste but not discussing anything with me and so far didnt bring any rishta. The guy and his family is really nice so i sometimes feel like how i need to just tell everyone that he does this/that for me. But right now reluctant to tell my family about him because what if they are not ready to marry me yet and then they bring up caste and other issues , they try to do extreme research since it would still be early for them. So they may show a lot of tantrums in accepting them. So i am thinking that let them see the market, get disappointed a bit and then i introduce. I have not told about this to any cousin either. I sometimes think of bringing these people on my side but then i am afraid of not getting into any trouble.
Well, I am in similar situation and I will advice to wait for sometime and let them explore till then push your boyfriend to become better version to impress your parents (even if he is very good still in future it will be good for you only that he improving more and more). Parents in India mostly look for caste + salary/ qualifications + family background. If any one factor isn't working then increase the other 2 more to outshine the rest
Yeah right now we are trying to improve such things.
Never understand these scenarios. Fully grown adults need mommy and daddy's approval and are terrified of doing anything otherwise, like a well trained dog. What kind of relationship is that where you're conditioned to be under control even for life changing decisions? You yield to being taken for granted now and the next thing is that soon there's twice as many of them telling you where to put your life savings, and even sooner when to use your private parts. Fix that yesterday.
What are they gonna do - whoop yo ass?
I would suggest to express to any of your parents to whom you are bit friendly and to your brother or sister, who are elder to you, as you are 27, so you would have at least 2-3 years time to convince your parents and get married to your guy. Also your parents would enough time to know your boyfriend, as well as they would get time to plan and digest things through passage of time and eventually they would understand.
Important things to note while disclosing
Be strong and stay to your decision. Prepare your self to face the unexpected behaviour from your parents They may try to throw out your cellphone or may restrict yourself to step away from your home. Discuss with your boyfriend that you are going to talk to your parents and their expected behaviour and post discussion consequences and a shorter period of distance in case things don’t go in right direction. The most important thing in this scenario would be to trust each other and stay strong and love each other even though you both are not connected for few time.
Don’t expect that thing will go right in just few says or months- as you might’ve taken years to judge your future partner before thinking of him as life partner and he must have gone through many tests, so give equal time to your parents. Take care of your parents when they are disturbed and are in need. don’t react if they don’t agree, respect their decisions and ask them to take time and reconsider.
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