How to Forgive OneSelf?

I am 28 M. I was born in a poor family and to make matters worse my father was diagnosed with a terminal illness when I was still in college. As if watching my father dying was not enough I came to know that my mother was having an affair with my father's friend. I never caught them but I saw their whatsapp messages. My father eventually succumbed to his illness leaving the family responsibilities on my shoulders. I never got to enjoy college. My first paycheck was spent on the medical bills and subsequent paychecks were spent on clearing my brother's education loan, paying back relatives (we borrowed some money for my father's treatment) and just taking care of my family. I want to get married but honestly I don't have any money for it now and I don't want to take a loan. I never had any relationship. It could never become a priority. And it's not about just sex. It's something deeper. Maybe intimacy, maybe human touch, maybe something else. I don't know. I tried hard to focus on my work and hobbies but It merely proved to be a temporary escape. I don't even know why I am narrating all this to a bunch of strangers but then again aren't we all in the same boat at the end?

It can be anything related to not doing something you always wanted to but never did, a mistake you realize you shouldn’t have made, or feelings of not being successful enough. Feel free to share your thoughts.

I am in early 30ts F, Family wants caste marriage, but most of the PPL from the community is not okay with my independent thinking and growth mindset. Each conversation goes back to me being married to a family where I will need to go few years back in my life to adjust with the thought process. Am I being unreasonable? This is getting too much to handle, so many conflicts with my family, today it was upto the extreme that I felt like I am being burden too them and they will be better without. Never before ever I had this feeling of leaving the world with this ease. I want companionship in my life, but caste apparantly is really important for my parents. They agree that it is rare to find someone with the morden thinking in the caste due to the traditional norms and not many ppl getting oppertunity to come out and explore other parts of the country. I am really afraid of being trapped in the system is I marry in the caste. I don't know how to navigate this. These days whatever my family things whatever I say and talk is against them. These chaos is becoming too much for me to handle too.

I'm a 25 y/o F. Met my schoolmate through Instagram. For 6 months we were dating. I clearly mentioned him that if we are getting involved physically then we should define our relationship as a long term one. I trusted this guy and went ahead in getting physically involved multiple times. The chemistry was so good and irresistible for both of us. He was giving me signals like saying “now I'm taken I guess “ “ i’m not a person who leaves someone just like that “ “ i’ll take care and not leave “ and all on top of this he was planning a trip with me. And in the starting of this relationship his ex girlfriend who got married called me and threatened me and she in fact bitched about me to this guy. He promised me that he will end things with her and she will not bother me. Ah for god’s sake I feel like a dumb ass for trusting this guy... Two days back he sent me a group pic where he and his married ex girlfriend was smiling. I asked him why would you send this pic at least you could have cropped your part and would have shared. He agreed that sending that pic was his mistake. Later I called him and playfully asked him to delete all his ex pictures because he had cried to me in the past that she had manipulated him hence out of care I asked him to stay away from the memories of her. That's were he got triggered and said me to stay out of his “personal things” he tells me how his 6 year relationship with her transformed him and he would like to revisit those memories it seems… honestly I felt like hitting hard rock at this point and I started to cry to my friend telling that I have been cheated. I then took time and called this guy and said hey I'll be there for you if you want to communicate about this. I'm interested in having a future with you. For which this guy breaks the ice telling me he doesn't have even little feelings about me or any love for me. Then I asked if you wanted to have a casual relationship you could have upfrontly said. At least I would have not had any expectations. Two days had gone still feeling hurt. And processing shit. To all women out there never trust words of men. Period. It might trigger some men her, but it is always a man!!!

Everyone uses a version of you That fits their interest Still acceptable 178 cm Brown skin Always left out Gym Personality development sab try Kia Khud k career development k liye roj ragda Khud k health k care Kari Par breaking aa gya hai I eat alone in the office POSH k dar se females se dur rehta hoon Drawing Flute, in sabhi k clubs join kiye I was well versed in them when I was a kid To find someone Par no girls in sight, even if they were I was not even an option. But still I cannot come close to the ones who were gifted I am invisible to girls Kuch khaas jine k tamana nhi hai mere Par Ek din k liye Ek Sundar dikhne wala insaan Banna chahta hoon Jise dosta gender romantically attractive Lage Kya koi hai idhar jinke halat mere jaise ho

To the people who lost a parent young( I'm 24), how are you coping the loss? I lost my dad 2 months back. It was sudden. I'm still in shock. Many of our peers don't understand the feeling we are going through. How did you find your support system?

I met my girlfriend during college, 5 years ago. We were so much in love. I remember we used to go on dates to picnics, museums and the works. I spent and invested a lot of money and time in this relationship. I feel that my life is purposeless now that she has left me. Her father is a very high ranking government official. He has gotten marriage proposals from very well endowed political connections. Apparently some ex-CM's son is out in the marriage market looking. I don't know why but I still thought we would make it. Like, nothing can come between us. She texted me last night that she was leaving me because I only make 14LPA. My hands are still trembling. I want to go be the best version of myself and simultaneously think that the train tracks are looking comfy to sleep on.