Convince my cousin against destroying their future

I have a cousin who is the sole child of her parents. Our families have been very close to each other and we are like siblings. However, from the last 4 years, she has been in and out of her relationship with the same guy. He cheated on her in the past and still she plans to marry him and waits for him cos evidently he is preparing for upsc (never qualified prelims, and is on his last attempt). Even though I don't consider interfering in her personal matters, she has not been focussing on her own career prospects. Also her parents are now senior citizens and they want her to get settled and they were also willing to meet the guy if he had any source of income. They are highly anxious and hence our families got involved. I tried reasoning with her that she should focus on advancing her career more (her annual income is < 5L) and think about the repercussions of marrying late (both are in early 30s). Her parents have been open minded about the type of partner she wants but it feels like she has been brainwashed to an extent that she tries to belittle her own parents if they try to reason with her. I want to know that as an elder sibling and as part of the family if I can do anything else to avoid any worst possible outcomes which might be bad for her future.

PinkHedge

PWC

2 months ago

Well u cant save one from oneself. If she does not listen to her parents and considering the fact she is in 30s (ppl become more rigid with age), then train is long gone. But u can give a try explaining her.

Da_fooq

Microsoft

2 months ago

Yeah tried that. I don't want to push her into anything in any direction but want to understand the thought process behind this. Why would someone not focus on their well being even if you don't give a shit for anything else in the world.

Welt

Remote

2 months ago

She is already in her 30s,If what you said above is true.Then she is mentally a teenager. Sometimes, it's best to mind our own business. I had shitty cousins and friends too.If you try to solve their problems,You will end up in their shit. Good luck.

Medley

Software engineer

2 months ago

As others said you can't save others, they have to save themselves. But what you can do is give her that nudge towards saving herself. From what you said, I can deduce that she is not going to listen to anyone if they oppose the idea of her marrying that guy. What may work here is reverse psychology. You can tell her that everyone is ready for you to marry that guy, but marriage is a long commitment. Tell her that you want her to have a happy life with her partner, but marriage also can't sustain just from words, love and potential. Marriage sustains from the reality of the people. Ask her to think a few years in future with the guy, can she imagine her happiness? Are they doing well financially in that future? Also, the problem here with her rigid stance of marrying the guy might be that she doesn't have high self-worth. You need to tell her that if someone can cheat on her once, they can do it twice too. She doesn't have to settle for this.