Are most Software Engineers boring outside work?
Context: I am a software engineer with 4 years of experience. Everytime I work with a bunch of engineers (Especially Indian Startups). Most of them are workaholics. They are just working for some company full-time. They are interested in learning more about technology, making jokes about technology, following technology news, etc. That is it. No social life. (Especially after Covid). No skills in any other part of life. Their comfort zone is so small that they have developed a lifestyle of working, sleeping & watching something on laptops and that's it. They make an excellent salary but don't do anything else. Every time I meet a 35-40-year-old software engineer, it is just a physically unfit guy with an arranged marriage who is boring as a brick.
I am in my late 20s and I feel attacked. Thank you for striking the right chord
I've come to realize that, like many software engineers, I've found myself navigating the monotony of an 8-hour job, often feeling isolated from my office peers. It can be challenging when people hesitate to open up, but the reasons for this became clear.
There are two key aspects at play: a minimal social life and prioritizing work. These factors are interconnected. In late 20s, the circle of friends tends to shrink, and individuals are busy setting up their own lives, leading to growing distances. With limited time for each other, it's easy to become engrossed in work life. I didn't anticipate that making friends would become a challenge, and I acknowledge this as a personal objective (read OKR) for myself. Despite being an extrovert, reinitiating the trust and friendship path can be difficult.
To address this, I've proactively connected with people, stepped out of my comfort zone, and initiated new activities. It's a challenging process, and sometimes it feels like I'm overdoing it, but the effort is rewarding. Engaging in activities beyond my job role, such as joining a gym or participating in public discussions, has been beneficial. I've also reduced my time on social media, realizing that platforms like Instagram reels consume a significant portion of my time.
I'd like to urge understanding for people in their late thirties. Having once criticized the habits of those in their late twenties when I was in my early twenties, I now comprehend the challenges of their situation. Unexpectedly, I find joy in shopping for groceries and organizing them neatly. It's all about priorities, and embracing change has made a significant positive impact in my life.
All fair points.
It is also about taking the career slow. People always have the feeling that they are getting paid less than others, They never choose to see a career as something you have to do for 20-30 years.
I have seen people who make 20-30 lac a year and still never take a break to learn something new. Or just explore things in life. It is all about making a huge fortune as quickly as possible.
But eventually, they end up being overweight toad with some gold coins.
They want to change their life but do not want to take a break from careers or take a pay cut and work on mental health, social life, etc.
I deeply appreciate the bunch that acknowledges these and takes really important actions.
But the majority of the community is a group of people whose identity is close to nothing outside their work,
If you are not thinking about money, you are wrong. If you are only thinking about money, you are way too much wrong.
There’s no end of comparison and there’s no end to greed or earning. Whatever we earn, is always less. Learnt one liner about getting paid, “More than what I need. less than what I want” is the answer.
I hope we as a community realise the importance of other aspects of life than the work life. I wish you get to encounter more vibrant personalities, if not, we’ll meet and Atleast you’ll have one! 😛
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But it is a sad journey to work with people who are just worried about their salary and nothing else. So sad a bunch to learn anything from.
I always felt software engineer communities would be more vibrant.
Guess I was very wrong.
A lot of folks get into ~~software~~ engineering because of the money.
Given how difficult it is to get a CS/IT stream in engineering colleges in India, a lot of folks who do end up here sacrificed their hobbies early on to beat the rat race.
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samosa
Stealth
9 months ago
what do you mean outside work, we are boring at work as well
DarkParser
Stealth
9 months ago
Oh my god you read my mind. This is exactly what I’ve been wondering ever since I got into tech. I’ve been working for 2.5 years now and every person I meet fits this description.
I’ve had an extremely eventful college experience and now it feels like I’m in a place that’s dead opposite.
You are wrong. Software Engineers are absolutely fcki*ng awesome.
I partially agree but I personally make technology jokes only with my colleagues. You probably met all the software engineers through work. I am also assuming you aren’t close friends with all of them and you know what they tell you.
I do the same things you mentioned. But other than that, i play games, go out with friends. They probably won’t tell that unless you ask them, some don’t even want to share their personal life to colleagues, so they’ll tell you things just to make you quiet.
SiriusMcGuffin
Stealth
9 months ago
Don’t you think you have a generalised and negative take towards people based purely on profession?
I am SWE for 8 years and around the 3 year mark I felt the same. I tried socialising and partying and that made me realise that it’s just not for me.
I read novels, play video games, make plastic models and read about obscure stuff. I derive satisfaction and happiness from it. My hobbies are definitely not mainstream or happening. People have called me boring. But I have never complained about being bored, so you tell me.
I agree. I have generalized a lot of things here. Also, I have done a lot of emotional reasoning.
But. I am not saying that all the things I am saying are true. I am just angry that a lot of software engineers are making a lot of money & have the freedom to do many things. But they stick to this follow money & never leave your job thing.
And, mainly I am angry because these people make fun of anyone who is trying something different.
I have taken multiple breaks in my career & every time I join a new company, my reasoning for exploring things is ridiculed.
Every single time, I see some bunch of kids who have worked all their 20s and now they kind of hate anyone who is doing different things.
When this is the majority of any community, I think people would feel angry when the herd mentality is imposed & celebrated to an extent.
For a lot of those who are in Tech, particularly in India, the core priority is to uprise their families from generational poverty or from bad financial planning of parents or to achieve a certain mobility in the financial status. Most of these boys from small towns or suburban towns, really don't want a lot. In fact, they have grown up to be men who are reliving the life of their parents selflessly without attaching an identity to their personality.
For most of them, the simple pleasure of having to see their child or wife or parents happy would mean more than them trying to overlook their belly and feel sad.
Let alone, if these people were able to afford an affluent life in their early 20s they would have most likely tried to go abroad.
But they were struggling and toiled hard to reach this spot in life.
But there are people who are also people who are living absolutely rad life.
I try to not generalise, but I know from my friend circle from across many states, the average suburban boy now in a more senior role is someone who doesn't have a lot of things going on in life. They are mostly torn in between two three lives, the very high pressure job in a city, balancing children and wife in the same city and then travelling every 2nd or 3rd month to thier small town.
Very Valid points.
I am just angry that when your managers and teammates are mostly doing this, It feels lonely to be different.
Boring is a relative term. As long as you're happy, nothing else matters.
Bumpy_Stock
Stealth
9 months ago
Genuine question: If SWEs are boring, who do you find interesting? .
I meet a lot of people in finance, media, doctors, etc. I feel they relatively have lesser pay but a better social life, interests, and good routine, and generally less prone to anxiety and depression & social isolation.
I feel a lot of software engineers are college kids who stuck to only their work because of the quick hikes in the early part of their careers.
Just see how many software engineers are stuck at home after COVID and have no place where they work with like-minded people.
Bumpy_Stock
Stealth
9 months ago
SWE are peak adarsh balak crowd who are churned out of college to work as mind labourers on laptops most time. Very little human interaction. Other professions like doctors, or sales or finance. Their job requires them to understand and convince people everyday. That's why you would feel, they are more interesting to talk to.
Vegetabledev22
Stealth
9 months ago
I would literally die if i have to make tech jokes with colleagues. Lmaoooo
It is true that they are vastly stuck in this cycle but it is because it is easy to eat sleep code , it takes courage and dedication to eat healthy, go to gym , go on dates, make friends, find outside adventures.
Personally i hate workaholics because no company is worth it. I would rather develop multiple skills besides coding no matter how much i am paid like stock market, trekking, playing a musical instrument at parties to make sure tomorrow i can fall back on anyone of these if something goes wrong.
Its your life, you enslave for some shitty company or you enjoy it with others and spend time with someone who is worth it. Watching series on laptop doesn’t count as one.
monkeman
Student
9 months ago
I thought i was the only one with a similar mentality in this profession 🥲
MaddDogg
Stealth
9 months ago
Most of them are nerds, since it requires you to do a good amount of research before building something(not saying other fields don't require). And naturally people are boring as hell, and are just interested in one thing, the stuff that they already do.
I had a few colleagues who used to work Sundays, even after a six day work week. They even had the audacity to fix a bug/issue in the team offsite, when it was out of a module that was rarely used and literally which made the company peanuts in return.
Guess what they liked to discuss in the lunch? Tech, fuckin chrome updates, and bullshit frameworks. Some of the non-tech people were like that too, since it was a small company. Idiots would make everything a hustle and hardwork. But the funny part is, it never translated in the company's revenue increase.
The tech people would come in at 9AM and leave at 8PM, making others stay too. Which included a daily scrum call that extended for 45 minutes at least. In the name of team bonding, the founders promoted this crap. Out of 40 people in the company, none of them worked out, no sports etc. The only people who had some interests were the sales people.
igotyou
Student
9 months ago
So is this how life goes for software engineers? It is so sad and I don't want to end up like this
Btw, as anyone who has read the Wikipedia entry on bricks already knows, they are a fascinating subject! 😜🥲
OverdueTrim
Stealth
9 months ago
You are surrounded by useless people. I’m a Carnatic violinist who has performed in multiple kutcheris, I am appearing for the Japanese N5 exam shortly in addition to being a Carnatic vocalist
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