FloatingPancake
FloatingPancake

A subconcious insecurity

My overall education started a bit late than normal people due to my fathers transfers and school admission rules. Consequently when I applied for JEE Advanced back in 2017 i was 19.5 years old. I got it but wasnt satisfied so dropped a year and got a better rank. I was 20.5 years old when I finally joined IIT. Somewhere subconciously throughout my college life i felt that I did achieve what I wanted to but really late. I know theres nothing I could do about it but this was something still killing me inside. Most of my batchmates where 18 year olds and even the ones who dropped where at most 19.

I always wanted to pursue my masters and phd but somewhere at the back of my mind I feel I would have to go theough the same feelings again. It just kills me so much inside.

Currently I have completed 2 years as a software engineer and I am 26 years old. On one part my mind tells me that I am made for much more than just an IT job and should go to academia. On the other hand it feels like I am too old for it.

I dont know what to do. I am not able to rationalize my thoughts. I am not able to understand how can I bring myself to overcome my fears and achieve what i really want in life.

6mo ago21K views
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