Don't need to think about kids if your life isn't sorted

Generalist

If you are under this much stress, do not bring a child into this world. Children are long term responsibilities, if you can't provide them with the stability, safe and nurturing environment that they require to grow, then you are going to do a disservice to them. Don't care about the societal pressure. If you can't handle something, it is better left alone. 
  
 If you still want to have kids, try to take care of a kid of your known person, and take care of them for a week, 24x7, or at least for a whole day. See if you are able to manage this happily along with all other daily tasks that you have, and then make your choice whether you want to have kid(s) or not.

Software Engineer

Product Designer

I am struggling in my career, in my post 30s too, stuck in jobs switch and upskillig race of jobs, no one to support you ( apart from the partner)I worry sometimes in this all messy life, what the ...

Welcome to Indian Startups's Private Community

I am struggling in my career, in my post 30s too, stuck in jobs switch and upskillig race of jobs, no one to support you ( apart from the partner)I worry sometimes in this all messy life, what the hell I am going to do. If I am planning or having kids. ? Life is impossible sometimes, as we both  are under constant jobs pressure.

Are kids really that needed?

Software Developer

Are kids really that needed?- Grapevine

I am almost 31 now. Usually in our families, by this time, married couple is having a kid at least. 
We don’t want to have kid only because i work in startups. Last 2-3 years were tough from job security point of view and I don’t want to get into a situation when I don’t have job to support the family and kid or I need to change locations frequently because of jobs.
Is this common for more folks? 
Thoughts?

PS - I have emergency fund of 6-8 months.

Delaying the parenthood!

Minority view... If given a choice, would you want to be born in your house... You are working, means no generational wealth to rely on. You yourself feel your job is not conducive to raise children. Your emergency fund is just 6-8 months (sorry to sound rude but that's not much, and will burn through with kid expenses). There must be more things that you have not shared with us. At the end of it if doesn't sound great, why would you want to bring another person into existence and force them to lead a life which is middle class, mediocre, already over populated society...

Investor

Sales Manager

- Let’s create a safe space
- Mention *minimal* information such as you age, gender, etc to add context about you
- Trolls be empathetic and think before you comment to someone.

What are you innermost thoughts and emotions you don’t share with family and friends as they wouldn’t understand?

Finance and personal : 
DINK, but planning. No major savings or investments. Will be only a few lacs (10-15 lacs) before the baby is here. Wife will be off the job for a couple of years. 
Will be living pay-check to pay-check on my income, with a family to support. 


Struggling with health. Gained 20 kgs in 3 years. 
Putting efforts to undo this, but struggling. 

Professional: 
8 yoe+ in Product management. 
Current employer not aligned with long term personal goals ( post 5 years type goals - tier 2 settle in, remote etc ) 
No increment since quite a while…company is growing but slowly. 

Mentally: 
Nothing is making sense. In the larger scheme of things, nothing really matters.
Inertia is there to change job. No motivation to work at all. What will I even do after a job change ?
There is no excitement of the same. 
No excitement of starting up myself either. 
Something doesnt feel right. 

I used to be the powerhouse of energy and motivation, a while back. 
Now I’m just the opposite. Is it fatigue speaking ?

Feeling unmotivated at 32 already, in various aspects of live. Framework to solve it ?

Product Manager

howdy!!


Folks I need your inputs please. I am a single parent to two kids and have a full time job which is basically the only financial source and now WFH is ending and my problem is:

1. With the role n responsibilities i am fully booked for office work and not able to take care of the kids or house like i want to

2. Even if i hire someone like nanny i still thinking of their safety and activities they r doing bcoz i want to engage them is teaching or making them learn spend time with them as they grow be there for them ( bcoz i know how lonely it is to have working parents) so i don’t want them left with nanny bcoz i believe money can be made again but their childhood will not return 

3. Even if i get a WFH role, my time, energy and thinking capabilities will be taken up by the job only again leaving me less energetic, time to care for my kids

4 Everyone is against me leaving the job bcoz that’s the only financial source I have but i want to shift my stream maybe join as a school admin or start a food business that i can handle without much of mental stress but the pay will be way less

So I am looking for something which gives me the time and mental peace to spend and raise my kids with a decent money to meet the needs. 

What can i do???  please tell me any other way out or a guaranteed income source along with being with my kids

Your thoughts plz

Welcome to Office Gossip's Private Community

Imagine this : You are in your 30s

You have your own home fully furnished, nothing too fancy but big enough to give a separate room for each family member

You have a family car.. Not a luxury one, just a normal mid sized SUV

U have no loans, no emi, no obligations

You don't make a crazy amount but have some job security making early 6 figures a month.. 

Question : Are you happy? 
What else would you buy, what else would you aim for?
What are the other necessities.. We all know there's no limit to wanting more.. If u don't want to upgrade to luxury version of stuff u have what else do u need in life?

POV: You unlocked middle class 🔒

Team Lead

Welcome to Personal Finance's Private Community

DINKs, (dual income no kids) have been gaining traction a lot lately. I want to know from the members of gravevine, what are their views on being a DINK couple or a DINKWAD( double income no kids with a dog). From financial prospects like having a huge disposable income to emotional aspects like not having a legacy or going against custom Indian tradition. Do share your thoughts 🤔💭

What are your thoughts about being DINKS?

We are a DINK couple (live-in, will get married soon) and absolutely no plans to have kids. Maybe be a DINKWAD someday by adopting an indie. Also no plans to buy a home or spend on our marriage. This is not a financial decision (both of us are doing decently well in our careers) but we don't want to have a child knowing how nothing around is improving and we don't want to sacrifice the best years of our lives by doing this. We are building a large corpus to be financially independent and travel without any financial restrictions.

Growth Manager

Welcome to Software Engineers's Private Community

Is it just me or is even a job at the best Tech companies just don’t make any sense for women? 

There are always women who have great family support or husbands that are understanding and encouraging. But generally why does it seem like becoming a senior woman in tech even at the best places is sort of unattractive and significantly increases your odds of “failure” outside of work e.g. divorce,having kids late? 

Interested for thoughts from both men and women.

27F Engineer: Software Engineering Not Worth It For Women?

Hmm, someone I know has more than 10+ patents(ex-broadcom), is a tech evangelist and an implementation advisor for a cloud tech, have 3 kids with fourth on the way. Sometimes you just need a supportive environment.

I used to be a creative guy in my mid 20s. I learned to play a guitar, could sketch pretty well and also used to work out pretty regularly.
Lift has changed drastically in the last 2 years and I now find myself no time to spend on my hobbies. I tuned 30 recently and have been under slight shock that my responsibilities are bound to increase due to family and work.
I had no responsibility till now and had lived a care free life.
Now that I am engaged, I've realized that I need to dedicate my time for my family, my well being, my upskilling and also some to to evaluate my finances. This has also made me realize that I won't have enough time for my hobbies/interests. I badly want to learn to play an electric guitar and the fact that I won't have much time terrifies me as I need to make a choice of doing something that I love (learn to play a guitar) or doing something that helps me to live a life and pay off my bills which basically is my full time job.
I might have a child in another 4-5 years and the responsibility of having a child terrifies me even more. 
I don't want to make a choice between being there for my child and being there for my work.
I'm not sure if I'm over thinking or just being realistic but not having enough time for yourself due to work and family has been bothering me lately. 
I'm 30 and the fact that responsibilities are bound to increase in my life terrifies me.
Is this a common and a normal feeling or is this unnatural?

Folks who are working in your 30s, do you still find time to work on your hobbies? If yes, how are you able to manage your family life, work life, upskilling, working out and making time for your hobbies?

Is it analysis paralysis?

I have always dreamt of playing an electric guitar on stage. I started to learn guitar in late 2020 and it's been 1.5 years since I stopped playing it do to multiple reasons like bad time management, upskilling for switching, work etc.

I always wanted to work in companies not directed towards IT such as Mercedes Benz, Philips, Samsung,  Siemens, Ather etc and work in areas where UI/UX design overlaps with physical product design. Physical product design is my first love and will continue to be so as that field still fascinates me. Not everyone is privileged enough to pursue their passions and might have to work in certain areas where they are partially interested and pay is good coz, hey! We gotta pay bills.

I wanted to learn multiple languages and was learning German a couple of years ago. Again, due to the reasons listed above, I had to drop out. I want to travel abroad for work, work in multi cultural teams etc.

I always wanted to run marathons and reach the top of Nandi Hills (a hill on the outskirts of Bangalore) by cycling because I was once a obese kid and wanted to prove myself wrong. Now, I have to loose 13 kilos and I'm on working on it. But I sometimes wonder if I can do these things as I had so much to work on.

I was pretty good in sketching. In fact, I was pretty good once upon a time in my design school. Now, I barely sketch. I don't want to loose that part of me who use to sketch day and night. I want to have an Instagram page with all the digital illustrations I wanted to make.

We live in times where one has to consistently switch jobs, upskill everyday, spend time with family and friends (not that I don't want to, but I also love my personal time), take care of aging parents, take care of kids, take care of household, travel to work, get enough sleep for 6-7 hours a day- basically be an adult.

I sometimes wonder if life is nothing but a graveyard of dreams. I understand that one can't do everything in life and sacrifice is inevitable in life.

Folks who are 30 y/o and above, do you still have dreams or are following your dreams while responsibilities pile up in life?

What's a piece of advice you're glad you ignored?

Bad life advice that you ignored

1. Respect your teacher. 
 2.Elders are always right. 
 3.Indian culture is best.  
 4.Western culture is worst.

Welcome to Business Roles's Private Community

Goin through a mid-career crisis atm.
Overall exp 18 yrs in a mnc bank drawing close to 60 laks CTC. But the growth is stymied and don’t hv visibility of what’s the Development path and how can I get there. Mulling to take a break and prioritise but have some leverage to manage and kids savings.

Wife is working atm but draws significantly lower than me so will have lifestyle challenges if I quit. 

Open to hear suggestions from folks if you’ve had similar experiences and how you managed it?

Mid-career crisis!

Senior Program Manager

I've never really liked babies until I crossed 30. Now, the annoying brats suddenly look cute and endearing. Never even thought about having kids before, but now I am (even though I can't afford to).

Seeing this in others too who are close to 30s. My insta DMs used to be filled with random memes, now I'm getting cutesy baby content from friends and acquaintances near their 30s. 

Women I met from dating apps want to desperately get married, even got 2 proposals out of nowhere.

Peer pressure and fomo is getting out of hand. Never thought I'd experience this tbh. Very weird time.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Hormonal changes near/post 30s is very real 😶‍🌫️

Dating has become the norm for relationships today, but many don't realize that it's a relatively recent development, prevalent in Western society for only about a century, and it's already causing societal issues.

Previously, Indian arranged marriages were standard (different from forced marriages). Families would arrange meetings between their daughters and another family's sons. If they liked each other, they would soon plan the wedding, marry, have sex, and start families.

Today, individuals are left to find their own partners. If you don't find someone in high school, university, or work, your chances of finding a partner diminish. There's also less incentive for marriage, as sex no longer requires marriage or even dating, leading to more people pursuing sex directly. This has created a skewed dynamic where fewer men pursue women due to competition, turning to porn instead, while women face exploitation by men who have abundant choices.

Ultimately, near 28-30 both genders rush to the arranged marriage system to get them a partner while having their feet dipped on dating apps.

In the US,
This has lead to decreased marriage rates and, consequently, lower birth rates since most births occur within marriages. A decline in families results in a decreased population, putting more pressure on younger generations to support an aging population. Western nations, therefore, rely heavily on immigration, causing additional challenges. Increased single motherhood also correlates with higher crime rates, drug use, loneliness, mental health issues, and suicides

P.S. I'm young and dating too. Just thoughts for a conversation on what the implications of dating for us as a society could be.

Dating has failed Americans, now it will fail Indians too

Your description of arranged marriages is incorrect. You are given the option that if they liked each other get got married - which was not the case in the last generation. Often times the meetings was just formality, and my own mother met father on the day of their engagement. So nope, they didn’t have the choice to see if they liked each other, their parents made that decision for them. 
  
 Now take that into today’s scenario, how many people in this generation will willingly marry someone their parents has chosen, without any say in it? None. Doesn’t matter what their income is. You yourself are dating.. why? You can ask your parents to find someone for you, if you believe their judgment. The issue is that we don’t, and people avoid admitting that cos they don’t wanna be seen as someone who disagrees with their parents. 
  
 People are free to do what they like, arrange, love, dating, single, unmarried, adoption with marriage. Literally their choice. Nothing is ruining anything, in fact the recent situation in our country, where there are no laws upheld for rich, unemployed where 40% IITians aren’t placed, religious division - are more of a concern than a person’s personal choice. My 2 cents 🙌🏻

Senior Designer

To be very honest I feel very frustrated looking at the situation right now. Companies are laying off without worrying about the employees. It's just corporate profits everywhere.

I am scared to death that my career won't last long than 20 years because the moment these folks think you are becoming a financial burden on them, they'll lay you off.

I don't want to live my life in a constant war mode. The Indian education system has bruised my personality for a long time. I want to relax but looking at this battlefield I can never.

My weekends are spent worrying about planning for finances in case I get laid off. I am worried I won't be able to buy a house.

This shit is depressing me very much. Other folks please tell me how are you navigating this mess?

Soulless Corporations

Mandatory : keep on up skilling 
 Optional :  go outside India or move to operational roles(as it doesn't need creativity bone)  
  
 In your 30's you shouldn't explore stuff, stick with one domain(example : digital marketer) be the SME. In 40s you'll have 10+ years experience of a domain, and you're part of that domains evolution  
  
 No one wil have the know how you gained in 10 years

Are kids really that needed?

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