Delaying the parenthood!
I am almost 31 now. Usually in our families, by this time, married couple is having a kid at least. We don’t want to have kid only because i work in startups. Last 2-3 years were tough from job security point of view and I don’t want to get into a situation when I don’t have job to support the family and kid or I need to change locations frequently because of jobs. Is this common for more folks? Thoughts? PS - I have emergency fund of 6-8 months.
Minority view... If given a choice, would you want to be born in your house... You are working, means no generational wealth to rely on. You yourself feel your job is not conducive to raise children. Your emergency fund is just 6-8 months (sorry to sound rude but that's not much, and will burn through with kid expenses). There must be more things that you have not shared with us. At the end of it if doesn't sound great, why would you want to bring another person into existence and force them to lead a life which is middle class, mediocre, already over populated society...
BiryaniEnthu
Stealth
a year ago
If everyone in India thought that way, our population gets controlled within a generation.
This is gold!
avarava
Stealth
a year ago
Terrible advice. You are assuming that OP's current situation is a strong predictor of his future situation. In the future, things could be anywhere between excellent and disastrous with or without the kids. The same applies to you. You could become destitute tomorrow. Would you commit suicide to forestall that possibility?
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Gus
Stealth
a year ago
Your wife's age matters more than yours. Older she gets, lesser the chances of pregnancy and equally higher chances of complications.
Btw, if you have a kid by 35, forget retirement ever because you will be 58 when he just graduates.
My only input here is - Don’t define your life basis macro factors, all these things are cyclical. You won’t be able to push the kid back if there’s recession in 2035.
With sufficient financial covers, move on with life processes.
JamieTarttDoDoDo
Stealth
a year ago
Great advice this.
avarava
Stealth
a year ago
I had my first son when I was 34 and second when I was 36. Wife's the same age as me. We got married when we were 26 so we waited 8 years to have our first child. We are both from a third tier city so you can expect the level of overt and covert societal pressure. However, we decided to have kids when we were mentally ready (financially you will always feel that you are not ready) and it has been great so far. One important thing to note is that pregnancy can get complicated as age progresses but since your wife is 28 you guys can easily take a couple of years to decide.
Divorce your job from personal life. Financials can change either ways. Your biology changes only one way as you age. Unfavourably.
AliveYouth71
Stealth
a year ago
What is your wife's age ?
AliveYouth71
Stealth
a year ago
Then u have lot of tine
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UpbeatBelt62
Stealth
a year ago
Bhai chill hai. Dont have kids because of pressure. People have kids into their 40s also now. Most of the women in my extended family had their kids when they were 35+, bandho ko kya hi load
Bakwasmaal
Stealth
a year ago
There is no job today that guarantees job security. There are always constraints in life and it’s how you manage these constraints that defines the heights you reach. Think of it this way, if you were to die tomorrow would not having kids be on top of your regret list today?
CrazyWild37
Stealth
a year ago
If you had a steady job, would you have children? Because of the warm fuzzy feeling of having children? It's real I know but it's gonna write off at least 15 years of your and your wife's life, yet the warm fuzzy feeling is real. If that feeling is what you really want, do it. Get a higher paying job and do it. i personally didn't know the extent of it but knew it would take a lot of tears and sweat, still I wanted that warm feeling of a child (two!). I took that plunge and I had no steady income so I figured things out.
Expectations from parents and relatives, honestly if that is your reason then just get a vasectomy. Having kids because others want you to, is just stupid.
Lastly there is nothing wrong with not having children at all. If you don't want, just don't have em. Esp if you're wife doesn't want a child.
I'm in the same situation. My wife is 33 already and I don't think I'm financially ready but they say we are never financially ready for kids, we would be ready only when we have kids. Lol. I'm thinking of cryopreservation.
Its all about bio-logical clock, I have seen people earning truck loads of money in their 25-35 and now spending the same money in the treatments/ medical expenses. Also if your baby is born at 33 also that is fine because till the time you kids will be age of working and earning you will still have few years left for retirement.
Bazooka5
Stealth
a year ago
Have been there & decided to let nature take care of it 😁. Just go for it, parenthood can change you in more ways than you think including giving you that 'inspiration' to work harder coz you have a lot more riding on uou
Hey buddy…. don’t worry. Take your time when you feel you are comfortable enough to have kids. We had our kid when I was almost 36 and wife, almost 34. I know few of my seniors who had their kid when they were 38. Some even in their 40s, but their wives had to go through IVF.
After 35, pregnancy for women may lead to complications and might be harder. So, if you’re wife is below 35, no need to worry. I had got laid off thrice and I do agree that without a solid backup plan, bringing kids to the world is not the right thing to do.
I think we had saved around a Cr, when we had our kid.
You will definitely get lot of societal pressure and peer pressure, but take your sweet time.
WordyScope23
Stealth
a year ago
There’s never a “convenient time” to have/ plan a kid.
I got married at the age of 33 (wife was 34) in 2019, 3 months prior to the Covid pandemic. I am a startup founder, she’s a banker. We both decided to delay kids because we were recently married and wanted to travel.
It’s been almost 4 years now. We have a hectic schedule and time has run it’s course. We most likely would have to go to an IUI/ IVF solution.
So if you do want to have a baby, have it at the earliest. Your wife’s age is huge factor and like I said, there’s never a convenient time to have a kid.
Blahblah
Stealth
a year ago
Not common. But why do you want to follow the norm? Do what you think is right for you now and in the future.
My father had me when he was 33. I guess it was a good decision because he somewhat secure a good job when I was born. We were also financially well off when compared to his siblings and cousins. Also, me and my sibling did better in schools compared to our cousins because my father made us take our studies seriously.
DarkerKnight
Stealth
a year ago
You have time.. no need to rush. Am in the same boat as you
Expect your life to change totally after kid is born.. you will have a big responsibility and need time investment.. plan well financially and mentally..
Demon
Stealth
a year ago
Many things you need to think of. Are you living beyond your means ? ( 6 months of emergency fund is how much 6 lakh or 12 lakh or more). Remember people live in lower middle class for 30k per month with a family. A lot of problems people imagine before having kids are imaginary or due to very high expectations. Remember your kid on whom 10k is spent per month on and on whom 100k is spent per month don't turn out to be much different from each other.
The answer to your question is that you will never be fully ready. Have kids and get into life spontaneously. Most of millenials (like you) were raised as lower middle class and they turned out ok.
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