If you die right now, how would you feel about your life?

Having lost both my parents, sometimes I feel extremely sad and demotivated for life ahead. I feel at the end we all will die and there is absolute no control on anything that happens with us. Still we are in this rat race of earning more blah blah. What's the point

So, I have heard multiple people that 20s is about exploring. Explore different jobs, work style, people etc , you name it! I believe with that, you cannot think of earning as exploration into different roles results in being at the same level across roles. 1. What would you do or are currently doing about this? 2. Do you agree that 20s is about exploring? 3. Did you explore in your 20s or did you try to climb the corporate ladder? 4. Would you do things differently if you had the chance?

I’m a very private person and I was a bit confused whether I should write here or not, but anyway. So, day before yesterday I was sitting on my chair after dinner and was thinking about my life and what the hell am I doing. I realised that, Saala bachpan se aaj tak race me hi bhaag raha hun. Pehle school me 1st, 2nd, 3rd aane ki race me. Then acche college milne ki race me. Then uske baad acchi job milne ki race me. Then uske baad agar ladki chahiye toh uske liye bhi ek race hai (Don’t have a gf, plz don’t take me wrong, it was a realisation) My current daily routine is like this: Wakeup everyday, write code, go gym, dinner, and then sleep and repeat this cycle everyday. School ke dost peeche chhoot gaye, college ke dost apni life me busy ho gaye, colleagues se main zyada baat nhi karta and main akela padh gaya. Feels like life is not intriguing anymore, it has no spark left. Its so painful to live everyday. I feel like I don’t want to live any more, I want to die but I can’t cuz of 2 reasons. 1. I’m the only son of my parents. 2. If I die like this, then I won’t be able to come out from the birth cycle. That’s it 🙏🏼

Is it just me or is even a job at the best Tech companies just don’t make any sense for women? There are always women who have great family support or husbands that are understanding and encouraging. But generally why does it seem like becoming a senior woman in tech even at the best places is sort of unattractive and significantly increases your odds of “failure” outside of work e.g. divorce,having kids late? Interested for thoughts from both men and women.

this current second, that's all what life is, nothing else.

Was thinking about our lives. Ever since you are in school, you have something to look forward to. When you’re in 1st grade, you know next year it’s 2nd grade and so on till you finish your undergrad. Suddenly, you could be everything or nothing at the same time. Those who are good at this game of eternal growth end up grinding their lives away in the PCM -> Engg -> B-School -> Consulting hell loop. Weirdly, the determinism in growth fades away suddenly and you see people finally pursuing diverse fields. Then, the realisation kicks in. You’ve been conditioned to chase eternal growth. That is what brings meaning to you in every part of your life. Today has to be better than your yesterday, or else it feels like you’ve failed. I wonder how sustainable that is but till then we will continue to throw our youth away. My 2 cents: You have a brief moment in history. Don’t spend your 10 years of prime in doing things that don’t bring you any joy. Don’t make the same mistakes all of us make chasing joys because others are chasing them. Find your own meaning to this eternal growth.