It's all about family.

It's all about family.- Grapevine

Family

Software Engineer

Grapeviners, can you, with all honesty convince a non-believer like me into getting married and having children. If you do, my parents will send a million blessings your way. 

About me: 
- Female, 28
- mostly introverted, very selectively extroverted
- single and normally attractive
- Jinxed when it comes to relationships
- Financially independent, Net worth: 1 cr
- not bragging, but I'm decently intellectual and I can have smart conversations

My reason to resist marriage is: I'm scared it won't work out and will cause bigger problems than being single. Have seen too many unhappy marriages in family and friends. Dating scenes in recent times have only made things even more unimpressive.

Convince me to get married

Founder

Welcome to Indian Startups's Private Community

Hustle culture is a scam to brainwash employees. Any views?

Program Manager

I've been in startups for the last 8 years. From Series B/C onwards to even a unicorn, over time worked at 3. 
One of them was an outright scam, raised many millions of $s from top investors, and then ultimately died. 
Also close with CXOs at decent sized startups, and there is a pattern out there. 

A few thoughts:
1. Being a startup founder is tough. There's pain. Some people thrive in pain. AKA Masochists. Know how to spot a founder who works 15 hours a day because they love their vision vs. somebody who works 15 hours a day because they're masochists. These people thrive in pain, and hence love to see you miserable as you slog away the hours under their leadership. 

There is absolutely no vision for the future that they have. They do it for the fame, money, and cause a lot of pain in the process. Nothing good comes out of it. Investors love this breed.
   
2. I wish I'd done more than just leave the scammy startup. At the point, I decided against whistleblowing. Because I thought there's so many people employed here, they would all be impacted. Over time, 200-300 people more joined after I left. Once the scam was caught, all of them lost their jobs.
   
3. I'm not a coder. I'm a generalist. Over time, my pay grew but not in line with my peers who went into consulting/VC and then came back to big tech/startups. Over time, you disadvantage yourself if you stick around as a generalist in startups for too long. The next team pays you at some premium over the last one, there's no step jump. 
You need to somehow find a successful startup early, and genuinely, that is impossible to game - even VCs have to bet on 20 to get it right.

These are a few disjointed thoughts. I hope they give some insight.
My only takeaways:
- If you work at a scammy startup, don't stand it. At least, don't stick around. 
- I earn lesser than my peers (tier 1 undergrad), but I regret nothing. I love my work, and I'll never get over the kick. I cannot imagine working at a larger company ever again.
- Ultimately, you have to be optimistic. Believe that India will grow, good founders will come around, magic will happen ❤️

PSA: What 8 years in startups have taught me

Welcome to Office Gossip's Private Community

It's for the people who stay away from their parents for work.

How do you deal with this guilt of leaving your parents behind when they need you the most? Also, if you have done something regarding this, please mention.

Guilt of staying away from ageing parents

Welcome to Software Engineers's Private Community

Is it just me or is even a job at the best Tech companies just don’t make any sense for women? 

There are always women who have great family support or husbands that are understanding and encouraging. But generally why does it seem like becoming a senior woman in tech even at the best places is sort of unattractive and significantly increases your odds of “failure” outside of work e.g. divorce,having kids late? 

Interested for thoughts from both men and women.

27F Engineer: Software Engineering Not Worth It For Women?

Product Manager

I (28, Hindu Brahmin) am in love with this (30, Sikhni) girl. We are together in relationship from last 5 years. 

I am trying to convince my mom for marriage but she is not getting  convinced. 
We have being in relationship for very long and she(girl) has waited for a very long time for us to get married. 

Everytime I talk to my mom, she says, you get married but don’t involve me. 

Girl’s family came to meet my mom, there also my mom denied. I said that I want to get married to this girl only. Girl’s family they are trusting me to get married to her only. They didn’t resisted much. 

I and girl’s family decided to get married in December, and have planned everything. I hve invited only my friends and girl’s family is also having few closed relatives. 

My mom is still not getting convinced. She is not talking about marriage at all. What should I do? 

On top of that my sister, is saying that I am rushing into it. Though it is clear my mom is not going to be convinced. 

What should I do? Getting stressed a lot. 
Anyone else who faced the same, going through it or anybody else who can share their pov or any idea around what should be done?

Love marriage in different religion

Welcome to News Discussion's Private Community

The whole family is in custody now!

Software Developer

I started with a job of 8k/month as a data entry operator after my B.Tech from an expensive tier 4 college which I paid for using an education loan.  
Had major inferiority complex. Probably still do.
Took some 5 years years after b.tech to pay that off. Didn't have a job in 2 of those years. 
Worked as a milkman for those two years.
Anyway..somehow I got a meaningful job in 2017 and today I am a tech lead with 70L base and some equity.
Reached this giant(atleast in my mind) milestone of 1 Cr this month.
Could not have even dreamt of this much money some 5 years back.
Yet, now some family members and family tell me "tukka lag gya tera" (you got lucky).

But I keep feeling that I did kinda work hard for this in a way but it hurts when a first uncle or first cousin says "Tukka lag gya tera".
Ofcourse now I feel financially confident(somewhat) and I try enjoy whatever pressures I can.

Just wanted to share my little story.

Reached 1Cr Net Worth yesterday

Why: I know that with all the job layoffs happening, it's kinda stupid to quit but I just can't. After almost a decade in the startup scene I'm taking a break, probably for good. 

From AI to B2C to ed-tech and more I have worked with startups at every stage of growth and across sectors. Almost in every one of these w/o exception, I have experienced burnout, mindless pressure, and being underpaid because I'm not from an IIT or IIM. 

Context: I love technology, I have been a sci-fi nerd since school and I threw myself into the stories of startups changing the world. But because of family finances and the overall culture of startups I haven't taken a break in about 10 years and it's starting to show. 

I don't have savings to last me more than 3-4 months but at this rate I'll end up checking out of society. 

Unsolicited advice: 
1) Most startups and the VCs that back them know they're going to fail but don't internalise their failure as yours. 
2) Always, always take care of your mental + physical health. Doesn't matter if you're intern and you're expected to slog 12-15 hours in the name of learning. 
3) I missed moments with my ageing mom and dad, school friends and just time to read and relax because I was afraid of missing out on "networking" and "office night outs". Fuck all that, it is and it will always be family and frit first. 


Finally, Fuck all you hustle bro CEOs, they have done more to damage the mentor health of a generation more than any politician. I feel stupid and useless because you can't help posturing and creating panic in the name of disruption. Hope AI takes your jobs too. 

PS: See you on the other side.

It's all about family.

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