Guilt of staying away from ageing parents

No guilt, they are happy in hometown and don’t like to visit me. I’m happy here because I know they won’t accept my lifestyle or me. So it’s fine, as long as we all are happy

One of the primary reasons I have given up on moving to Bangalore / Hyderabad for better offers and live close to hometown so that I can commute quickly and easily in need.

Have a 24 hour caretaker for them...try to automate their tasks, payments on your mobile. Whenever you go home, just don't stay at home and build relationships with old friends, relatives and local folks. Seek them for any emergency and in return help them and their family such as financially, children's employment etc. in whatever capacity you can.

Go back to them . Simple..

That's why I am looking for wfh roles

It is tough. I keep Thinking about it and maybe I can only see WFH as a real solution for that. However, That also is challenging as 1. Only few companies provide that 2. In WFH, it is difficult to build new relations/learn/ enjoy overall life. It seems like a really tough problem to solve and makes me sad.

If you can, go back to them. Covid made me come back and now I don't want to relocate. There's no point earning lacs when you can't be there for your people We at home, just chat about everything and anything. I have come to realise our parents are much cooler than we knew them during school time

Let me tell you a story. Its a long one but lesson for most of the folks: Its during vaccination time around may 2021. I went for my first dose with my wife. There was a long queue. Most of the elderly people were already done with their 1st dose during that time. A old age uncle was sitting beside me. I just casually asked "uncle why you didn't took the vaccine when govt specifically open the window for elderly people first"?? He told due to some personal reason he couldn't come. Then after 2 mins he asked me "beta where do you work"? I told him I am working in a MNC/soft eng/doing wfh. After listening to this he started speaking. Believe me I didn't utter a single word while he was speaking. "Beta i have 2 sons. Both are having same age as of yours. 1 is in Germany and another one is Mumbai. None of them is ready to get married. We asked them to get married so that we can atleast see our sons family getting expanded. I know both of them are staying in livin relationship. We don't have any issue with that also. But atleast get married" Then he continued:"my wife got heart attack in the month of April this year . That why I couldn't take the vaccine at that time. I have high bp ,high diabetes. I have struggling to get her a bed in cardiology department in Delhi. Some we got the bed and my wife got treated. Now she at bed rest. It was very difficult to manage everything as i am old. We have a made for everything. She was hired to cook 3 meals. But she cooks only once or twice. We can't complain as we rely on her. I have asked my son that we can move with them.But they declined." And then he started crying "Both of them are saying we will send you money.but it's not the money that we want!!" And his vaccine turn came and he said good bye to me.

If you can't go and live with your parents, get married and have kids. They will visit your kids. Carrying forward your family traditions to the next generation is the best fulfilment you can give them.

I dream about moving to Delhi NCR to be closer to my hometown but unfortunately that looks pretty difficult given the lack of good options for me there !!

No easy way to answer this bud, figure out a way to bring them close to you or find something that lets you stay close to them Had taken a decision to move back to India from abroad, then move in with them , made a few compromises with my career but I'm very content with the choices that I made... If you can't relocate but you are earning well enough, create a support system for them, and try to visit every now and then, remember theres only a finite time till they are with you so give them your time and presence

There isnt a straight answer here. It depends on your relationship with them. You cant stop growing in your life because you need to be at home and you should not ignore them at the expense of career either. While I am an advocate for making Indian parents self sufficient, I believe we as children are responsible to enable them to do so. My recommendation would be to find a balance of meeting them regularly by getting a job that permits some WFH in a month so you can visit and getting a lot of their regular expenses and help digitised. (some other people here also suggested it) Take up some financial responsibility. Doesnt have to be big, get them a car, a driver, full time help. This could include medical professionals in case they need it. If you like travelling with them, apart from seeing them regularly you can also take them somewhere. Parents love gestures, they dont care how big or grand they are. Giving back if thats what your heart says is a natural feeling. But my only piece of advice is not to give into extreme scenarios. Finding balance, as in all walks of life, is hard. It needs constant work and effort, but the results are worth it. I am sure you can see corollaries of it in professional scenarios. All the best man!

I moved back from US to India just for this reason. I was questioned, criticized and ridiculed by my colleagues and friends for doing that. It's been 6 years since I came back to India. My wife and I are doing everything we could to take care of our old aged parents. Many times, we pondered over what we lost... the US life and irresistible dollar income. We continue to hear the stories of our friends buying home in US, getting citizenship and so on. Only thing that kept us going is the self satisfaction of being there for our parents when they needed the most.

That's exactly why I have planned to stay away from parents in my early career years and come back to them when I'm financially stable/when they need me more. I know for a lot of people that adequately financial stability never comes. It's something I'll be mindful about and not get lost in race for money or lifestyle. Almost everyone in our life have a substitute for us except our parents

If you are working in India, then moving your parents to your city is an option. Spending money is easier compared to being present with your parents when they need you.

It is a double edged sword. I have spent my entire life at home as my mother is unwell so someone had to be there. I watched my friends go ahead as I stayed. Covid opened a lot of doors for me by wfh ( touchwood) You can't have the best of both worlds. Maybe once you are stable enough you can go back. Or call them to where you are. Also you have to live your life. So find balance.

Main reason I'm preferring wfh.

I realised this last year. My immediate solution is that I'm looking for remote jobs only right now. I plan to stay with my family 1-2 weeks every month. The market is a bit tough but I'll take a pay cut if I have to. family is important.

My parents moved with me. Now I pay 2x rent but worth it

Privileged to have a permanent WFH role and to be with parents who assist in every possible way. May not grow too high in corporate ladder, but I’m fine with it. The peace of mind of living with loving parents in ancestral property is unmatched.