Kalesh in between saas and bahu
Why does this happens? How can we mitigate this. Aur bich m fas ham jaate hai. Give your opinions on like bahu saas ki choti si baat ko dil p kyu leti hai. I don't mind my mother in law for anything.
Mat puch bhai…character limit khatam ho jaayegi but baat nahi 😬
Pata nahi...par mummy ko bhi apni sasu maa se nahi banti hogi 😶.
Kahani ghar ghar ki.
Pata nahi bhai. Well kuch hadd tak ye explainable bhi hai agar saas bahu ek chatt ke neche rehte hai toh.
Like ladkiya ati hai na ladko ke ghar pe, and not the other way round. Toh kuch bhi boli..it definitely is an adjustment on some level for them...kisi ke liye kum, kisi ke liye zyada...but still hai toh sahi.
And may be they worry ki pati ji unbiased nahi hai...and that they will bring in some amount of biasness for sure...and hence the ladai of pati ko apna banane ki and khunass saas ke liye .
And in some cases, bacche actually hote hai jinko pata hota hai ki mummy galat keh rahi hai ya something but still they expect the girl to adjust instead of correcting the parents....toh aur bhi zyada khunass
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I will try to see if i can make sense but i think of it as : 1. Maan lo tumne bhot paise kma ke ek ghr bnaya ya nhi bhi bnaya tum usme reh rhe ho kafi salo se tumhara ek nanha munna bacha b h ab bacha bda hokr ek ldki ghr le aata h jb tk ladki ghr me mehman bnkr rehti h (mtlb adjust kr rhi hoti h kehna maan leti h jyada question nhi krti h )tb tk sb shi rehta h lekin jb bahu thoda comfortable ho jati h , vo apne mn se thoda bhot krne lgti h chahe khane me ya kisi b chiz me ya pdos me ya ristedari me logo ko achi lgne lag jati h tb saas ko lgta h mera ghr mujhse chhut ta ja rha h ya I don't know what ever. Saas bhi usi ghr me vaise hi aai thi jaise bahu so she compares her bahu with her experience and always think she is doing favor to her and she is better saas then her saas.Also saas jyada time se vahan reh rhi h to she fears more of lok laaj dikhava and if bahu thoda sa kuch kr de which saas think is inappropriate and log baat bnaege then problem starts.Saas bahu dost bn skte h but maa beti I don't think so (exception are there)or b chize h but too tired of typing but ye first hand experience nhi h ye bhot sara aankho dekha observation h.
It is about distribution of power, decision ownership, inertia to leave grihast phase of life(longest period) and lack of leadership skill in seniors.
In hindu shastra, it is explained 4 phase of life. Most senior even their kids are well established in "grihast" phase of life, they parrent do not leave themselves from grihast phase. Honesty, the senior should move to vaanprast.
So situation, happens like that their are multiple leaders in same family who feel themselves owner of all grihast event and decision making in each event. Hence the conflict.
Finally with multiple conflicts, leader seperate themselves.
This situation even grows up with multiple kids.
Solution for future in my believe would be giving knowledge of four phase of life with real objective and thier responsibility based on each character our kids play, to make their life easier.
For current situation, not sure you can just try to explain, ki mama !, I understand what you said, please let me take the desesion and risk"
But what to do when your wife is not respecting your mother? Whose side you will take.
But why bro. Nowadays everyone is going towards nuclear family majorly because of this.
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I think as the primary reason why Kalesh happens between a mother and a daughter in law is because-
1. From mother's point of view, she's never used to sharing her son with anyone else.
2. From wife's point of view, she's new into the home, and overwhelmed with all the responsibilities and change.
Conflict happens when both of their insecurities clash against one another as the wife's only trusted person is the husband in a new household, and the mother's only pride is now prioritising a new lady.
Balance needs to be stricken by the husband in this case. He needs to make sure that constant reassurances need to be given to us wife through words and actions that he has got her back. And he needs to communicate to his mother that although he respects and loves her the most, he has a family to build now, and his priorities have not changed but shuffled.
But what should husband do when wife doesn't respect mother and not ready to go to hometown. How can I make my wife understand that she gave to ignore little little things and move on otherwise relations will deteriorate.
Try to communicate how you are stuck in between your mother and her. And do mention that although she is your priority and you'll always be by her side, you've certain obligations to fulfil and hence both of you have to face the society and not become a dinner table conversation for other relatives. And hence plan a hometown trip. Make sure you assure her and also really do take care of her when you are there at your mom's. Also, just to perk things up, plan a small trip or outting, just the two of you, on your way back home. Do let me know if this helps 💁♀️
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