Marriage Stuff
I see a lot of girls today have this condition of not staying with in-laws after marriage. I want to know the opinion of both genders on this. As I myself don’t understand what difference it makes. 🫠
I'm a guy.I kind of don't like the idea of staying at the same house with parents after marriage.
It does make a difference.I'm not married yet, but I know how Indian parents try to get involved in everything. For example, once my father said we are a very small family, after you get married, have 3 4 kids,he said in a funny way, but I didn't like it. I was like, "Excuse me, you don't tell me what to do."
This is just an example. I'm not even married yet. I've seen many like this right from naming the kid ,no of kids,their schooling, the food etc, in everything they try to control or have some influence which will be annoying ,even more if you stay in the same house. So I'm against the idea of staying in the same house with parents post marriage.
Don't involve your parents in your marriage, marry somewhere and announce it later.
Lol, no, its not gonna happen without them. I'm just against the idea of having influence over everything that mostly happens when we stay with them. I love em.
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I'm not married but I ain't leaving my house and my mum's parathas just to live alone with the wife.
I wonder why it's so hard for guys to understand that they'll be asking their wife to do the same thing. In fact, living alone would be better, you yourself sound like a mother-in-law @Elon_Musk . She doesn't need 2 MILs😂
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I can’t compromise on this. I won’t leave my parents. I’m the only son and they need me in their old age. So I can’t leave them.
Here is my suggestion: although I’m 25 M and unmarried. I would say never ask/take suggestions from 3rd party regarding your married life. Sit with your partner and decide and take out the middle way. Never include 3rd party.
If the girl is working , they'd still expect her to give her 90% in the kitchen & care taking home every minute thing after coming back from the office and whenever ...that becomes a frustration hence the decision. That's what I observed closely
RealOldmonk
Stealth
5 months ago
If you are guy and your mom can be her friend I don’t think they will have issues, but mom being mom in most cases things take a different turn, couples are just trying to avoid that stress in a already stressful world
Bittergourd
Stealth
5 months ago
See i believe in marriage, as now became the part of the family now you are not only associated with the guy himself his parents also becomes your like your parents, each female should give love respect and care to her in-laws. If they in some cases not being okay with your certain things just talk n make clarity but not living with them in their most stage of lives old age is not justified thinking...even for boys also give equally importance to your in-laws and your spouse..but nowadays in the name of modernisation people generally don't want to be with their elder generation..I feel pitty sometimes whenever I hear such instances..what we can say every one has their choice now
RealOldmonk
Stealth
5 months ago
💯 agree, the trend of old parents living and dying alone is slowly rising in India, old age home or caretaker taking care of parents because either they are abroad or they don’t want to stay together
Qwerty2398
Stealth
5 months ago
Simple rule- don't marry the person who wont live with the parents. I mean both genders. If the man lives in the place of the in-laws, then he should move in there(this is unlikely, the Inlaws themselves would not prefer). If the man's parent live in the same place, then the woman should move in. Any woman who says that is a fool. That woman thinks short term or probably brain washed by liberal nonsense.
Having a elder is the house is a blessing.
Donut
Stealth
5 months ago
Just as guys have conditions of expecting and making the girl will leave her family, house, many times city and job to move to their home. Many times she won’t even be allowed to continue wearing what she has been her entire life - shorts , dresses for example - some even go as far as not allowing to wear certain colours upto 1 year of marriage, as per the in laws choice.
If a girl doesn’t wanna stay with in laws and has mentioned that upfront, she’s clear about her expectations. All families are different so there is no one correct answer that anyone can give here. It will be best for all to stop asking such generalised one-sided questions on a job platform!
I’m 26 M (single) but do think of such scenarios because i might have to face this, so here’s my point on this after reading lot of patriarchal (and extreme feminist ) views.
Not wanting to live can be a choice, but is it a better choice? I see a lot of parents helping their working kids in household work, and managing the grand children. This is a huge help. Obviously living with older gen can be a problem when they are too much into their children’s business but I believe now people are more mature than before (atleast in my case who themselves don’t want to live in the same house as me). Ideally, buy a place nearby so that you can visit them daily or ask both the parents to move near you (both husband and wife).
Thinking of Leaving your parents at this age when they need you the most isn’t something we indians are known for :)
Let me start by saying that these things depend on a ton of circumstances, so there is no one size fits all. Not all in-laws and children are conservative, modern, good, bad etc.
When you say a lot of girls don't want to stay with in-laws after marriage, I wonder how many guys are asked to stay with in-laws? My guess is not a lot. I wonder what their response would be if asked?
Coming to why girls don't want to, it's because it's hard for guys' parents to treat their DIL like they treat their son, or even daughter for that matter. While girls' parents wouldn't stop at anything to host the guy and ensure their SIL is comfortable.
Another reason is that our lifestyle can be quite different from our parents and living together can be uncomfortable for one, if not both the parties and may lead to conflicts. E.g. friends coming over, sleeping schedules, partying outside, attire etc. Having said this, if one parent really needs someone to take care of them, then their children should do it, be it a guy or a girl.
I'm a girl and I'm of the opinion that my parents really won't let my marriage be peaceful. My parents really love to force their views on others in EVERY aspect. So I wouldn't want my own parents' interference in my marriage & I even tell my brother the same thing. That live separately with your wife in the same city. Like live nearby so that you can care for them, just not under the same roof. We all know our parents and the best for us. But I also know some very sweet inlaws who are very supportive of their kids' decisions and act as guiding lights, so it's okay to live with such parents after marriage. But if your parents are too interfering that could create problems l, then it's better to live apart. To each their own.
I am a girl and I don’t have a boyfriend. So whenever I discuss with married people about how to find a guy for marriage, they start telling me these filters which are basic for them. And then I get confused whether those are relevant or not. As I myself think that there are pros and cons, of course, but what is this option of not living with parents? Then my mind thinks that these people have experience and they know better.
I feel it's a fair ask. People need their space, especially newly weds! It doesn't mean you have to stay in different cities, Just different houses in same locality also helps
It’s ok. Guy can start living with his in-laws after marriage. Problem solved.
Onepiece_luffy
Stealth
11 days ago
I see a lot of comments defending staying alone after marriage because parents tend to interfere. Your incompetence in drawing boundaries makes you do another blunder - leaving parents away at an age when they need support (even if they are able, they still need support). You will realise the value of your parents when they aren't around any longer.
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