Consultant

Self-esteem over everything.

Data engineer

Self-esteem over everything.- Grapevine

I have been treating myself like shit lately.

I have 100s of people who root for me but my mind pin points my emotional bandwidth on the ones who only see the "incapable" or "unworthy" side of me. 

Whenever I think highly of myself, a tiny sinister voice creeps in and labels me as "arrogant" or "dellusional" or "overconfident".

PS: I am someone who was at times bullied in school for being too polite (people started to associate it with feminine energy, although now that I am an adult, I feel being softspoken has opened more doors for me than others). This did leave a scar on my self-esteem, given how pampered and protected I was as a child.

How can I stop underestimating myself?

Welcome to Indian Startups's Private Community

What should one base their self worth on in this time of no to low increment, lay-offs and silent firing and what not?

Senior Data Scientist

Not sure if anyone is successful enough to answer this  question but still would really like to know what you folks think about it. 

I know Success is a relative term. Here I am talking about that success when you are the absolute best in your field! Whatever you do, you are firmly sitting at the top. Do you think this level of success makes a person humble? It comes with endless supply of money and fame. One which you can only imagine in dreams and is achieved by a handful. What more is left once you achieve that? What are the challenges? What are the priorities now? How do they change given the fact that you don’t have to worry about the money factor at all. The only priority which I have seen is family! 

Isn’t it surprising how everything eventually boils down to us and our loved ones? Is there something which is more important than our family?

Does Success Make You Humble?

Software Engineer

The obsession I regret the most in my life is the all or nothing behavior.

Where, 
- I'll apply for a job only after knowing everything there is to know for a role.  This is why I used to see people with half my knowledge applying and getting jobs and moving ahead in life. I used think it's so unfair that they achieve in all aspects of their life and I in none...
- I'll date someone only when I know I am the perfect version that I envision for myself 
- I'll only take photos when I am in my perfect shape. If I don't have 8 abs, I don't deserve photos!
- I'll stop questioning whether I am good enough only when I achieve everything else I am a loser

I just was very cruel to myself for my own imperfections!
This instilled a fear in me that shattered my spirit, self confidence and self worth.  I ended up being afraid to pick anything up. 

If I couldn't stay course in something and for some reason I wasn't able to do something for a day or 2, my perfectionism mindset said, that's it, I am a failure and I thought, nothing can be done now and gave up

This resulted in I procrastinating in things. 
Why to work hard, I am never gonna make it...
I have 100 things to do in life else I am failure but I don't have time to do all that in this lifetime. Perfectionism results in not doing anything!

After meeting people, self introspection and podcasts from people, I realised its okay to mess up, its okay to fall down. I should dust myself off and continue! 
It is so hard now to change yourself after years of disappointment. You need so much positivity and letting go of perfectionism. You need self love and kindness... 

TLDR -
Don't be like an OCD person obsessing over things to go exactly the way they want!
Don't reject yourself due to failures/setbacks. Dust yourself off and move ahead!
It's okay to be imperfect as long as you promise to be consistent!

[Controversial Opinion] Don't chase perfectionism chase consistency. Period!

What is one of basic things you realised too late?

Founder

Welcome to Software Engineers's Private Community

It's not restricted to over 30 women. Open to all the women here irrespective of their age.

From career to health, marriage , relationship, travel, goals. #Learn from experiences

Women of GV. Hope to learn from you

Welcome to Get Motivated's Private Community

Ego leads to greatness

Software Developer

Welcome to Office Gossip's Private Community

Hi Grapeviners, I don’t think I’m a bad person but I do consider myself superior to some friends from same background who I earn a lot more than. 

Do you also feel this superiority, or are you indifferent?

Be Honest: Do you feel superior to your friends who have a lower CTC?

Product Marketing Manager

What is your top 1 strength? Just one. The one thing that truly made you stand out

Can be a list too. But Only unmarried men

Unmarried men, what is that you seek in your to-be spouse?

You are 35. What have you stopped believing in that you totally believed in when you were 25?

Life lessons

Business analyst

Since early childhood all I talked, watched and read was Technology. When I got home from school, I worked on C++ and built games by modelling physics, collisions etc. I frequented a ton of online forums for WebGL and other archaic tech that most of you don't even know about.

I knew all about the Silicon Valley, the stories and legends. I learned all about the history of technology and used to work deeply with my father with transistors, ECU/ECMs etc during weekends. 

I thought I knew it all. I thought I was the deal. I remember schooling folks about all of this, making them realise they are dumb as hell. I remember when I stepped into my MS in CS program and attended a club meeting, I realized that I was just like everybody else.

They were all the same as me in hindsight. They knew the same things and lived and breathed the same passion. I knew I wasn't special. For the first time, I suffered ego-death. I thought I was special, and I was not.

This is just a reminder, that you are not special. You are less unique than you think you are. So lose that attitude.

Do you think you are special?

Product Manager

Welcome to IT Company Discussion's Private Community

When I joined Deloitte few years ago I was so happy getting the breakthrough. However my happiness didn't last long, as this place lacks transperency and the growth opportunities are minimal.
The Technology projects lack vision and the goals are not SMART. Sadly the show is run by few incompetent /selfish PPMD's (Partners,Principals &Managing directors) and a large pool of Vintage employees who are there in the organization since ages, few older than rare trees. These people are so well settled in thier respective comfort zones that even the thought of change will make them uncomfortable.
I really ponder upon this thought daily that does Deloitte really need so many people in USI office(HYD.)
We are around 75K employees here approx.. REALLY!!!!

All that Glitters is not Gold!!

Everyone uses a version of you
That fits their interest
Still acceptable

178 cm Brown skin 
Always left out
Gym Personality development sab try Kia
Khud k career development k liye roj ragda
Khud k health k care Kari
Par breaking aa gya hai

I eat alone in the office
POSH k dar se females se dur rehta hoon

Drawing Flute, in sabhi k clubs join kiye
I was well versed in them when I was a kid
To find someone
Par no girls in sight, even if they were
I was not even an option.

But still
I cannot come close to the ones who were gifted
I am invisible to girls
Kuch khaas jine k tamana nhi hai mere

Par Ek din k liye
Ek Sundar dikhne wala insaan Banna chahta hoon
Jise dosta gender romantically attractive Lage

Kya koi hai idhar jinke halat mere jaise ho

When You look ugly

I don't know if this post would make sense, but does anyone ever wish they were less? Less competent, less "bright", less "smart"? I'm not being braggy but I am pretty smart (not book smart but smart smart) and while objectively I am doing pretty good, I just constantly feel like I'm not living up to my fullest potential!

Should I be on the lookout for a better job (the present one is fine) or preparing to study more or, I don't know, to scale and scale? It feels like everyone has such high expectations of me and I hate making mistakes, even if it is a typo in a document

The anxiety that I'll never live up to my potential becomes so crippling, it becomes counter productive and like Dr. Strange, I forseen like a 100 different possible outcomes of every decision because I can't seem to turn my brain off! Ignorance is bliss and I so wish I could be ignorant

Does anyone ever wish they were... Less?

Lawyer

Hi Grapeviners,

**Question for those at higher level (SM+)**

How do you perceive your job?
Isn't that too demanding, boring and depressing (corporate politics) at the same time considering you're stuck doing it for years/decades on end(that too will intensify more you climb up)?

Essentially, I want to know what motivates you apart from you big checks?
Is it about the power that you enjoy over people? (i mean, does it really make you feel powerful?)
Or is it you can't go reverse because of the status and other factors that are attached with you?

Cuz my underlying assumption is that if you're doing a job and earning quite well then it's unlikely that you would get significant time to enjoy that money with your family/ friends or even alone. (pls correct me if I am wrong)

Like yesterday I was talking to a client AVP  who's been toiling day n night over the weekends from last 2 month just like an unpaid intern.

If that's the path to carrer growth, then man, I am already done!😂

--------
Your answers/ perspective would help me understand the point of chasing carrer growth from your lens and decide for myself!!

Thanks 🙏

Self-esteem over everything.

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