Context: I am a software engineer with 4 years of experience.
Everytime I work with a bunch of engineers (Especially Indian Startups). Most of them are workaholics.
They are just working for some company full-time. They are interested in learning more about technology, making jokes about technology, following technology news, etc.
That is it.
No social life. (Especially after Covid). No skills in any other part of life.
Their comfort zone is so small that they have developed a lifestyle of working, sleeping & watching something on laptops and that's it.
They make an excellent salary but don't do anything else.
Every time I meet a 35-40-year-old software engineer, it is just a physically unfit guy with an arranged marriage who is boring as a brick.
I am in my late 20s and I feel attacked. Thank you for striking the right chord
I've come to realize that, like many software engineers, I've found myself navigating the monotony of an 8-hour job, often feeling isolated from my office peers. It can be challenging when people hesitate to open up, but the reasons for this became clear.
There are two key aspects at play: a minimal social life and prioritizing work. These factors are interconnected. In late 20s, the circle of friends tends to shrink, and individuals are busy setting up their own lives, leading to growing distances. With limited time for each other, it's easy to become engrossed in work life. I didn't anticipate that making friends would become a challenge, and I acknowledge this as a personal objective (read OKR) for myself. Despite being an extrovert, reinitiating the trust and friendship path can be difficult.
To address this, I've proactively connected with people, stepped out of my comfort zone, and initiated new activities. It's a challenging process, and sometimes it feels like I'm overdoing it, but the effort is rewarding. Engaging in activities beyond my job role, such as joining a gym or participating in public discussions, has been beneficial. I've also reduced my time on social media, realizing that platforms like Instagram reels consume a significant portion of my time.
I'd like to urge understanding for people in their late thirties. Having once criticized the habits of those in their late twenties when I was in my early twenties, I now comprehend the challenges of their situation. Unexpectedly, I find joy in shopping for groceries and organizing them neatly. It's all about priorities, and embracing change has made a significant positive impact in my life.
All fair points.
It is also about taking the career slow. People always have the feeling that they are getting paid less than others, They never choose to see a career as something you have to do for 20-30 years.
I have seen people who make 20-30 lac a year and still never take a break to learn something new. Or just explore things in life. It is all about making a huge fortune as quickly as possible.
But eventually, they end up being overweight toad with some gold coins.
They want to change their life but do not want to take a break from careers or take a pay cut and work on mental health, social life, etc.
I deeply appreciate the bunch that acknowledges these and takes really important actions.
But the majority of the community is a group of people whose identity is close to nothing outside their work,
If you are not thinking about money, you are wrong. If you are only thinking about money, you are way too much wrong.
There’s no end of comparison and there’s no end to greed or earning. Whatever we earn, is always less. Learnt one liner about getting paid, “More than what I need. less than what I want” is the answer.
I hope we as a community realise the importance of other aspects of life than the work life. I wish you get to encounter more vibrant personalities, if not, we’ll meet and Atleast you’ll have one! 😛
This is what years of JIRA does to you
But it is a sad journey to work with people who are just worried about their salary and nothing else. So sad a bunch to learn anything from.
I always felt software engineer communities would be more vibrant.
Guess I was very wrong.
A lot of folks get into ~~software~~ engineering because of the money. Given how difficult it is to get a CS/IT stream in engineering colleges in India, a lot of folks who do end up here sacrificed their hobbies early on to beat the rat race.
what do you mean outside work, we are boring at work as well
Oh my god you read my mind. This is exactly what I’ve been wondering ever since I got into tech. I’ve been working for 2.5 years now and every person I meet fits this description.
I’ve had an extremely eventful college experience and now it feels like I’m in a place that’s dead opposite.
For a lot of those who are in Tech, particularly in India, the core priority is to uprise their families from generational poverty or from bad financial planning of parents or to achieve a certain mobility in the financial status. Most of these boys from small towns or suburban towns, really don't want a lot. In fact, they have grown up to be men who are reliving the life of their parents selflessly without attaching an identity to their personality.
For most of them, the simple pleasure of having to see their child or wife or parents happy would mean more than them trying to overlook their belly and feel sad.
Let alone, if these people were able to afford an affluent life in their early 20s they would have most likely tried to go abroad.
But they were struggling and toiled hard to reach this spot in life.
But there are people who are also people who are living absolutely rad life.
I try to not generalise, but I know from my friend circle from across many states, the average suburban boy now in a more senior role is someone who doesn't have a lot of things going on in life. They are mostly torn in between two three lives, the very high pressure job in a city, balancing children and wife in the same city and then travelling every 2nd or 3rd month to thier small town.
Very Valid points.
I am just angry that when your managers and teammates are mostly doing this, It feels lonely to be different.
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