As a Product Manager, why do Software Engineers act so rude?

Maybe have a talk with the leadership regarding this?

Documentation is key. Keep the leadership in loop, reduce the scope of the projects by 15-20% and use that time to document everything. Keep the EM in loop on these documents and keep the leadership also in on this. Proactively communicate delays to the leadership.

But be prepared to get the short end of the stick. PMing in India is highly under appreciated. The leadership has to intervene in such a scenario and all you can do is gather the data points and make a good case for yourself and the initiatives you are working on.
Wish you all the best for it. Hang in there, will come a time when PMs will garner equal or more respect than their EM counterparts, just like in the valley. Till then brace for a bumpy ride. Also if you want to connect on specifics of your problem, feel free to dm.

Your story lol sketching the EM as the villain while you might be the one doing all this. The reason Software Engineers are seen as rude is because they don't best around the bush and feed the deluulu people in corporate. Tough luck they will still have the job if they quit or get laid off, we are getting paid for our problem solving skills(actual problem solving not jargon English problems).

Everyone is smart enough to respect where money flows

I doubt their resentment is something that came up suddenly

Maybe new Eng Guy is trying to align resources after evaluating that most time spent by Engs is pointing to no revenue

I work under a manager/mentor who extremely rude to PM and CSMs in general

I have never met a more focused person than him ever

Have spent enough time under management to see most Client facing guys are not focused enough to say no to random requests by Client

MBA grads wanna maintain the relationship with clients rather build a product that recieves widespread adoption

Product Building and Eng is hard, and the ones who nail them move to USA and print stocks

Most Blr based product companies are wrapper around Service Based product because we would rather waste everyone's time/money rather pointing them to narrow objective of a product layer and making life easier

Tbf PMs and Client Huggers have a higher attrition than engs and focus on "Relationships" rather than Value

We understand making deals is hard
But working on creating Money-Minters is the best thing you can do ever. Great products make life easy for clients ,even if clients are not focused its your responsibility to fight and show them value

A little context: I'm coming out a meeting with a major desi Bank. Have been having this meet for weeks where Business guys throw around words and toss emails with nothing to show for Keep in mind all these morons have big linkedIn profiles that others jerk off to
I can't contribute much since my manager didn't join till today
But today my manager took control of the meeting and opened up an excel asking what I the to-do list and who is the stakeholder

All of those guys just ran for their lives.... we had more clarity today than rest of the 2 months

BottomLine
Please focus on where the money is flowing and let that form your direction

A rude focused guy is much above a distracted tree hugger

You need to speak up, i) Directly to them first ii) To the leadership than simply taking their shit. From my experience, unless you speak up with authority and point out wrong behaviours, people take you and your work for granted

The problem is usually a disconnect. If there's an actual problem being solved usually it's easy to get everyone on board. Software programmers are problem solvers. You have to use them accordingly.

Try to do a 1-on-1 with each member of the team starting from EM. The agenda of the meeting should be something like this:

1. What visions do they have for the product or feature that they are working on?

2. Ask them to share suggestions that they feel is getting neglected by Product or Business but is important from Engineering perspective.

3. What would they like to see in the team's culture that would excite them?

Now the above questions are meant to show the Engineering team that you and them are just one team. The Tech team. Working on a common goal of creating a world class product.

While these things take time to yield fruits, it would give you a perspective about how each member thinks. In the next subsequent meetings, you would have better clarity on how to align the team towards common goal by trying to highlight the individual advantages and targets that they seek.

May be the EM just wants to protect the team from unrealistic estimates, timelines. Often engineers will give wildly optimistic estimates while not considering code quality as a NFR and agree to take shortcuts to keep product happy. If that is what you are saying has changed (team going through EM for communication of estimates), that's a good thing. Since your two roles don't overlap and EMs usually also have people management responsibilities, I'm not sure where the disconnect is. Is the team being very hostile to you compared to before? If yes then obviously that's not a normal behavior.

My 2 cents

There is a disconnect between PM and engineers, as what has been thought of by PM needs to be implemented by engineers. Steve Jobs took all the credit of engineers, PMs become the face success, but hardly take the blame. If anything brakes it directly lands on the engineers. They need to figure out what broke and what to fix. Usually PMs who have extensive knowledge of tech, are better respected than APMs who landed directly from college. Having previous tech experience will gain you the necessary complexity engineers have to face, specially the emotional one.

This will work against them. Keep evidence and show or provide during their rating