I wanted to pen down my story, as I have been feeling extremely low for the past two days. I work hard, but still don’t get the results that I deserve Some background. Did engineering from a tier 3 college(this one’s on me, didn’t study hard in my 12th, hence completely my mistake). During college, I was motivated and determined to do good, and aspired for MS abroad in top university, so that I could get rid of the tier 3 tag(honestly, my undergrad college was so bad that mostly the localites of the city enrolled, and only for the purpose of getting a degree, even mass recruiters didn’t recruit from this campus). I worked hard in my first sem, and this college was affiliated to a state university. In the end sem exam, I was given horrible marks, completely careless checking, significantly reducing my GPA. I applied for reassessment but no change. Apart from that, I kept upskilling, learnt ML. In 4th sem, I was given a backlog(it got cleared when I applied for reassessment). Honestly I would always do well in class and internal exams, but somehow the external examiners always gave unfair marks and had to always apply for reassessment. In 3rd year, I got an internship of 2 months, but had to cut it down to a month as college had attendance issues. In the final semester I got a 6 month internship at a very good startup, at a very good pay, but again, had to turn it down due to college attendance issues. During final year, wrote a research paper, initially it got rejected, but had to raise contention with the conference committee for unfair evaluation, and after reevaluation by other reviewers, got stellar reviews and paper was published( you see how unfair it is right). I also gave GRE, TOEFL and got decent score, got into 1 so so university but was rejected by 5 others. Didn’t go for it as it was not that great and it was COVID year. After college concluded, it was COVID time. Continued in comments.
After college concluded, it was COVID time. I joined the startup as an intern that I previously had to turn down, and my internship wasn’t converted to full time, around the same time my grandma passed away, and it was probably the lowest point in my life. However, I got back up, got another job with a startup, but few months later I realised I was severely underpaid, and I hated working at this place. I switched, and joined another startup with over 100% hike. Here, I was stuck with a really horrible team, with a really high attrition rate. All my team mates either left, or were laid off, and again, I was the lowest paid person. The juniors I used to help were paid higher than me. Again, I decided to switch, and now I’m at a company which is quite good, like working here, earn decently well (25LPA, 3.5YOE).
However, all this while, I have been trying for MS in US. Fall 2024, was my 5th attempt, and yesterday again, I got rejected from my dream university. It’s not Stanford or Harvard, but its a good one nonetheless. Just for this one, I specifically gave GRE again, significantly improved all aspects of my profile, have 1 patent, 6 research papers. And I’ve been doing all this along with full time job.
On a personal front, I was in a relationship with a girl for over 5 years. I got to know last year that she had cheated with me multiple times. Have been away from my friends and family, and feeling of loneliness never goes away.
I have always been good and helpful to others, wished well worked with utmost integrity and honesty, but still, I end up on the opposite side of luck and never get what I deserve.
I’m not pretty much convinced that good things can’t happen to me now, and have been feeling very demotivated.
If you need a SoP review, feel free to DM. Life won’t be same always, things will change
All the more reason why you should move out sooner and start things - from scratch. A change in location can actually be a huge boost to your morale. You start seeing hope. You meet new people and move ahead with your life. Dreams keep changing from time to time as you age. You will realise this sooner or later. In your case, if you are getting an equally good school in US I would suggest you consider and move on with it. Telling you this since it's been 5 attempts already. There's always going to be a tradeoff, but you will have to decide what is more important at some point.
Thanks for writing down your thoughts
Discipline, it works where motivation fails.
Damn bro you're one hell of a fighter
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