@GaribCeo you should check the fine print of your policy , they won’t allot it to you family in case suspicious death.
Coming to why we need to survive. I don’t like delving into these questions cause, frankly it causes existential crisis for me.
I just like to think that since I am anyway on this planet and my brain’s sole responsibility is to keep me alive and safe, I might as well help it.
Your brain goes to an extent to block out memories of real incidents that may have cause you shock so there must be a reason why it’s trying so effing hard to survive, this and the emotional connection I have formed here is good enough reason for me to get going.
I really hope you can find a reason to continue living . Alternatively, I know government hospitals now have therapist in case of suicidal cases.I would urge you to try it out once it may help you gather a different perspective.
One last thing , if you have tried so hard to find a job, you owe it to your self/family to try equally hard to find for reasons to not end your life.