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SquishyPickle
SquishyPickle
Meesho

Suggestion needed about future

In relationship with her for almost 4 years. Although relationship is kind of toxic but there're lot of emotional memories. She's bit of abusive when in anger and on the other hand I also made lot of mistake by giving hope & all. It becomes kind of hard for me to handle her anger. Now I trying to fix things up for our future. I tried connecting with lot of my friends & psychologist, but didn't get balanced solution. By balanced solution, I mean both of us should not suffer unfairly and live life peacefully. Both of us come from lower middle class family and both approaching 30. she's not working.

  1. I have few responsibility for my family as well. So, one of my friend suggested "to do breakup and not continue because of these family responsibility. If I go with her, then in the end I have to sacrifice one thing in my life (sacrifice means not good future), either my family, her or my career. and not being true to my family responsibilities in future will give me more guilt than breaking up with her. and they told It'll become hard for me with family guilt. In chess, sometime you have to sacrifice queen to win. Also, they asked me to read geeta that duty comes first than anything else. and family didn't make any wrong and deserve the best in future."

  2. My judgement around this is kind of messedup right now. Although i understand the logic part of it and completely agree with this. but Emotional part of this is kind of making me feel guilt. that i did very wrong to someone. and Even i understand that it'll be hard/impossible for me carry all these burden in future, still I think lets go with her just that I dont want her to suffer things.

  3. Above 2 solution feels very biased to me. In both solution, one of us have to suffer badly. Posting here to get your solution. I know both type of people exist here. Someone will feel more for her and other will prefer family.

for more context - https://grapevine.in/post/98de98e6-d9fb-48ea-90ce-b05c82214362

6mo ago
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SqueakyCupcake
SqueakyCupcake
Lululemon Athletica6mo

How did your relationship become so close without noticing her anger issues and compatibility?

  1. Ask her to get a job and become independent before marriage.
  2. Strongly clear it out that your parents are your responsibility and she also has to support you if needed.
  3. To avoid any legal issues never confirm on any marriage or give any false promises.
  4. Try to switch the job and get relocated to a far place, and slowly avoid any casual meetups, instead focus on health.
SquishyPickle
SquishyPickle
Meesho6mo

@halala It's not that I didn't notice these issues. This was kind of my first time in relationship and every time she used to threaten me with suicide and calling my family. and it used to scare me a lot. and also, I used to let go these things after few talks. I know I made mistake and I was not strong and it gave her false hope.

  1. Getting job is not an option for her right now.
  2. She gets kind of jealous that I have inclination for my family and get very angry about these things. although she agree to support but her action doesn't reflect the same. she get angry when I have phone call with sister or mother. her reasoining is that I care too much for my sister and not her.
  3. Although never had intention to give confirmation. but lot of time she has pressurized me a lot in alone out of her insecurities to confirm for marriage and after that , she take these things seriously that I'll have to walk the talk.
  4. Yes running away is an option. but not want her to suffer :(. you can say immature behaviour. but I'll take this step when no option is left. Just to reduce my guilt, Making my effort (finance) to get her job.
SqueakyCupcake
SqueakyCupcake
Lululemon Athletica6mo

Why can't she get a job?

I personally know people who failed in 12th, then passed BA with quite an effort and got a job in tech, even without a tech degree. If a person is dedicated enough anything is possible at any age.

Also, one of my friends married in similar situations, now he drinks to avoid her, and finds peace in extra marital affairs.

PrancingPotato
PrancingPotato
Stealth6mo

No girl is woth mental torture. Be selfish and leave her.

BouncyBurrito
BouncyBurrito
Stealth6mo

Chorh de

SquishyPickle
SquishyPickle
Meesho6mo

@CommonChop20 reasoning de do bhai

BouncyBurrito
BouncyBurrito
Stealth6mo

Lifelong abuse game chlta rhega, may also lead to legal stuff as suicide dhamki already going on. Abhi se doubts hai itne to marriage ke lie mt hi socho, just a suggestion for your better life. No traits of a lifelong partner!

FluffyCupcake
FluffyCupcake
Amazon6mo

I stopped reading at “abusive when angry”.

It’s a huge red flag, this abuse might increase and legally u might not be able to do anything. Best is let the person move on slowly.

ZestyBurrito
ZestyBurrito
Stealth6mo

Aapki life hai, aapse behtar koi nhi jaanta ki kiski kya asliyat hai. Decisions kabhi emotional hoke mat lo, ki bhai yeh suffer karegi ya mai suffer karuga. Shaanti se betho, sari chizo ko logical and rational point se dekho, aur decision lo.

Listen to your gut feeling. Agar uske opposite decision loge, toh aage jaake suffering toh badhegi hi, regret aur hoga ki sb kuch pta hote hue bhi khudke per par kulhadi maari li.

Aaj ek chot na ho iske liye apne aane vale kal par ghaav toh nhi kar sakte na.

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