Life is complex...

I was learning to code when i was in my second year of BTech. I understood coding is not for all. It is a way of thinking. Some people naturally can code and some people work hard to get that way of thinking. Ultimately coding is about problem solving. Now one thing i understood is, my thinking and way of talking everything has got changed because of learning to code. Im making real life relations so complex. I have seen people who never think about how they think, who never go deep into why and what in day to day life, who just live their life without any stress but still earn good. What i am trying to ask is, is this normal for everyone. The more work you do, the more problems you solve, the more complex thinking your mind will start doing and this will affect your day to day life to think too much about ifs and elses in relationships.

Harsh reality of life. It has to go on, with or without you.

Has anyone thaught what's good and Bad?why shud we exist in first place? We all make money to live , to eat food , to find a family that we like it or not but forced to get used to it sometimes, work hard for money and then die someday , just like any other animals , what's the point of it . Why die someday after hard work and no enjoyment or die with enjoyment ? Why!!... Anyways noone's gonna remember me , you , or anyone in 100, 200, 1000 years... What's the purpose of living a life according to someone as good or bad ...why live in first place?... If we are born to die , then why be born? Work hard to get a good job , and then to get a good wife ? Do they work that way nowadays? Do you think that if you get rich and find a partner, is she attracted to you or to your riches? And at the end of the day everyone wants a beautiful person who is also rich and doesn't contradict with you..... And I am losing hopes in this generation, in this era , in this world and the entire humanity which is fading away , in the form of society we let humanity die, This world is not for humans alone but for animals also....but we never respect the dogs we see on roads , This world is not fair , and why shud we pretend to be good in an unfair world ? I don't believe in life after death anol, you are made of cells and they do decompose after you are burried and whatever consciousness is it's nothing but release of chemicals that creates an illusion..... And we all believe in that illusion....

If you ask me, the purpose of life has to be more than climbing a self-constructed ladder. Like, it has to be more than a 3BHK in a metro, with two kids, a car and a prestigious job at a faceless corporation, 2 weeks of vacation and a movie on the weekend. Isn’t this weird that, we all continue to fool ourselves? When you know nothing matters the universe is yours, and I've never met a universe that was into it. The universe is an animal, it grazes on the ordinary. It creates infinite idiots just to eat them. You know? Smart people get a chance to climb on top and take reality for a ride but it'll never stop trying to throw you. And eventually it will, there's no other way off - Rick, Rick and Morty.

I noticed a pattern in myself. I chase a goal, I achieve it, be elated about achieving that goal for a few hours (A few days at best, if it's some really really great achievement), and everything feels the same again I'm off thinking about the next thing. Once I've got it, my mind just goes "this wasn't such a big deal". I got a pretty nice rank in NEET UG and also cracked the internship at Microsoft. I have won hackathons. I have overcome my shyness about talking to strangers. I have a lot of things to be proud of. I came really close to killing myself but have managed to live on, and this is my greatest achievement by far. I just wish I could be happy.

Now it is enough struggle in life, stress, tension, Work Life Balance..where is my life? Where is my enjoyment? Whole life I have compromised to please others. I have earned money, spend money, one day I will go out of this cruel world, who is there to cry for me? So, I just wanna live my own life without any tensions... because life is very short. You never know what next....

I dont care about money above a certain amount, i dont care about power. I just want my newfound family and my stability. To live a happy life surrounded by my loved ones. I feel as if its not a bad dream to have.