Who do think is responsible for stress? Parents or coaching mafia?
I blame parents for this. Not that coaching centres are saints, they suck the life out of students by making them study 24/7 but the reason that child is in coaching centre is because parents put him/her there. And every suicide letter I have read from students mentions that they couldn't fulfil parents expectations. They are the reason their child is in that condition, just because they want to brag and seek validation from so called society that their child is a prodigy (and want to establish that they are the creator of this prodigy) who went to medical/IIT. And if the child doesn't act acc. to their expectations, they start gaslighting them "We gave you birth" "Maa baap bhagwan ka roop hote hai how dare you blame us Or don't listen to us" I once watched a movie (don't remember the name) where actress says "As parent we determine if our child needs tuition classes but at same time we fail to know if he/she needs therapy" Who do you think is to be blamed? Also parents on GV don't push your child if he doesn't want to fly, thinking he has wings, he may fall to death.
The Court was hearing a PIL filed by a Mumbai-based doctor Aniruddha Narayan Malpani who blamed coaching institutes for driving students to ...
https://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/sc-blames-parents-for-kota-suicides-refuses-to-rein-in-coaching-centres-101700492539131.html
The root cause of all this is overpopulation and a shortage of jobs. Coaching centers and tough parenting only exist as a consequence of this
True. Bigger the population bigger the garbage.
1% in 1 lakh is 1k and 1% in 140 crore is 1.4 crore
But that doesn't mean we can't change now. Population was something happened in past. We Indians love to talk about "what ifs".
Currently, parents are the ones making it challenging to live.
majboormajdoor
Stealth
10 months ago
Nope. The root cause of all this is stupid parents and the Indian social upbringing which has no idea about mental health.
Overpopulation hai toh sabke bacche suicide kar rhe kya? Humne toh nahi kiya suicide.
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Interesting viewpoint!
At the same time, just wanna check - How many of us were clear what they wanted to do in their life after 10th?
On the other side -
I did one poll few months ago, which gave an interesting insight that majority people here are without generational wealth privilege.
So overall, want to understand how many people were able to make (decent) in life if parents might not have PUSHED.
FindingHorses
Stealth
10 months ago
I knew what I wanted to do. If I was in some other country I would have become that and not an engineer
President_Trump
Stealth
10 months ago
I wasn't clear about what I had to do after my 10th grade. The reason being, I never had the liberty to think about it. Since childhood, I was always told, or my parents made it known to everyone, 'mera beta to engineer banega.' So, as time passed, I also began thinking that I wanted to be an engineer. Initially, I thought it was something I wanted, but later, I realized it was something that had been ingrained in my mind.
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majboormajdoor
Stealth
10 months ago
@Barney_Stinson003 Bro I agree with you 3000! (Tony Stark reference)
Indian and Asian parenting is the worst. They have no sense of mental health, no sense of individual life, individual freedom. No one goes to Kotas or other factories to learn to become an engineer, they just go there to get into IIT. In a supposed entrance test that has no connection to engineering syllabus which is attempted by crore aspirants is the fault of Indian system itself. And parents have the active choice of not getting their kid into this unnecessary rat race.
majboormajdoor
Stealth
10 months ago
I recently watched 12th Fail. It has a scene where the mentor tells Vikrant Mhassey that it's only his struggle, it is his entire community's struggle. Though the scene was indeed emotional and well placed, it is the exact antithesis of putting over expectations onto the aspirants.
It is the failure of the Indian system where someone from a poorer economic class or oppressed caste has to dive into the deep end of competitive rat race against millions of fellow such similar people to break that cycle of poverty. A system which has kept handful of glory seats towards success. It is just an arms race towards higher sacrifices, higher grit & higher desperation wasting many prime years of the youth of this country.
Demon
Stealth
10 months ago
No parent wants their kids to take such drastic steps. Problem is peer pressure on kids to go away from home for coaching and lack of communication when they leave their parents. Its ok to push your kids, but send them away from home only when you are sure they are mature enough to handle real world pressure. Not everyone is ready to face the world at 17 years, some mature early, some late. Parents need to control their kids' access to outside world and let them out gradually.
Nah bro. Like I told you parents are the last ones to realise that their child was in depression. Read any of the suicide articles , all these parents say same thing "He was always fine, I don't why would he do that" They send the child there to study for some exam worth more than their child's sanity.
I have a classmate friend who was in kota, after admission in college he barely talked to his parents. He hates them. He isn't wrong, he used to call them everyday and said that he doesn't feel like studying and becoming anxious. So they used to scold him, they once visited him and gave him lecture for whole day and even said his life is worthless and all. His depression grew and grew. Guy had only one goal in his life, to get away from them. He didn't visit his home for diwali too ๐ฅฒ
Anyone on GV pressuring their kids please read this and then decide, suicide is another thing, beta jinda rehke agar apse baat na kare to samjho you failed as parents.
Demon
Stealth
10 months ago
That looks exactly the case I am pointing to. Away from parents, lack of communication, not ready to face the real world. No kid will understand whether they are mature enough to take on external world, parents need to let loose slowly. You cannot till one day buy their stationary for them and expect them to go handle stress of real world the next day. Gradual exposure is the key. Not letting kids face world is as problematic as pushing them, will just have negative consequences later (in 20s and 30s)
Umadbro
Stealth
10 months ago
Blame is two fold. One is the societal structure where upward mobility is only possible if you get in a good college (atleast the odds are higher) and hence everyone pushing their kids to compete and do better.
Second, more nuanced reason. Kids today are super protected about their self esteem. They are made to feel special, like theyโre the best in everything, prizes for participation etc and kept away from real world dynamics or even encountering failure. What happens when such a kid goes to kota/college and realizes he isnโt as smart as others? That he is just average. Parents are coddling the kids, and kids assume the parents expect highly of him leading to depression. This would be a common phenomenon every time a kid comes out to the real world and has to deal with life. Kota or no kota.
You also see it with the interns you hire. Everyone wants instant results for minimal effort, and a Candy for just doing the bare minimum.
I blame the person committing suicide. Every parent wants the best for their kids, if it was parents fault, their siblings would have committed suicide too.
I blame this newer generation and the way they are being raised. You cant beat the kids now, schools now dont give ranks.
This participation certificate generation (read pussies) are so brittle they break at first sight of pressure.
Bumpy_Stock
Stealth
10 months ago
Indian Parents are not updated with career hacks and are fear driven. Overpopulation, increased awareness and competition, constant comparison and not thinking beyond IITs n IIMs. BITs and VIT and NIT you could start your career and grow based on exposure.
This will be solved by having reservation for rich kids in premier institutions.
๐
already happening bro. In my college a lot of people are from South Bombay and rich areas. Poor people are thrashed here, they just leave because of depression or suck it up to get average job in consulting. These rich kids play so danger game with them , blame game, they say that they come from stinky areas and because of them they have to pay whole fees, one couple said to a poor fellow (that guy was with other 6 guys from his town) ki hamare purvajo ne tum par racism kiya that's why tum yaha pr ho varna tumhari koi aukat nahi thi yaha aane ki ๐ฅฒ how can someone say something like this to a person?
5 of them went to their hometown and came back after a year.
Jav_bud
Stealth
10 months ago
The desperation of parents to make sure their children will lift them out of whatever class they currently are
ShinyRubric
Student
20 days ago
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Without any solid data to back this,
I've a feeling these sucide kids are from poverty tier and they're on loans costing like 36% pa etc or sold family treasures, then crumbling under the pressure. Fear of I'm wasted life can't do anything with it. Not like the kid can make a life tier jump becoming a painter or carpenter.
This feeling is severe I've also had it, plus there are subtle nudges by coaching employees also if you can't clear this become a mechanic, scrap peddler etc.
There's other side to coaching culture as well, kids living in relatively luxurious hostels (like 25k monthly rent), dating multiple bf/gf, parties/movies on weekends, living it out like a 2yr vacation without interference, this bracket do not think of sucide.
I don't know the correct solution, maybe just start with limiting coaching capacity, allen etc should not be allowed to take 20000 kids if even as per their data only 500 are going to make it, restrict cap at 2000 kids.
SiriusMcGuffin
Stealth
10 months ago
The real problem is shallow secondhand knowledge. Parents not understanding the child or the system they put their children in. Children not understanding their study material or not having a personality beyond their peer group.
filter for specialization earlier than 10th grade using iq, push the lower tiers into vocations.
Allow lateral movements later on based on appropriate assessments.
Grinding for jee is insane because the funnel is insane, instead getting the lower tier people into trades will get them earning earlier and will potentially allow them to fund their way into college later if necessary.
also imo failure rates are being fudged in various ways, you need to be brutal about it, kick people off the track if they don't qualify.
instead of parents/students being the customers of edu institutions, you need economic actors to be the customers, the KPIs for higher ed could be something that is determined by their placement record and research output. (but then you'll need to account for the fudging of those numbers)
I blame overpopulation, government and reservation.
My parents never asked me to go to coaching and all. I went there due to peer and self pressure that to get a good job later in life, I need to get into a good college.
The whole system is messed up due to overpopulation, the government being unable to create jobs and reservation which fucks the average general guy.
Where do you work actually? Maybe you aren't average. You chose the wrong field, it's okay sabke sath hua hai. Maybe you are good in something else try to find that.
The root cause is the mindset that going to IIT means life is set for richness and success. This is very wrong. They should show that not all IIT grads are successful.
DecentWord73
Stealth
10 months ago
As Tate would say, you yourself are responsible for where you are. Take the stress, and get better ๐ช if you can't then you probably in the wrong place or too fragile to survive anywhere. Cos this pressure is nothing compared to shiaz you gonna face if you don't have money.
Partly this whole cycle of job n college is responsible, but it works. If you get a good college, you have a higher probability of getting a good view into what's going on with high performing academically inclined people who wanna do something. Good chance you might find incompetent people too, but that's everywhere. Try going to a good for nothing college, where you learn nothing and start off in a call centre to survive
Persons doing blue collar jobs are left on the first or lowest rung of the ladder...for ever...If only the lowest in the job market gets a fair amount due, the system will not change...craze for white collar jobs that pays lakhs per month has grown manifold...at the same time lowest rung jobs are taken by those people out of necessity......once you start paying those jobs that we consider as blue collar the fair amount ..then automatically the competition will reduce....of course usual suspect is the over population for growing stress....this will not be an issue post 3-4 decades atleast in India ....
