The post seems to be from a Doctor and the first half sounds more like you're wasting your life if you're not having sex or kids. Like there's no purpose in life if you aren't getting this.
(And that's how India made 130+ crore earthlings!)
33M here and these points sounded fascinating when I was 25-26, but not anymore. Except for the EMI part everything else looks like a blessing instead of being in a bad marriage. If you're in your late 30s and unmarried, how has it been for you?
What does future and "purpose" mean to you at this point of life?
Not 35M (clearly) But these Indians uncles and aunty cannot accept the fact that someone choose no marriage as a CHOICE. They have to make them seem leftover, lonely, discarded last piece of society.
Marriage is not an answer for everything
Why do people assume that their marriage is going to be bad ?
Though an assumption, there's always a possibility right? When you age you want lesser drama in your life.
There is a possibility that doesn't mean you stop doing something. What if it turns out to be good ? You just cannot skip one of the biggest events of life on "What if". Even if the marriage is bad it is not the end of the world.
A/B testing:
35M+ males with wife and kids. Could you find men going through unhappiness and he'll despite their married lives? There might be many sex less, loveless and lonely married men in that cohort too.
I constantly get told by my friends and colleagues who are married (both male and female) that I'm living a relatively happier life than them. Most of these people got married in their late 20s. I don't much get into the specifics of asking them what is it they're missing. I just laugh it off and move on. But can guess there was either an expectation mismatch on marriage (when you watch too many movies!) or the initial thrill of being married is starting to fizzle out, 4-5 years into it, which I guess is quite expected. Things start becoming BAU.
True!
About kids. I believe only people who have less stress than they can handle should have kids. For their own sake and even for their kids. And if you are facing some stress, give a year to de-stress somehow. Change your lifestyle, do different things, downscale, get a therapist etc. But after you find yourself in a peaceful setting, then you try for kids.
Such people already have something or doing something which is more interesting to them then this family or marriage thing.
it's upto the person how long they can carry with what they are doing.
There is something called natural goal fitted in us which makes us procreate, as long as you can keep up with your ongoing life then it's fine.
I got married late natural goal made me anxious (not by looking at other people but inner voice) and was driven towards it, after a kid that anxiety is gone.
I have friends (male and female)who are above 40 like mentioned in post but doing fine professionally as well personally, also some friends who are close to 35 but very desperate to get married or get in relationship, it's upto individual how they carry themselves.
And btw natural goals > Material goals
Beautiful! I really wanted to hear something like this. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Ask those kind of people to read about minimalism and Advaita vedanta.
Keeping your mind, heart and action in sync is the key.
ब्रह्म सत्यं, जगत मिथ्या || 🙏
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